Disorder in the Court

[X]

>>These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts,
>> >>and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down
>> >>and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying
>> >>calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>> >>_________________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>> >>_____________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: When is your birthday?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: July 18th.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: What year?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Every year.
>> >>____________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>> >>_____________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
>> >>all?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Yes.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: I forget.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something
>> >>you forgot?
>> >>___________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Forty-five years.
>> >>_____________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
>> >>morning?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: My name is Susan.
>> >>______________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
>> >>voodoo?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: We both do.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: We do.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: You do?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>> >>______________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is
>> >>he?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.
>> >>______________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
>> >>______________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Yes.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Uh...
>> >>______________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Yes.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: None.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>> >>______________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: By death.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>> >>______________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>> >>______________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
>> >>deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>> >>______________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed
>> >>on dead people?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>> >>______________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did
>> >>you go to?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Oral.
>> >>______________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
>> >>doing an autopsy on him!
>> >>______________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Huh?
>> >>______________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in
>> >>his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>> >>______________________________________
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
>> >>check for a pulse?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: No.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: No.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: No.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
>> >>when you began the autopsy?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: No.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>> >>
>> >>ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive,
>> >>nevertheless?
>> >>
>> >>WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
>> >>and practising law.

[beds]

haha

love the doctor 1s cos they just take the piss!!!