What percentage of you are grots?

[Sharla]

I am a grot, what is with all these neat freaks?

Both my study and my bedroom got trashed for the month or so before exams, they are becoming progressively cleaner at the moment though. My shaving gear is all over the bathroom counter, although when I had to share it wasn't. When it comes to my own personal area it's messy, but I try to keep it reasonabl-ish in combined living areas.

I'm very similar to you, I think.

I know quite a few people, who are more concerned and take better care of their own things and area than with the things you share with others. I've always been completely different - I dont mind my own things being a bit messy, but combined living areas etc, I'll do my best.

But to Sharla, yeah, absolutely I think that - as a general rule - girls care more about these things than guys. However, most guys dont mind trying, and most guys can accept you making comments too. Girls, to my experience, tend to take 'constructive criticism' much more personal. So in terms of dynamics, a guy might be a better (or as good a) choice.

Maybe it comes down to whether you are one of those girls who appreciate the effort, even if it is not enough, or you really get consistently annoyed when things (again) arent up to standards? (Thats not to critisize if you are - just something I think you should ask yourself).

Yeah you have a point there.

I guess the thing is i hate to have to ask anyone to do their share. I am more likely to sit and stew on it than to actually say anything.

If it was cleaned and just temporary mess i'd get over it - if it was always bad i'd just get more and more POed.

Perhaps that's is something I could learn to do I guess. It just seems confrontational to me.

I had one male flatmate once who was really paranoid of being sexually discriminated against. Once I was watching a program and he sat down and noticed one of the evil characters was male and since this show was directed towards a female audience (i won't confess as to what i was watching) he had to ask in an offended tone if all the evil characters were men?!?! He often told me about how he hated women glaring at him etc etc
and got really shitty when another female flatmate asked him to clean up something while i was away and unable to mediate. He just announced in a wounded tone that he thought he was being targeted as a grot just because he was male.

The thing is he really was a grot! His dog shed a disgusting amount of fur in winter and he kept saying he would wash it but didn't. We would vacuum the floor of this large house and within days it would be covered with fur again.

The bathroom was covered with dog hair even though the dog rarely went in there - it was just really visible on the hard floor and sinks etc (it must have been airborne and settled everywhere). Then one day I cracked, bought medicated dog shampoo and gave the dog a bath myself. He got home, noticed his dog was wet, asked where i bathed her, stormed into the bathroom to check the bath-tub in case it was covered with fur.

Thing is he rarely cleaned the bathroom - i mainly did that and i didn't leave the tub messy so he didn't have an excuse to get angry and the dog stopped shedding after that. The few times he did wash he after that he'd take her outside spray her with a hose, not use shampoo, not run his fingers or a dog comb through the thicker layers of fur so the water didn't even penetrate to her skin and walk in announcing it as if he'd done it properly.

When he was moving out we had to sneak in and spray an air freshner into his room and pre-clean it so people could look around. He thought it was clean and I suspect was annoyed at us cleaning but it really smelt bad and we couldn't afford to have the room empty for long so we had to make it presentable.

When he moved out he left an old dona cover for us to dispose of. It was covered with fur because he didn't use sheet or a quilt cover on his bed and the dog slept with him. It didn't fit into the wheely bin so i had to sneak it along with other rubbish left behind up to the big uni dumpsters at night.

He was originally the first lease holder on the place and if we had to get him to ask the landlord to fix the toilet he could put it off for weeks.

If anyone said anything he'd be offended though.

I just don't want to deal with that if it is likely to be a common reaction to raising household matters - with anyone - male or female!

[Gandalf]

Im pretty clean. I spent an hour on the balcony last night cleaning because the dust was upsetting me. I dont like mess and clutter. It bugs me.

But when it comes to the washing up I refuse to get involved. If I wash a plate the Mrs. will just clean it again anyway. So, Ive given up with that.

I possibly wash my hands too much. I think I developed that habit having been a teacher too long and being fearful of bacteria.

[Youngblood]

I do think there is some truth to the belief that when we are overly clean, like I know I was when I was younger...that it was a bit of unknowingly creating order amidst the chaos. Likely as we get older, for most...it likely turns into a person just taking pride in having a clean place.

As far as the gender thing goes...I again admit, I am a slob considering how I used to be, but by my sisters standards...I'm Mr. Clean. She has the filthiest, messiest room i've ever seen, and is a walking trash deposit. It disgusts me how bad she is, or if I have to go looking for something of mine in her room.

[Sharla]

I do think there is some truth to the belief that when we are overly clean, like I know I was when I was younger...that it was a bit of unknowingly creating order amidst the chaos.

I'm really curious about this now. My last flatmate was a bit of a clean freak. Unlike me she had a place for everything but she could occasionally leave food mess on the kitchen bench.

I always have the bench clean even if i have uni papers all over the table and washing hanging on my little indoor clothes rack for a while after they'd dried.

She said she cleaned because it made her feel better about herself and i guess it was more being orderly than actually clean. She was stressed before she left because her work contract had ended, she wasn't able to find another full time contract in work she wanted and her relationship was falling apart.

So I guess my Q is if it's a bad way to handle chaos in your life what would be a healthier way to deal with it?

I mean having order to things can cut down the little frustrations of not being able to find and keep track of things etc. Or is it just procrastination?


Is it really part of the problem? I mean if you relaxed a little with the way your order your things surely it doesn't correct the problem.

would have thought it's just a symptom of the way people might try to deal with it.

Also unless you do it instead of facing your problem couldn't it even be a good thing? Giving you structure in you home life and a stable base to work from when other things might be going haywire?

[Kirkland Laing]

Im pretty clean. I spent an hour on the balcony last night cleaning because the dust was upsetting me. I dont like mess and clutter. It bugs me.

But when it comes to the washing up I refuse to get involved. If I wash a plate the Mrs. will just clean it again anyway. So, Ive given up with that.

I possibly wash my hands too much. I think I developed that habit having been a teacher too long and being fearful of bacteria.

The best way to make sure you never catch anything is to expose yourself to low-level doses of bacteria on a regular basis so your antibodies are always fighting fit. What you really need to do is lick your kitchen floor once a week and it'll keep you in perfect health.

[Sharla]

Im pretty clean. I spent an hour on the balcony last night cleaning because the dust was upsetting me. I dont like mess and clutter. It bugs me.

But when it comes to the washing up I refuse to get involved. If I wash a plate the Mrs. will just clean it again anyway. So, Ive given up with that.

I possibly wash my hands too much. I think I developed that habit having been a teacher too long and being fearful of bacteria.

The best way to make sure you never catch anything is to expose yourself to low-level doses of bacteria on a regular basis so your antibodies are always fighting fit. What you really need to do is lick your kitchen floor once a week and it'll keep you in perfect health.

Sad but true!