I was very interested in the presidential race, until, and I suppose not surprisingly, the theme has turned to race. I am/was a Barack supporting, as I tend to align myself more with the beliefs of the Democrats.

I won't deny that I liked the fact when the Democratic Party Nomination race was going, that it was between a black man and a woman. It gave me hope for our future, and told me that we have come a long way towards racial equality. Gender equality. That principal was now more important then perception. Don't get me wrong, I liked these things, but I would have no problem voting (if I even could) for a Republican candidate if I thought they could do a better job. So I tried to keep an open mind.

Lately though, I no longer can read the slant and slander. I I understand it, but it just both sickens and saddens me. Like physically sick, as in wanting to throw up. Yes I do believe the McCain camp has sunk to a nefarious low in inciting both hate and race propaganda. But I won't stop just there. The Democrats too have pandered to this theme, playing the victims to further benefit their cause. I believe it was preemptive. I believe from both parties.

You see, I have never understood racial bias at a core level. Largely I think because I have never felt it. I have friends who are from other places, who skin might be of a different shade, who talk with a slightly different accent. And for whatever reason, I have never seen them as 'them'. I have only seen them as having something different to offer. No better than or less than. I always thought it was pretty cool to be frank, learning a bit more about someones cultural history. Always felt they were adding to my understanding of the world, helping understand how big of a place it is, how different, but yet, how similar we all can be. There are my friends after all.

Maybe you might think that it is because I was viewing it through the eyes of a unknowing child. And maybe it is that, or was. I'm not really sure. I just know how I've seen people in the past, and how I still see them today. No better than, no less than.

And so then I learned. I studied the history of race relations. Frightening, and saddening, but a reality. Our history as humans. Our divisions, by skin color, by beliefs. Socioeconomical etc etc. It left me cynical, disappointed.

And then when I watched this election forming, it gave me hope. It gave me hope that we are making great strides. I watched it so closely, I became emotionally involved, and I suppose this is why I am writing this now, and why I am feeling as I am. Emotionally sick. It makes me sick watching the republican base, and the racist tones and inferences. The subtle stimulating of it by leaders to promote their cause to be leader, by tapping into people's ignorance. Their racial bias. It makes me sick as well, watching the Democrats dealing in it. It bothers me as much that black people are voting against their core values for Barack, as much as it does people are not voting for him because of his skin color. It bothers me so much...that I can barely sleep when I read of it, when I see of it, in the media, and yes...also in those people I know who are close to me. So much I want to throw up, and that is no exaggeration.

Maybe we are as a society making great strides in these areas, as so many suggest, and as I not so long ago believed. And maybe these things are simply the growing pains of that process. I sure want to hope that is what it is. But I can no longer be an active participant in it, politically. It just bothers me too much. And I also don't want to feel hate as a result, even for those spreading it...so for now, just count me out. I couldn't give a rats ass who wins or loses this thing. It is already tainted by the very thing I was hoping it would overcome.

Maybe some day in my lifetime we will get to that place of indifference towards race and religious division, inequality. I just know for sure it isn't now, and that I can't be a part of it any more.

If I really could place a vote in this election? As of today, it would have to be...(X) Present.