I wish that I could buy a special spray to spray the ENTIRE block that my house is on, and every square inch of the inside of my house so no spider will ever be found in or near my house ever again!!!!

In the last week I have found 5 in my (messy) room... 2 white tails have been crawling in the clothes that I was going to be putting on within a day or 2....

It's summer in Australia.. And that makes it spider season..

BUTTTTT here is the main reason for this post......

I just went out to my car to grab something out of the trunk.... I turned on my outside light as it's 9:20pm so it's just getting dark. I begin my shirtless (it's 85 degrees this evening) stroll down the driveway past my mums car and approached mine.

As I reach about the start of my rear door, only a metre or 2 left in my journey, I feel some spider webs clinging onto my arms. Instinctively I immediately reach to grab and pull at thin air on my arms to remove the webs....BUT...it was already to late..... I had not even removed a single thread of web from my arm, before I realise their is a fucking great big dirty black hairy creepy spindly spider darting across the front of my chest...
Over the next 20 seconds, while managing to stay on my feet, my arms, legs, head and torso span, twirled, threw, cortorted and jumped into what would have been at least 1000 different positions one after another until not only I was sure the spider was gone, but every single creepy crawly feeling I had over my entire body was gone as well....

Did I say I FUCKEN HATE SPIDERS!!!?!?!!!

My car had been parked their no longer than 2 hours... But in that time this creepy, asshole, intrusive, rude, arrogent, cheeky THOUGHTLESS f'khole of a creature had already strung up a new home between my car, and a bush that sits along the edge of my driveway.....

It was a perfect setup to catch any HUMAN that wanted to come to our house... They would have had to walk straight past my car, and hence straight through the middle of this assholes web... But to be honest, I am SURE this setup was really designed,,, so strategically, to catch ME...

Now let me ask you,,,,, Where do these F'King useless creatures get off??

So it's with that question,,,,
That I hereby declare A WAR, against the entire population of spiders that chooses to take up residence ANYWHERE near my house....

- I've decided first phase of my attack plan is to go to the hardware store tomorrow and purchase a complete arsenal of random weaponary to begin taking the fight to THEM!!

This race has had their way, on my block of land for WAY tooooo long...


NOT ANYMORE FUCKERS!!!!!

!!! IT'S ON !!!