Funniest thing you've seen/done in a toilet

[ono]

Andre inspired me with this on the shadow boxing thread....

Me and a mate were surfing over in King Island (a mans place of nasty sharks fishermen and big waves etc)
We were in the public toilets in town just having a piss and my mate read from on the wall next to him, out aloud "If you want anal sex just ring me on 0419887433 " ! etc ,just then a local came out of a cubicle and just stared both of us up and down.

which is pretty funny and inturn brings me onto my own little story

i was in spain with my mate and we had gone on a coach trip to a water park for the day. After about 1 hour there we got pretty bored and couldn't be arsed spending all day there so we decided to head back

obviously we got lost and spent 6 hours wandering around strange parts of spain

anyway we got to a town called 'blanes' and i was bursting for a piss so i decided to relieve myself in the toilets on the sea front. The toilets, in my defence, were quite dark (no i didn't get bum raped)
and i wasn't exactly thinking straight so as i walk in i look forwards and there is this big orange tiled wall with a gutter at the bottom and i barely even make it that far before i start pissing. relieved as fuck i start humming away to myself when i hear a deep, loud cough.

I turn around and there's a spanish cop having a piss in a proper URINAL. He started ranting in spanish at me and pointing at the two vacated urinals either side of him. I'd only been pissing up the fucking wall....i presumed thats what toilets fucking looked like in 'blanes.'

To make matters worse i had an England shirt on which immediately labels me as 'hooligan' anyway.

Cut long story short me and my mate got taken to the local police station and i had to make a statement....which made an english speaking cop almost piss his pants with laughter. They let me go...and now i am here telling you the story.






anybody else got any funny toilet related stories?

[Kev]

ha, I've got one from my youth. As a kid I used to live near a park (green gardens type of park, not swings etc) which had a toilet building with a flat roof.

My best mate and I used to climb up onto the roof and make little piles of mud, twigs and leaves etc and then when people walked into the toilet we would push them off the roof and onto their heads.

We used to have loads of fun doing this (this was an innocent age not like today lol) and it was great to see people's reactions. Generally men didn't really do anything, some would pretend they hadn't noticed even though they were covered, others would just rush inside the toilet and then rush out again not even looking up. Most men are a cowardly bunch at heart I feel.

Anyway we had gathered up this whole stockpile of mud, twigs etc one day and this really fat woman in a pink tracksuit went to walk into the toilet. She looked old to us at the time but we were probably only 11 or 12 so I expect she was in her twenties, and although we obviously didn't know it at the time, she was to become a dead ringer for Vicky Pollard when Little Britain came out some 16 or so years later!

Well snickering to oursleves we both pushed our little mounds on to her head, she got a double handful of muck in her hair. Her reaction was hilarious, not only did she shout and curse at us but she actually climbed up on to toilet roof!

Watching her heave herself up the side of the building was one of the funniest things I've ever seen as it just looked so unnatural, like seeing a rhinoceros up a tree or something!

When she he finally clambered to the top we jumped off the roof and ran to a safe distance where we could point and laugh at her because she was too fat to get back down! :P

[ono]

ha, I've got one from my youth. As a kid I used to live near a park (green gardens type of park, not swings etc) which had a toilet building with a flat roof.

My best mate and I used to climb up onto the roof and make little piles of mud, twigs and leaves etc and then when people walked into the toilet we would push them off the roof and onto their heads.

We used to have loads of fun doing this (this was an innocent age not like today lol) and it was great to see people's reactions. Generally men didn't really do anything, some would pretend they hadn't noticed even though they were covered, others would just rush inside the toilet and then rush out again not even looking up. Most men are a cowardly bunch at heart I feel.

Anyway we had gathered up this whole stockpile of mud, twigs etc one day and this really fat woman in a pink tracksuit went to walk into the toilet. She looked old to us at the time but we were probably only 11 or 12 so I expect she was in her twenties, and although we obviously didn't know it at the time, she was to become a dead ringer for Vicky Pollard when Little Britain came out some 16 or so years later!

Well snickering to oursleves we both pushed our little mounds on to her head, she got a double handful of muck in her hair. Her reaction was hilarious, not only did she shout and curse at us but she actually climbed up on to toilet roof!

Watching her heave herself up the side of the building was one of the funniest things I've ever seen as it just looked so unnatural, like seeing a rhinoceros up a tree or something!

When she he finally clambered to the top we jumped off the roof and ran to a safe distance where we could point and laugh at her because she was too fat to get back down! :P

haha fat people are funny

[VictorCharlie]

At a outdoor music festival with 30,000+ people attending I got a blow job in a porta-shitter.

[ono]

At a outdoor music festival with 30,000+ people attending I got a blow job in a porta-shitter.

what was funny about that?

[ono]

[katfight]

i went to paris for my 21st

was out and got a bit paniky as my french wasn't too gr8 and i needed the loo really bad!!!!!!!!!!


ran into a bar asking in rushed french if anyone spoke english,
non was the reply

i ws stood there going errrrrrrrmmmmmmm errrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmm eeerrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmm for about 5 mins wen i remembered toilet in french was the same fucking word.resulting in a bar full of french ppl laughing at me

[Andre]

A good trick in the public unrinals ,those ones that are large and metal is to bang your foot lightly twice onto it as you shake your self and say out loud "fucking thing".
It either gets surprized looks or laughs from the fast ones with humor.

[CutMeMick]

A girl pissin' in a urinal in the boys room.
Walked in there and I just saw her shooting it out into the urinal while guys just waited there standing for the next available.
She wiped and walked out.

[Tito BHB]

Lol..Me and friends get our kicks by ringing up mates calling them a baghead and flushing the toilet down the phone at them

[VictorCharlie]

At a outdoor music festival with 30,000+ people attending I got a blow job in a porta-shitter.

what was funny about that?

well it was a good story....hot blonde on her knees in a portashitter at a huge outdoor chili/music festival....I found it humorous and am very proud of it

[katfight]

Lol..Me and friends get our kicks by ringing up mates calling them a baghead and flushing the toilet down the phone at them

whats a bag head

A girl pissin' in a urinal in the boys room.
Walked in there and I just saw her shooting it out into the urinal while guys just waited there standing for the next available.
She wiped and walked out.

dirty bitch didnt she wash her hands

[CutMeMick]

A girl pissin' in a urinal in the boys room.
Walked in there and I just saw her shooting it out into the urinal while guys just waited there standing for the next available.
She wiped and walked out.

dirty bitch didnt she wash her hands

Nope she wiped front to back dropped the tissue put her pannies up and skirt down and walked out.

[ono]

A girl pissin' in a urinal in the boys room.
Walked in there and I just saw her shooting it out into the urinal while guys just waited there standing for the next available.
She wiped and walked out.

'very nice' as borat would say



dirty bitch didnt she wash her hands

Nope she wiped front to back dropped the tissue put her pannies up and skirt down and walked out.