There's a bloke up in court charged with murdering his wife and child.

The judge says "You are charged with battering your wife to death with a hammer"

A voice at the back of the court shouts "You lousy bastard"

The judge continues "you are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer"

The voice at the back of the court shouts "you fucking shithouse !"

The judge stops and asks the man shoutingto come forward saying "look here I can understand you being a bit upset with this case but any more outbursts like that and I will have to charge you with contempt - now whats your problem ?"

The man replies "I lived next door to this guy for twenty years your honour - every time I asked to borrow a hammer he said he hadn't fucking got one !"

beddum tish - I'm here all week !