Quote Originally Posted by Beanz View Post
Quote Originally Posted by brocktonblockbust View Post
I have never had any qualms or hesitations to announce to th works that I have obsessive compulsive disorder and crippling superstition. Also my IQ is 144 and that complicates this shit like you can't believe. It could take me 45 mins to turn off a light switch some bad days! I am frozen like a lizard or statue and then so complicated to extract myself from a frozen position, repeating rituals, saying certain aspirant/fricatives in certain multiples of numbers with a certain required twist of the head and ONLY DURING THE LAST 50% OF AN EXHALATION WHICH CONTAINS AN ODD NUMBER. @Beanz I am fucked up DSM-IV
You seem to have made a great success of your life and probably in no short part because of it. Harnessing compulsion and using it as fuel to drive your thirst for knowledge has allowed you to master many languages and to travel the world bestowing the greatest of gifts, the power to express oneself to others. You should be proud of yourself. You have much love and empathy but you seem to be embarrassed by it and that way leads to nothing but remorse. You need to love yourself enough to earn more than your students and give yourself permission to be happy. Move and work somewhere you are more appreciated so that you can devote more time to creative pursuits like music etc that will channel your OCD into something productive. You are an amazing human being and you have lost sight of that. It will make things so much better for those you love too.
Thanks for the kind words and understanding and supportive advice and insights. I want to earn more than my students. And I will they even harder to find a job to get that to happen but I don't want to focus only on the monetary returns, it is one factor among a few others, but t sure would be nice. I don't work anywhere near as hard as a carpenter plumber or electrician so why should I think I deserve to earn more than those jobs that my students are earning? I teach grammar, reading, writing, pronunciation and speaking/presentation/non-verbal techniques, that's a helluva lot easier than building a house and carrying heavy stuff for 9 hours. Maybe they do deserve more than me.

I do love myself Beanz and I hope you love yourself too. I sometimes think like you said I do certain amazing things that are rare, and I don't think I've lost sight of that.

Thank you for saying I should be proud, here in New Jersey the cunts are so pressurized to judge you on your credit score and your salary, you don't feel proud to be poor. But there's another side to it, not just the cash.

So AS is something I didn't know you had and didn't know the condition was you needed help getting out if bed I thought you said a few days ago with an electric powered chair back was it? Didn't know you were in pain a lot. You should be proud of yourself for being such a multifaceted photographer, producer, creator as well as caring for your family. I can understand how after you've tried everything for your condition that someone who suggests something as a remedy would be annoying to you.