I take me dog for a walk every evening, and instead of simply lobbing the plastic bag full of his poo into a hedge (a bit like Thor twirls his hammer), I have recently taken to posting chunks of it through the letterboxes of those people who have recently upset me.

After two weeks of this, I have now run out of sinners to smite.

So if any of you guys have enemies, or people against whom you bear a grudge, drop me a line with their addrssses and if it's on my usual dog walking route, I will gladly post them a letter from Postman Plop