Quote Originally Posted by Gandalf View Post
Granted that I have never thrown acid in faces. But I reacted in different ways. I actually pursued a homosexual lifestyle for a while even though I was not gay. I was so disturbed by trauma after my first lovely girlfriend leaving me for someone older and cooler I decided to erase myself and start again. My best mate was gay so now was I and every night we were out taking drugs and sometimes other things happened. There was a time my gay friend caught me in bed with a gay friend of his. Strange considering I am not gay. 'I couldn't believe you would do that! he said. I could handle being the man in that situation. However it wasn't me and that probably caused identity issues. Instead I lost myself in lots and lots of drugs. I really became something quite wild. And boy could you dance because of those drugs.

My friend is still doing all that in London now. I don't know how he does it. As a comfortable straight man, I am happy to have a woman I love and that is all I need. But still those childhood traumas creep and we know they will never leave, but I will just be the best person I can be.

Had a bad pill addiction for many years, a legal kind. And that went on for a long time. Even now lots of pills on stock ready for the big S. Only joking, just as needed. But for sure I was an addict to something for 15 years.

All these things go back to childhood trauma. My sister played out in very different ways. Think she was a gran at 34. It continues generation after generation. That Dad is an idiot too. Mum works all day, emotionally gone gran helping on weekend. I look on and get the chills.

I am not becoming a Dad. I am too old anyway now.
So there is hope for me