To Keep or Not to Keep?

[Kev]

I wouldn't ask or expect anyone one to get rid of past memories that were special to them.

We all only have one life to lead and will only experience each phase of our lives but once.

I've never been a hoarder of things and have thrown out all my pics, letters, cards etc over the years but now I wish I hadn't.

Why would you be so paranoid and needy that your partner isn't even allowed any memories of their past lives?

Shit like that doesn't bother me in the slightest and any girl who has ever acted like that with me has always turned me right off quite honestly with their feelings of jealous inadequacies.

She's with you so why fret over some photo's or a ring?

The only reason such things ever become a problem is when someone gets all jealous over them.




Having said that, I think it's fair enough to want to start afresh in terms of a bed, sofa, house etc.

I mean say I was married and got divorced and then met someone else who moved in with me. I'd agree it was entirely reasonable, in fact necessary to move to start our own life together somewhere else.

But she could take her photo's and shit with us.

[Wayne]

I wouldn't ask or expect anyone one to get rid of past memories that were special to them.

We all only have one life to lead and will only experience each phase of our lives but once.

I've never been a hoarder of things and have thrown out all my pics, letters, cards etc over the years but now I wish I hadn't.

Why would you be so paranoid and needy that your partner isn't even allowed any memories of their past lives?

Shit like that doesn't bother me in the slightest and any girl who has ever acted like that with me has always turned me right off quite honestly with their feelings of jealous inadequacies.

She's with you so why fret over some photo's or a ring?

The only reason such things ever become a problem is when someone gets all jealous over them.

It's not the things themselves, but what they represent. If you have such fond memories with that person then why aren't you with him/her still (not YOU specifically, but you know what I mean)? I admit, I'm extremely possessive of my wife, not to the point where I have to know where she is at all times, but I want her to know she is all mine in the sense of an intimate relationship. Items kept from another relationship undermine that in my opinion. They're a reminder that at some point in time she wasn't with me.

[donnydarkoIRL]

Nah I don't think it's fair or considerate at all

Clarify Donny, you don't think its fair to keep the letters, or you dont think its fair to make someone give them up?

On the fence.

I don't find it fair that one should be forced to give up possessions which belong to them personally because they represent someone from their past. Would you force them to give up photos of the person with their parents if you didn't like their parents?

But I don't feel it's considerate to have those items which, represent past rel;ationships, blatantly in the view of someone whom they could upset.

[Kev]

Nah I don't think it's fair or considerate at all

Clarify Donny, you don't think its fair to keep the letters, or you dont think its fair to make someone give them up?

On the fence.

I don't find it fair that one should be forced to give up possessions which belong to them personally because they represent someone from their past. Would you force them to give up photos of the person with their parents if you didn't like their parents?

But I don't feel it's considerate to have those items which, represent past rel;ationships, blatantly in the view of someone whom they could upset.

Yeah I agree completely with you Donny. I certainly wouldn't be happy if my girlfriend insisted on hanging pictures of her and her ex boyfiends on the walls but if she wants to keep them all in a box under the stairs or in the loft that's no problem at all to me.

And if from time to she wanted to get them out and look through them again it wouldn't bother me, in fact I'd be happy to look through them with her is she wanted to talk me through.

BUT if she pulled them out every time we had an argument and was always spreaing them out on the kitchen table then we would have a problem!

Basically what I'm saying is that I wouldn't expect any girlfriend or even wife of mine to forget and disown her past, BUT I would want and expect her to have her life and interests focused in the present and with me.

I think that's a perfectly reasonable way to be.

[Kev]

I wouldn't ask or expect anyone one to get rid of past memories that were special to them.

We all only have one life to lead and will only experience each phase of our lives but once.

I've never been a hoarder of things and have thrown out all my pics, letters, cards etc over the years but now I wish I hadn't.

Why would you be so paranoid and needy that your partner isn't even allowed any memories of their past lives?

Shit like that doesn't bother me in the slightest and any girl who has ever acted like that with me has always turned me right off quite honestly with their feelings of jealous inadequacies.

She's with you so why fret over some photo's or a ring?

The only reason such things ever become a problem is when someone gets all jealous over them.

It's not the things themselves, but what they represent. If you have such fond memories with that person then why aren't you with him/her still (not YOU specifically, but you know what I mean)? I admit, I'm extremely possessive of my wife, not to the point where I have to know where she is at all times, but I want her to know she is all mine in the sense of an intimate relationship. Items kept from another relationship undermine that in my opinion. They're a reminder that at some point in time she wasn't with me.

Well is she agrees with you its no problem but I personally wouldn't have a problem with it.

Say for example your wife was with a guy when she was younger and they travelled a lot. Those photo's and maybe videos would be important because they would represent and be memories of exciting and happy times in her life. Yes she may have experienced them with somebody else but he's not the focus, she is and her memories if you get what I mean.

For example if you found an old school report what would be the significance of it? You likely wouldnt sit down and think all sentimental about your old school, but you would get nostalgic about the memories you have from that period. In no way would it mean you wanted to quit your adult life and go back to school.

In the same way someone can look back on past photo's of experiences they had and remember them with a pleasant nostalgia without wanting to go back to being with the people she was with back then.

Don't know if that makes sense but it does to me