Irene's Mental Health

[Beanz]

I have never had any qualms or hesitations to announce to th works that I have obsessive compulsive disorder and crippling superstition. Also my IQ is 144 and that complicates this shit like you can't believe. It could take me 45 mins to turn off a light switch some bad days! I am frozen like a lizard or statue and then so complicated to extract myself from a frozen position, repeating rituals, saying certain aspirant/fricatives in certain multiples of numbers with a certain required twist of the head and ONLY DURING THE LAST 50% OF AN EXHALATION WHICH CONTAINS AN ODD NUMBER. @Beanz I am fucked up DSM-IV

You seem to have made a great success of your life and probably in no short part because of it. Harnessing compulsion and using it as fuel to drive your thirst for knowledge has allowed you to master many languages and to travel the world bestowing the greatest of gifts, the power to express oneself to others. You should be proud of yourself. You have much love and empathy but you seem to be embarrassed by it and that way leads to nothing but remorse. You need to love yourself enough to earn more than your students and give yourself permission to be happy. Move and work somewhere you are more appreciated so that you can devote more time to creative pursuits like music etc that will channel your OCD into something productive. You are an amazing human being and you have lost sight of that. It will make things so much better for those you love too.

Thanks for the kind words and understanding and supportive advice and insights. I want to earn more than my students. And I will they even harder to find a job to get that to happen but I don't want to focus only on the monetary returns, it is one factor among a few others, but t sure would be nice. I don't work anywhere near as hard as a carpenter plumber or electrician so why should I think I deserve to earn more than those jobs that my students are earning? I teach grammar, reading, writing, pronunciation and speaking/presentation/non-verbal techniques, that's a helluva lot easier than building a house and carrying heavy stuff for 9 hours. Maybe they do deserve more than me.

I do love myself Beanz and I hope you love yourself too. I sometimes think like you said I do certain amazing things that are rare, and I don't think I've lost sight of that.

Thank you for saying I should be proud, here in New Jersey the cunts are so pressurized to judge you on your credit score and your salary, you don't feel proud to be poor. But there's another side to it, not just the cash.

So AS is something I didn't know you had and didn't know the condition was you needed help getting out if bed I thought you said a few days ago with an electric powered chair back was it? Didn't know you were in pain a lot. You should be proud of yourself for being such a multifaceted photographer, producer, creator as well as caring for your family. I can understand how after you've tried everything for your condition that someone who suggests something as a remedy would be annoying to you.

Thank You. A/S for me is nowhere near as debilitating as it was and can be for many. (It was Fenster saying about the electric bed etc) . My back hurts like billy ho and has for years, but the psoriatic arthritis which Walrus also has means the little joints in my hands , fingers and feet can make it difficult to do things at times, because of my heart my stamina is not what it was but I have worked my way from being confined to bed to being able to crouch ringside for 8 fights in a row with two substantial cameras. I gave up smoking and rarely drink, workout no longer with free weights but with body weight exercises and am aware of what i should and should not eat. I am not as disciplined as my little brother who has never touched gluten or wheat in the 29 years he has been on earth, because his Mother as a nutritionist knew exactly how to care for her children with A/S. It is a broad condition like most auto immune disorders and people can be mildly or severely affected. My little Brothers spine has fused a lot and he is bent over but about to finish his Phd so he has not let him stop doing stuff but despite getting all the right nutrients,vitamins and yes minerals he still has to use quite powerful drugs currently an ANTI-TF injection which stops the body attacking itself. SO A/S, Eczema/Psoriasis/asthma/Arthritis are very inter related but A/S has a huge hereditary factor. That and the fact that your spine gradually fuses does make people offering quick fixes, irritating to say the least. I am struggling to make money nowadays without the student support work but am incredibly luck to be able to do what I can creatively which allows me to write (badly) and take photographs and make art when I am not caring for my better half.

I know what you are saying about money not being everything but your commute looks like hell and I don't see why you should not earn the same as a tradesman. I have on occasion earned more labouring on sites or working in factories and in stores then in education but ironically up until this academic year I actually earned the most per hour than I ever have.

@smashup is right it's not weak for men to talk about mental health issues, but society can make it seem like that and the same goes with physical disability which so many find uncomfortable to discuss or even look at head on. The students that I worked with many with Aspergers or on the Autistic Spectrum were not all geniuses but actually the most determined and on occasion gifted academically were often the most disabled. I worked with a non verbal autistic student who was the most incredible musician, a young lad with tourettes who was brighter than the professor teaching him higher maths (on the professors admission) and a girl with no legs who was the most brutal wheelchair rugby player and hard working media student I have ever supported.

There is usually somebody in life worse off than us and it is easy to lose sight of that but also it is easy to be cynical and think that most people are bastards when in reality I have not found that to be the case. My Mrs need help walking etc now so although she is fiercely independent she rarely goes out alone now. When she has in the past though and people have seen her struggling (being only able to use one arm means she can not use a stick and so limps quite badly) she has said strangers often offer to help carry her bags etc. If we are out and she has a fit ( we are usually able to anticipate it and get back to the car or home) then people will make space as i lower her to the ground and protect her head and rally around to offer help.

It's nice to know that people like @Memphis are around when you can't always be there for your loved ones, and I know of other posters here that have done the same for strangers with epilepsy or fits brought on by diabetes. We can all be a right c**t at times, and yet still be a nice fella as well.