Told this one before but it's a belter (imo)

Fella goes to a nightclub and see's a stunner so he bowls over to her and goes "Your fit as f*ck..Marry me"
"Ok then.pop round Wednesday and meet the parents"

Wednesday comes and he knocks on her door "Hello go through to the lounge and make yourself at home,mum and dad are in their'

He walks into the lounge and is shocked to see the mum with a bottle of beer wedged up her fanny and the dad with his bollocks in his hand and a matchstick between his eyelids!
Visibly shocked the poor lad goes into the kitchen where his fiancee is doing dinner...

"what the f*ck is up with your parents? Are they mad or something?"

"No no silly..i forgot to tell you they're both deaf and dumb and have been arguing for a while"

"Well what about exactly babe"

"Well mum said to dad..get the beers in ya kunt and dad said Bollocks i'm watching the match"