WOMENS PERSONAL ADS
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

Men's Personal Ads
40-ish - 52 but looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic - Sits on the couch all day and watches sports
Average looking - Ugly
Average weight - Used to weigh 300lb, now weighs 297lb
Educated - Will always correct you and treat you like a retard
Free spirit - Likely to cheat, maybe with a family member
Friendship first - Wants to check your not too ugly first
Fun - Good with a remote and a six pack
Good Looking - Big headed
Honest - A good liar
Huggable - Overweight and enough body hair to resemble a teddy bear
Like to cuddle - Insecure
Polite - Says excuse me when he lets one rip
Open-minded - Will start dating your sister if she's better looking than you
Physically fit - Spends a lot of time admiring himself in the mirror
Religious - Went to church with his grandmother once when he was young Committed - Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful - Says "Please" when demanding a beer
Adventurous - Slept with everyone