My mom had had another nervous breakdown.It cost her her gig at Spinlon, this time they werent taking her back. Now I knew where she hid my Christmas Presents, so I allways knew what I was getting. Well for obvious reasons there wasnt much to crow about as it were. But there was a blue deck of Bycicle playing cards just like my Great Grandmother taught me to play Solitaire with before she passed away.
Now Il admit, for a few years before shed gotten sick, her boyfriend had been pretty wealthy, and really did love me, we still occaisionally talk, so Id been pretty spoiled, but more or less, that was it this year.Some candy and a deck of cards. At first(advance warning and all), I moped about, thinking how this Christmas was going to suck, and kept sneaking peeks hoping against hope that there was going to be something else in there.
Christmas comes, and Im stomping out like Im heading to Nuremburg, and I ordered those showers, and there it is, a half empty stocking and not much else.But I looked at my mothers fearful worried eyes, and Christmas made a lot of sense to me then. So I made a huge deal about how all I really wanted was a deck of cards, and how happy I was with them.Spent Christmas morning playing Solitaire.
I think in her heart she knew I was so full of shit I reeked, but the look of parental relief on her face to think that she hadnt failed her little boy, was a better gift then anything you can put a bow on.

Before Alaric was born, we had a tradition of helping out at a shelter.One year we decided to help at this Hispanic one in East Allentown.Barely a storefront. Before we went down to it, we both just flat out gorged ourselves on cheesesteaks at a local Pizza joint.Im dressed as my normal slob self, my jeans have holes on their holes. We work at the shelter most of the day. Helping this family who barely spoke English get the dishes from the van, and organising the clothes that were being given to the homeless.
But there wasnt anything but laughter and joy in that little church/shelter.We left just as food was being served, even though that family took one look at me and offered us food and clothing, and it took me awhile using a combination of English and my really horrible Spanish to explain that we werent homeless we had just come to help out.
I guess to a degree they learned to not judge a book by its cover(but I no longer wear pants with my ass hanging out)
And both of us Leslie and me, saw that theres a joy in helping others, even if you have the decency to not watch them enjoy the fruits of your labours
Charity isnt cutting a huge check, and it isnt watching expecting some personal gratification
Charity is just doing what you know is right and when your done, youve done what you were supposed to do

Im not a Christian, but I really do love Christmas, it might not be cool, it might not be very punk rock, but the above is a large part of why.
Trust me Ill be weeping like a baby watching Its A Wonderful Life for the , well I dont know how many times, on Christmas eve, and you cant stop me.And if that doesnt jibe right with my image, I really dont fucking care, and if you want to make fun of me for that Ive got a real special sleigh you can ride