I used to think she would be amazing in bed, but now I can imagine it's horrendous.

'Put it in me Carl! Harder! Come On! You Can Do it!'

'That's it! Put it in me Carl, Harder! Come On! You can Do it!'

'Fuck me Carl! That's it! Put it in me! Come on Carl! You Can Do it!'


I'd be like, 'If you don't mind I'll just stick to wanking over your pictures'.