Has ANYYY of you ever had to do this...

[CutMeMick]

Fucken Diz, I just woke up my girl with my laughter...
She's pissed off now..

[Andre]

Youre a classic Diz .

Ive done simular.

I got caught by a few mates spewing up and shitting all at the same time one night out the side of a party at the Carrum downs hall.

[yvonne]

I had a mate who once had a big dirty crap inside a golf hole.I think it was on hole number 9 on my local golf course.I was laughing my bollocks off when he turned around to me and said,"Mate,im dying to have a shit!"The golf course was right in the middle of nowhere and as we being daft young kids(Me and him where little bastards when we were kids,we really were a hand full)i laughted and said to him,"I dare you to have a big dirty shit in the golf hole!"and he looked at me and laughted and said,"Why not,it'll be funny"and he pulled down his trousers and had a shite in the hole and wipe his arse on leaves.We were about 9 year old at the time.It was sooo funny!He is in prison now though,he was a crazy fucker and never changedHe went into some heavy shit when he got older,,lucky for me i got out of the kind of things he got into.Funny as fook though.Me and me other mate's have mentioned about that time a few times and all end up on our backs laughing soo hard.Great times.We got up to all kinds of mad things.I look back and think,,"Gee,,i cant believe some of the things we used to do for fun."Some of the things we used to do could of killed us.I count meself lucky to be alive really!!!

[Gandalf]

Thats a shocking story, but understandable. If you've got to crap you've got to crap. Ive never been in a situation, but imagine I would have to do the same. Not much else you can do, I guess.

I remember about a year ago I was in a bar and I needed to piss. Needless to say, I was a bit shocked to get to the urinal to find a mound of poo smack, bang in the middle of it. I couldnt believe someone had gone to the effort of shitting into the urinal when the cubicle was only 6 feet away.

You've gotta do what you've gotta do. Not that Im implying you should have found a urinal and done a plop in there. No much better off in the open.

[Kel]

I could barely see the screen for tears, you tell a great story mate that's incredibly funny the way you describe your shitty ordeal

[CFH]

That's gold, Jerry! Gold!

[AdamGB]

hahah funny, reminds me of another story.

I'm very regular... do at least 3 fairly big shites everyday.... can hold it for a while but sometimes I just NEED to go.

In my old job we were lifting and relaying and old road, our lunch cabin was next to a church. It had a porta-potty but it hadn't been emptied for weeks... if not months... I couldn't even bare to be in it... let alone sit on it.

I used to normally shit when I got up, when I got home and before bed... but not today... needed to go really badly... I'd been in the church toilet once before but it was closed today... I knocked and the vicar refused to let me use the toilet... bastard... I hope Saint Peter reminds him about it...

There's a giant valley with a river than runs through it that is now a public park quite near and I knew that had public toilets in the middle of it so I headed off that way... I really needed to shit and was fighting back a turtle head the whole time... was very very close to knocking on a stranger's door and asking if I could use their toilet but it's probably the poshest/snootiest part of the city and I thought I could make it.

I got there and the toilets where CLOSED! I was literally touching cloth at this point... there was a cafe in the park not too far away but again it was shut... there's also a big posh restaurant and luckily (or so I thought) I could see it was open.

I buzzed on the door and this posh stuck up waiter in his late 30s (don't know how you can be stuck up if you're approaching mid life and you're a fucking waiter!) appeared at the window on the door... explained how desperate my situation was (dramatic... but would you want to lay a turd in your boxers?) and the cunt wouldn't let me in!

decided I was just going to have to go in a bush somewhere (like you I wasn't really bothered about wiping at this point!). I don't know if anybody hear knows Jesmond Dene but it's not exactly a park...

Jesmond Dene - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia looks like there's 10000s of bushes to take a shit right? wrong... it's either next to some family activity place/petting zoo/road/river or footpath.

After frantically rushing about trying to find somewhere within range I eventually decided to go back next to the restaurant and go in a bush there hoping nobody would see me.

I'm normally a clean shitter... few wipes and I'm done... but the shit was already on it's way out at this point... I'd crushed my own turtle head with my bum cheeks to stop it coming out any further so lets just say it took a lot of whipping... all I had where my boxer shorts... that's what reminded me of your story.

The best part (and the point to me telling you about a shit I took!!!) of the story is that I didn't want to leave a pair of MY shitty pants in a public place where lots of children are (didn't like the idea of Timmy the dog giving granny a pair of shitty pants it found or a kid playing army stepping in them!)

I could of carried them to the river running through the park and thrown them in there... but why would I do that when I was right next to the restaurant that that cunt of a waiter worked in? *SPLAT* stotted them off the front door of the place for him to deal with!

[Andre]

hahah funny, reminds me of another story.

I'm very regular... do at least 3 fairly big shites everyday.... can hold it for a while but sometimes I just NEED to go.

In my old job we were lifting and relaying and old road, our lunch cabin was next to a church. It had a porta-potty but it hadn't been emptied for weeks... if not months... I couldn't even bare to be in it... let alone sit on it.

I used to normally shit when I got up, when I got home and before bed... but not today... needed to go really badly... I'd been in the church toilet once before but it was closed today... I knocked and the vicar refused to let me use the toilet... bastard... I hope Saint Peter reminds him about it...

There's a giant valley with a river than runs through it that is now a public park quite near and I knew that had public toilets in the middle of it so I headed off that way... I really needed to shit and was fighting back a turtle head the whole time... was very very close to knocking on a stranger's door and asking if I could use their toilet but it's probably the poshest/snootiest part of the city and I thought I could make it.

I got there and the toilets where CLOSED! I was literally touching cloth at this point... there was a cafe in the park not too far away but again it was shut... there's also a big posh restaurant and luckily (or so I thought) I could see it was open.

I buzzed on the door and this posh stuck up waiter in his late 30s (don't know how you can be stuck up if you're approaching mid life and you're a fucking waiter!) appeared at the window on the door... explained how desperate my situation was (dramatic... but would you want to lay a turd in your boxers?) and the cunt wouldn't let me in!

decided I was just going to have to go in a bush somewhere (like you I wasn't really bothered about wiping at this point!). I don't know if anybody hear knows Jesmond Dene but it's not exactly a park...

Jesmond Dene - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia looks like there's 10000s of bushes to take a shit right? wrong... it's either next to some family activity place/petting zoo/road/river or footpath.

After frantically rushing about trying to find somewhere within range I eventually decided to go back next to the restaurant and go in a bush there hoping nobody would see me.

I'm normally a clean shitter... few wipes and I'm done... but the shit was already on it's way out at this point... I'd crushed my own turtle head with my bum cheeks to stop it coming out any further so lets just say it took a lot of whipping... all I had where my boxer shorts... that's what reminded me of your story.

The best part (and the point to me telling you about a shit I took!!!) of the story is that I didn't want to leave a pair of MY shitty pants in a public place where lots of children are (didn't like the idea of Timmy the dog giving granny a pair of shitty pants it found or a kid playing army stepping in them!)

I could of carried them to the river running through the park and thrown them in there... but why would I do that when I was right next to the restaurant that that cunt of a waiter worked in? *SPLAT* stotted them off the front door of the place for him to deal with!

Sometimes snobs need a wake up call bro.

A mate of one of my old labourers is in and out of jail for assult etc I heard that he asked to use the toilet in the Shell service station (punt road which is real busy inner city style for those who dont know.It was late i the night he got refused so dropped one right on the floor in between the automatic closing doors I know the store its down by the river and there was a nice Pakistani fellow behind the counter, poor bastord was only going by the rules seeing its an area for waking up drugs etc.

Wheres Mcplopeater when you need him?

[Andre]

I had a mate who once had a big dirty crap inside a golf hole.I think it was on hole number 9 on my local golf course.I was laughing my bollocks off when he turned around to me and said,"Mate,im dying to have a shit!"The golf course was right in the middle of nowhere and as we being daft young kids(Me and him where little bastards when we were kids,we really were a hand full)i laughted and said to him,"I dare you to have a big dirty shit in the golf hole!"and he looked at me and laughted and said,"Why not,it'll be funny"and he pulled down his trousers and had a shite in the hole and wipe his arse on leaves.We were about 9 year old at the time.It was sooo funny!He is in prison now though,he was a crazy fucker and never changedHe went into some heavy shit when he got older,,lucky for me i got out of the kind of things he got into.Funny as fook though.Me and me other mate's have mentioned about that time a few times and all end up on our backs laughing soo hard.Great times.We got up to all kinds of mad things.I look back and think,,"Gee,,i cant believe some of the things we used to do for fun."Some of the things we used to do could of killed us.I count meself lucky to be alive really!!!

hahahhaa, we would have got along just fine.