When you get offended youngsters are swearing in front of your children but you did it all the time when you were younger and wondered why anyone would be offended.
When you get offended youngsters are swearing in front of your children but you did it all the time when you were younger and wondered why anyone would be offended.
Do not let success go to your head and do not let failure get to your heart.
When you say the youth of today do not know when they were born.
Do not let success go to your head and do not let failure get to your heart.
When you find a few gray hairs in your pubes.
When you notice frown lines on your forehead.
- Walking into a room and asking "What did I come in here for?"
- Thanking the cashier for asking for your ID.
- Making that "uhhhh" noise when standing up, sitting or laying down.
- Realizing how uncomfortable fashionable things are.
- Wondering why the kids today are so fat, stupid and full of themselves.
- Having advice available for lame stuff like resumes, interviews and retirement planning.
- Being on a first name basis with the grocery store clerks.
For every story told that divides us, I believe there are a thousand untold that unite us.
Enjoying disengaging from the inane crap and its couriers,
making space to just be.
Signs that you are getting older = the angle of your erection
When I was 18 it was flat against my stomach, now 90 degress is accepted
God is a concept, By which we can measure, Our pain, I'll say it again, God is a concept, By which we can measure, Our pain, I don't believe in magic, I don't believe in I-ching, I don't believe in bible, I don't believe in tarot, I don't believe in Hitler, I don't believe in Jesus, I don't believe in Kennedy, I don't believe in Buddha, I don't believe in mantra, I don't believe in Gita, I don't believe in yoga, I don't believe in kings, I don't believe in Elvis, I don't believe in Zimmerman, I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me!!
when asking your mate if he`ll help you clear out the remaining spunk you have left in your belly button from an earlier wank becomes a tad embarrassing
one dangerous horrible bloke
When you sit down for a dump and have to take a sharp intake of breath...................as your balls dangle in the water.
24 Beers in a slab, 24 hours in the day.......go figure.
when you not just get hammered by an opponent with the name Daz1994, on PES or FIFA, but when you can't even get the ball off them...........
Don't bully fat kids - they've got enough on their plate
When you discover that it has been 25 years since back to the future was on the Cinemas and you went to see it 12 times.
Do not let success go to your head and do not let failure get to your heart.
When you dont know what predictive text is.
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