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I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Seeing as Skel was complaining about the lack of posting around here, I thought I would get to the nitty gritty and tell you all of the hardship of my day. I went to the cash machine to take the money out to pay my wife back having crashed my car last week. So I put the receipt into my mouth whilst I shoved the money into my wallet and as I pulled the receipt away from my lips I felt this shooting pain. I touched my lip with a finger and lo and behold there was blood there!
There should be a rule against paper having this sticking to lip quality. My lower lip is extremely tender and my hot coffee is burning it. Has anyone else had an equally horrid experience with paper or a cash machine receipt?
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
I clicked on this thread when i saw the title expecting mayube a great gag with a cracking punchline - one I could share with the guys at work perhaps....
But alas no - it was merely Miles prattling on like a cunt again about a gay cut to his top labia
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
:p
A tongue in cheek monotony thread. Or should I say tongue on lower lip? Ouch.
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
That will teach not to place sticky things in your mouth. :rolleyes:
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
That's the thing with those papers, they are dry when you put them in the mouth and then all of a sudden they turn to glue. It's like licking ice, very dangerous.
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BIG H
miles is a cunt
Unbelievable, someone gave you a cool click for that. Where are my cool clicks you bastards, I've got a scabby lip! :(
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BIG H
miles is a cunt
Unbelievable, someone gave you a cool click for that. Where are my cool clicks you bastards, I've got a scabby lip! :(
2 people now, and I expect that to rise throughout the day :cool:
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I once glued my fingers together.
Also cut my tongue while licking the top of a yoghurt lid, the foil ones. That bled for ages.
All pointless but true.
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BIG H
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BIG H
miles is a cunt
Unbelievable, someone gave you a cool click for that. Where are my cool clicks you bastards, I've got a scabby lip! :(
2 people now, and I expect that to rise throughout the day :cool:
I expect 10 by the time I wake up in the morning, still as long as it makes the crowd happy.
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BIG H
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BIG H
miles is a cunt
Unbelievable, someone gave you a cool click for that. Where are my cool clicks you bastards, I've got a scabby lip! :(
2 people now, and I expect that to rise throughout the day :cool:
I expect 10 by the time I wake up in the morning, still as long as it makes the crowd happy.
were happy :crowd:
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mattyhitman
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BIG H
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BIG H
miles is a cunt
Unbelievable, someone gave you a cool click for that. Where are my cool clicks you bastards, I've got a scabby lip! :(
2 people now, and I expect that to rise throughout the day :cool:
I expect 10 by the time I wake up in the morning, still as long as it makes the crowd happy.
were happy :crowd:
You failed to call me a cunt. I am quite disappointed. Come on you cunts, call me a cunt and let's lay all our cunts on the table.
My lip is holding up quite well just in case anyone was concerned. Bloody capitalists.
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Miles, I understand how you feel.
In fact, as per my recent training course, I don't know how you feel at all, as I've never cut my lip in such a preposterous way. But I hope it heals soon. Putting some alcohol on it should be a good pain reliever in the meantime. Maybe four or five bottles of wine should be sufficient.
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mattyhitman
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BIG H
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BIG H
miles is a cunt
Unbelievable, someone gave you a cool click for that. Where are my cool clicks you bastards, I've got a scabby lip! :(
2 people now, and I expect that to rise throughout the day :cool:
I expect 10 by the time I wake up in the morning, still as long as it makes the crowd happy.
were happy :crowd:
You failed to call me a cunt. I am quite disappointed. Come on you cunts, call me a cunt and let's lay all our cunts on the table.
My lip is holding up quite well just in case anyone was concerned. Bloody capitalists.
My apologies..... CUNT ! ;D
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
superheavyrhun
Miles, I understand how you feel.
In fact, as per my recent training course, I don't know how you feel at all, as I've never cut my lip in such a preposterous way. But I hope it heals soon. Putting some alcohol on it should be a good pain reliever in the meantime. Maybe four or five bottles of wine should be sufficient.
Thank you for the polite advice and for not calling me a cunt. That advice sounds absolutely fantastic BTW.
I don't know what paper they use in the UK, but this stuff welds to the lips if lubricated. It can only ever pull away layers of skin. It is a health hazard.
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mattyhitman
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mattyhitman
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BIG H
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BIG H
miles is a cunt
Unbelievable, someone gave you a cool click for that. Where are my cool clicks you bastards, I've got a scabby lip! :(
2 people now, and I expect that to rise throughout the day :cool:
I expect 10 by the time I wake up in the morning, still as long as it makes the crowd happy.
were happy :crowd:
You failed to call me a cunt. I am quite disappointed. Come on you cunts, call me a cunt and let's lay all our cunts on the table.
My lip is holding up quite well just in case anyone was concerned. Bloody capitalists.
My apologies..... CUNT ! ;D
Well, that's 3! Come on lads, 7 more by midnight. :D
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Actually, they say "You are what you eat." so Miles cannot be a cunt ;)
The Pickle kisser
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
You paid your wife for crashing your car? I have obviously missed a thread somewhere.
Oh.......your a cunt.
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Memphis
You paid your wife for crashing your car? I have obviously missed a thread somewhere.
Oh.......your a cunt.
Yep, I didn't bother starting a thread about the car, but I was driving home in the evening and got a flat tire on the front left wheel and jolted at speed into a barrier. About 80kph so I was quite lucky. The wing mirror came off, I smashed the front light and scratched up most of my side. I also got a sore leg. Insurance paid for most of it, but 20% had to come out of my pocket and of course the wife sorted it all out first. Total damage was 1300 quid in English money! And a week after spending a hundred quid getting it serviced too. Expensive car this month!
I'm a cunt, nice one. Thanks for that! :p
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Memphis
You paid your wife for crashing your car? I have obviously missed a thread somewhere.
Oh.......your a cunt.
Yep, I didn't bother starting a thread about the car, but I was driving home in the evening and got a flat tire on the front left wheel and jolted at speed into a barrier. About 80kph so I was quite lucky. The wing mirror came off, I smashed the front light and scratched up most of my side. I also got a sore leg. Insurance paid for most of it, but 20% had to come out of my pocket and of course the wife sorted it all out first. Total damage was 1300 quid in English money! And a week after spending a hundred quid getting it serviced too. Expensive car this month!
I'm a cunt, nice one. Thanks for that! :p
You failed to start a thread about a life and death car smash but start one over a cash machine receipt?
I blame you for Skel leaving Miles!
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Memphis
You paid your wife for crashing your car? I have obviously missed a thread somewhere.
Oh.......your a cunt.
"you're a cunt."
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
I do feel bad for Skel leaving though, always thought he was a good poster (even if he was from WAles or some other 3rd world country).
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Memphis
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Memphis
You paid your wife for crashing your car? I have obviously missed a thread somewhere.
Oh.......your a cunt.
Yep, I didn't bother starting a thread about the car, but I was driving home in the evening and got a flat tire on the front left wheel and jolted at speed into a barrier. About 80kph so I was quite lucky. The wing mirror came off, I smashed the front light and scratched up most of my side. I also got a sore leg. Insurance paid for most of it, but 20% had to come out of my pocket and of course the wife sorted it all out first. Total damage was 1300 quid in English money! And a week after spending a hundred quid getting it serviced too. Expensive car this month!
I'm a cunt, nice one. Thanks for that! :p
You failed to start a thread about a life and death car smash but start one over a cash machine receipt?
I blame you for Skel leaving Miles!
If it had happened on a Thursday it would definitely have been a new thread, but during the other weekdays I am kind of quiet on here. The cash machine incident was just on my mind on the day that Skel vanished. Clearly to keep his attention I should have reported and in significant detail about my car crash.
I see Booze has gone all grammar Nazi, that is always good to see.
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
boozeboxer
I do feel bad for Skel leaving though, always thought he was a good poster (even if he was from WAles or some other 3rd world country).
Ahh let it go, if he thought the same way about you, he would stay.
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Miles robot fixation,caught sucking off the paper shredder in the staff room again?
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mark TKO
I clicked on this thread when i saw the title expecting mayube a great gag with a cracking punchline - one I could share with the guys at work perhaps....
But alas no - it was merely Miles prattling on like a cunt again about a gay cut to his top labia
That really did make me LOL as that was my thoughts exactly!
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Andre
Quote:
Originally Posted by
boozeboxer
I do feel bad for Skel leaving though, always thought he was a good poster (even if he was from WAles or some other 3rd world country).
Ahh let it go, if he thought the same way about you, he would stay.
No he emailed me stating that I was the reason he held on so long.
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
I actually started this thread as just a way of getting something said on here in response to Skel saying it is silent. It was in its own way a great comic gesture. Most of my comedy goes over most heads anyway. I need a paragraph whilst others need just a sentence.
I don't write gags, I write other things.
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
I actually started this thread as just a way of getting something said on here in response to Skel saying it is silent. It was in its own way a great comic gesture. Most of my comedy goes over most heads anyway. I need a paragraph whilst others need just a sentence.
I don't write gags, I write other things.
So you're saying you came up with something random and straight out lied to get something on this board? You're an absolute disgrace, and I will never trust a word typed by your fingers again.
And I hope your lip is afflicted with 100 ghostly papercuts every night while you sleep.
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
superheavyrhun
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miles
I actually started this thread as just a way of getting something said on here in response to Skel saying it is silent. It was in its own way a great comic gesture. Most of my comedy goes over most heads anyway. I need a paragraph whilst others need just a sentence.
I don't write gags, I write other things.
So you're saying you came up with something random and straight out lied to get something on this board? You're an absolute disgrace, and I will never trust a word typed by your fingers again.
And I hope your lip is afflicted with 100 ghostly papercuts every night while you sleep.
No, it was 1000 true. But as was mentioned, why not speak about a car crash instead? It was satire, but as with any satire, it had realistic foundations.
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Another word for it is subversion, I'm a smart person. Even when I appear to be stupid, I am usually firmly in control. Unless I am drunk and I have no idea what is going on. That's 50:50.
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
No contradictions there at all and that's how every post should be managed. ;)
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Re: I cut my lip on a cash machine receipt
Quote:
Originally Posted by
boozeboxer
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Andre
Quote:
Originally Posted by
boozeboxer
I do feel bad for Skel leaving though, always thought he was a good poster (even if he was from WAles or some other 3rd world country).
Ahh let it go, if he thought the same way about you, he would stay.
No he emailed me stating that I was the reason he held on so long.
Yyeap
