Miles is right I did mention joining a gym. I don't work out that much anymore. My weekend job is physical, it's the kind of job you get beat up physically a bit so yes there is more I could do to help these thoughts but I have to admit I think I, and it's sad to say, enjoy being stuck in morbidity sometimes. I did buy a PlayStation 4 last November and I finally started playing it. A few published medical reports say video games are good for the brain and my help ward off dementia. Took me a while to find a game I liked but I got a Star Wars game and although I keep getting killed off its kind of fun. My most recent spell of impending dooms feeling has passed. I think I got a bit warped all the years of working mental health and jails etc. I think cutting back those hours and continuing in my new career is only going to help. Miles is right, life is very hard sometimes but once in a while u can squeeze out a few ounces of beauty, then it's back to the shit