I tried to cook myself last night!

[0james0]

Your stories do make me smile, but I now genuinely fear for your health, both mental and physical.

I could never stay in a violent relationship. It's just not right. It's scary because one day she might punch you square in the face and it might really hurt. Despite never wanting to hit a women, you could do it without thinking and then everything is ruined.

I've never hit a women and never would, I'm sure you are the same. But everyone has a breaking point before they snap.

I honestly think that if a relationship gives you more bad times than good and if the balance can't be restored then there is no point carrying on. Other than of course history, but history is done.

[Gandalf]

Your stories do make me smile, but I now genuinely fear for your health, both mental and physical.

I could never stay in a violent relationship. It's just not right. It's scary because one day she might punch you square in the face and it might really hurt. Despite never wanting to hit a women, you could do it without thinking and then everything is ruined.

I've never hit a women and never would, I'm sure you are the same. But everyone has a breaking point before they snap.

I honestly think that if a relationship gives you more bad times than good and if the balance can't be restored then there is no point carrying on. Other than of course history, but history is done.

I know, I realise some people are very amused by the miles in Korea thing, but at the same time I realise that it is getting a bit too screwed up. I am just a man trying to live his life. The stories that I tell are nothing less than true. And so for half of tonight I really was on the streets with nowhere to go and I couldn't get into my own home. And that's not easy when you are in a foreign country. You really think where do I go? What do I do? Okay I am back home but she has shredded our marriage documents and apparently we are being divorced tomorrrow.

I don't really know what I did wrong. Well, she has a quicker temper than me and refuses to acknowledge that she is wrong. That's the issue right there. Sure my stories are fun, but you are right. At some point it could end messily.

[0james0]

It's more the way you tell the stories rather than the content that makes me smile. (just so you know I'm not some sadistic freak laughing at your misfortune!)

From an outsider looking in, having only been reading your stories for a year or so, you seem to argue more than anyone else I know. Constantly something to row about. It's not healthy.

I think you (more your wife from what you've wrote) need to either chill out and let things slide, or get out and be happy. Sex says it all more often than not. Great sex = great relationship, poor/ no sex = bad times.

[Andre]

I had another argument this evening and as a consequence my finger has taken a turn for the worse. I'm sick of these arguments TBH as they are always about nothing and just blow up. This evening it was because I was finishing my fajitas and my wife wanted to make scrambled eggs. Now I am rather fastidious and am rather sensitive when it comes to food and smells. I really dislike the smell of eggs and my wife knows this. So, I simply asked her to wait a few minutes while I finished my meal. But no, she was hungry and had to cook right there, right now. I protested "But you know I hate the smell. I won't be able to finish my meal". And so we had a back and forth and of course she wouldn't let me finish my meal and it got cold. So, instead of waiting 4 minutes we had a bit of a row that lasted 10 minutes and so she couldn't cook and neither could I finish my meal.

And so once again I declared "I've had enough of this. I am going out!". Immediately that sent her into a rage. "Going where? Again? You are always spending money". I responded by saying that considering that I can never have any peace at home I will find it elsewhere. If a man must be a prisoner in his own home then he must find peace of mind elsewhere". She didn't like this is at all and started screaming at me that I couldn't go out. I told her "I am a grown man. I can go out and I will go out". That basically set off the violence. She started hitting me on the arm and was hitting me on the head. Not a hard hit, but nobody likes to be hit on the head. I pushed her away, but that basically ripped open my middle finger even more. I then locked myself in the bathroom to get my hair ready.

After a few minutes I emerged from the bathroom and was looking for my shoes. They had vanished. I had 4 pairs of shoes 10 minutes before and now they were gone! I tried to open the bedroom door and it was locked! My damn wife had taken all my shoes and locked them in the bedroom! I couldn't go anywhere! I was stood outside the door "Where are my shoes? Open this door!". This went on for about 15 minutes and again was an incredibly pointless waste of time. Eventually I got a hammer and made a loud noise on the door. "Open it! I need my shoes!". "If you break the door then I will buy a handbag for the same cost", she shouted. "But I don't want to break the door. I just want my shoes". "Agree to buy the handbag!". "But this is insane. Why should I stand here and make a deal with you?". Honestly, I love being me.

Eventually I got my shoes, but she told me she was locking me out and I couldn't come home. I told her that this was incredibly unfair. All I wanted to do was get away for a few hours peace and have some peace and quiet. I half angrily and half jokingly said "well let's just go ahead and get divorced!". And so with that she stormed into the main room, found our marriage documents and ripped them up! She had once creased them up rather badly, but this time out outright ripped them up! "Fair enough", I thought. "A bit mad, but fair enough". And so out I marched.

That last piece of madness had actually pissed me off quite a bit. I initially headed for a fairly busy bar that I knew and walked on all the way to the door, but realised with the loud pumping dance music that I didn't want to go in there. I was at a loss about what to do. Where could I go? Again I was out alone with nowhere to go and once again quite homeless. It was about -5 outside. I called my sister back home in England and told her all about my recent escapades and she thought it was quite funny, but quite serious. I asked her if she ever punched her husband or stole his shoes and she said that she hadn't punched him in many years and had never stolen his shoes. Afterwards I found a quiet bar and had a beer, but I was quite depressed. I didn't understand why things were happening like they were. I felt trapped. Eventually I decided to try and come home and the door was locked. I called my wife, but no answer. I then went back outside and walked around. It was freezing cold though and I was worried I would catch the flu again.

Eventually, I got a message on my phone "the door is open. don't talk to me. divorce tomorrow". Again, I thought "fair enough". At least I had the spare bed and could be out of the sub zero temperatures. And so I am back home in the comforts of the main room. I am quite grateful for the peace and quiet actually now that her Royal Madness has gone to bed. I take back those positive things I said about my wife in that other thread. She is positively barking!

I hope my ongoing misery brings a smile to some of your faces! And yeah, that middle finger is a piece of meat. Ouch.

VD will tell you which of her orifices you need to stick that finger for your own healing.

[Gandalf]

It's more the way you tell the stories rather than the content that makes me smile. (just so you know I'm not some sadistic freak laughing at your misfortune!)

From an outsider looking in, having only been reading your stories for a year or so, you seem to argue more than anyone else I know. Constantly something to row about. It's not healthy.

I think you (more your wife from what you've wrote) need to either chill out and let things slide, or get out and be happy. Sex says it all more often than not. Great sex = great relationship, poor/ no sex = bad times.

I think I tell a story quite well. I quite like telling them as it gives me a place to vent and I tell them in a very matter of fact kind of way. The whole thing has worn me down though. I just want a peaceful life. Yesterday for instance I just wanted to be able to finish my dinner, but I couldn't.

I do document the negative much more than the positive as to get the bile out seems to be better than to let it fester. There isn't much point in posting the times when you are peacefully able to eat your dinner.

It seems a lot of Korean relationships border on the psychopathic. I have seen men beating their partners in cars and on the street. It is alien to me though. If someone screams and shouts at me I want to walk away. If someone tries to hit me my reaction is much the same. However, it seems that a lot of these women like to rant and eventually do get a fist back in return. I never want to do that and so the screaming and breaking of things gets more extreme. It's like she is trying to provoke a reaction, but I just won't give it. One of her favourite buzzwords is "kill me" and she will say this whilst trying to punch the hell out of my arm. I just look at her as though she is crazy because it is crazy. It's in those kind of moments that I say "to hell with this. I need to get out of the house".

For sure, it is not healthy. If I end up going out and getting drunk then that is bad for me and that's an evening when I was more than happy to sit at home and read or post something silly on here. Rather than punch anyone, I would sooner go out and sink a few beers for a little peace of mind. It's also the mental pressure that can get to you as well. Nobody likes to row. I think I have reached the end of my tether though. You can't be ripping up marriage documents and then three days later expect me to be as right as rain and to tell me that it was my fault that she decided to physically destroy something.

She is unable to take responsibility for her violent ways. If she hits me, then it's my fault that she hit me. If she breaks something then it's my fault because I made her break it. It crosses the line between a row and being outright destruction and I realise the destructive impact this can have on my mind too. I am a man with firm convictions, but I am also quite peaceful. I've had enough of it TBH. It seems that she is unable to see the error of her ways and I am getting to the point where I am just beyond caring. I will try to explain that physically attacking me is a criminal act and she will just say "But you said blah blah blah and so made me do it". How can you reason with that kind of thinking? It's a good thing she isn't a mother. "Mummy why did you hit me?". "Well, you made me do it". It's absurd.

[superheavyrhun]

That doesn't sound like a particularly healthy relationship there miles, is it often that she loses it or is it just an occasional thing? You're not painting Korea in a particularly good light either.

From watching travel programmes it seems to be a very corporate-driven country, where success is all-important.

[Gandalf]

That doesn't sound like a particularly healthy relationship there miles, is it often that she loses it or is it just an occasional thing? You're not painting Korea in a particularly good light either.

From watching travel programmes it seems to be a very corporate-driven country, where success is all-important.

Well, it has been twice in the last week. However, it isn't usually that frequent. We usually have a good row about once every couple of months. When the rows happen they can be pretty mental. For intance, we once had a nice cooking pan. She lost it and decided to hit it against the wall about 100 times. It totally deformed the pan and messed up the wallpaper. I mean, what greater purpose does that serve? It's just so silly. I guess the Korean model for a row is two people going at it hammer and tongs and for the pair to do a bit of pushing shoving. But as a rather typical old fashioned English man I really don't like to go beyond the verbal sparring. Sure, you want an argument then I will put my viewpoint back at you. But when you try to push it towards violence that is when I retreat and want to get out. Her tactic is to goad me and push me into doing something, but beyond pushing her away and then locking myself in the bathroom or managing to get out the front door, I just won't do it. That kind of carry on is just mental.

No, I don't always paint Korea in a positive light. I often contrast the Koreans with the Japanese who on the surface have a clean country, drive small cars and have good manners. The Koreans on the other hand have a filthy country, constantly spit on the floor, drive ridiculous SUV's and are loud and emotional. It is a nation with a serious chip on it's shoulder. It is a harsh country and nepotism is rife. Koreans work the longest hours of any OECD country, but in truth are actually very lazy workers.

[Andre]

Been watching Banged up a/broad .

Hoping it was a was an American porn show to start with .

Anyway last night they had a teacher an American,who smuggled hashish from Phillipines into sth Korea with his girlfriend. He got banged up in jail she got away.
He got done in the post office in Seoul.

I Thought of you Miles,just as he was staring out the glass windows onto the city wondering whether to pick up the package from the counter or go home.

[Gandalf]

Been watching Banged up a/broad .

Hoping it was a was an American porn show to start with .

Anyway last night they had a teacher an American,who smuggled hashish from Phillipines into sth Korea with his girlfriend. He got banged up in jail she got away.
He got done in the post office in Seoul.

I Thought of you Miles,just as he was staring out the glass windows onto the city wondering whether to pick up the package from the counter or go home.

Oooh, that's a big mistake. Never try to import drugs into this country. It is quite alright to get shitfaced on soju 5 days a week and go to work stinking of garlic and stale alcohol, but so much as a hint of mj and you are going away for a good 5 years. You quite often get a suspended sentence for raping someone and use being drunk as an excuse. Go figure...

[boozeboxer]

Miles I find your stories very humorous in the way you deliver them.

But I fear for your well being as well. I had a cambodian girlfriend and she would get stupid-mad just like as you are talking about-without any communication to make the situation better. It is extremely frustrating.

I hope you can get out of there and leave her.

[Gandalf]

Miles I find your stories very humorous in the way you deliver them.

But I fear for your well being as well. I had a cambodian girlfriend and she would get stupid-mad just like as you are talking about-without any communication to make the situation better. It is extremely frustrating.

I hope you can get out of there and leave her.

Yeah, it's just really frustrating for me. She is fine 99% of the time, but when the bust ups happen they tend to stand out. When things are good, they are very good. But when they are bad, they are very bad. When things have calmed down I try to point out in a matter of fact way that destroying property and hitting someone is no solution to a problem and where I come from this is actual criminal behaviour. But she will just get defensive and say "but you made me". So, I stood there and said "please punch me on the arm and shoulder for 2 minutes non-stop while screaming in my ear?". I obviously didn't. The other day I simply wanted to get out of the house and sink a couple of beers in solitude and if she had let me go out then it would have been the end of it. She could have calmed down and so could I and maybe things would be better in the morning. But to escalate it to the extent that you are hiding all my shoes and ripping up marriage documents? That's just too far and I am not sure if am going to be able to forgive it.

In that previous reply to Superheavyrhun I painted a very negative image of Korea. It is an accurate portrayal as the roads are full of huge spaceshuttle sized cars and sometimes you are having avoid globules of spits, but I shouldn't paint all Koreans in this light. There are a lot of good Koreans out there and they are just as resentful of the negative aspects of their country as I am. In fact I am hopeful that the younger Koreans who have grown up in a more developed nation will continue to improve the place. They want to break free from the confucian chains, but it does take time. But this is a country that changes very fast and I remain hopeful.

In fact one of the things I dislike the most about Korea is the television. They have these really awful game shows with the same participants day in day out. They do stupid challenges and then sit about in a sauna talking about absolutely nothing. The other thing that annoys me are the dramas. In fact I refuse to allow a drama to be watched at regular volume in my house as the shouting is just too much. These programmes are always showing people shouting at one another and I mean really noisy shouting. They get in each other faces and really, really go for it. Perhaps Koreans are watching this stuff and taking it home or perhaps this is how Korea was first and it simply gets mirrored in the drama. Either way it is quite socially acceptable to get in someones face and just shout your lungs out at one another. It is horrible to watch and one of the reasons I refuse to watch Korean television. It just pisses me off. So when faced with that in person, I really just have to get away from it. It is horrible behaviour.

[generalbulldog]

Geez, no wonder you like to drink a lot. I would to living in such an environment.

Maybe it's a sign to come back to the good old UK?

[Gandalf]

Geez, no wonder you like to drink a lot. I would to living in such an environment.

Maybe it's a sign to come back to the good old UK?

I've definitely had too much in the last week. Much more than usual. But as a whole when times are normal I am pretty controlled.

I don't know really. I have my new university job starting in March and I want to get a year or two on my resume whilst trying to get a couple of things published. That would open up more doors. Just coming back home now would be a bit of a waste as TESL is what I do and I don't have the experience or publishing to work at the better universities there yet. For the time being it is going to have to be Korea.

This university provides accomodation, so in the apartment complex there will be other professors living in relatively close proximity. Imagine if one of them lived on the floor below and we were having one of our tussles? I just don't know if I could live with that. Even with neighbors that I don't know I am always worried about making a noise as I get pissed off if they make any noise. It doesn't bear thinking about. I am going to have to give it careful consideration.

[Andre]

Burn the joint to the floor and come on home son.

[Gandalf]

Burn the joint to the floor and come on home son.

I see some cleverness there. Fingers and homes, nice play on words!