Serious question for you guys about intro-extroversion

[Von Milash]

Is it possible to either "fake" extroversion, or change your personality from introversion to extroversion? And if so, how do you do it?

I ask because I'm naturally a bit quiet, even a little introverted. It takes a while to get to know me. Thing is, I'm considering working as a financial/investment advisor (was basically offered a job at TD Waterhouse Securities) but the thing is, I'd have to go out and bring in clients (and their financial assets.) ie, I'd have to find my own clientele, $6 million worth to meet my 1st year quota.

I honestly can't see how someone like me, who is NOT a natural salesman or wheeler and dealer, can go out and bother people to be their financial advisor. It would be great if people came to me, but that aint gonna happen. I'd be making cold calls, stopping in to businesses and asking to speak to owners, etc, and honestly, that just aint me.

But can I MAKE it me?

[El Kabong]

You meet people in regular everyday situations...strike up a conversation with people you meet (try not to be awkward)hell talking about the economy is easy as pie everyone wants to talk about it these days and how bad it is.... you apparently know what you are doing...put their minds at ease and let them know that you are the motherfucking man with the plan and bingo bango you've got clients.


Remember the more people you talk to the more chances you will have clients....don't be afraid of getting shot down once in a while....infact if you get good enough you won't even have to put yourself out there to be shot down.

[CFH]

Is it possible to either "fake" extroversion, or change your personality from introversion to extroversion? And if so, how do you do it?

I ask because I'm naturally a bit quiet, even a little introverted. It takes a while to get to know me. Thing is, I'm considering working as a financial/investment advisor (was basically offered a job at TD Waterhouse Securities) but the thing is, I'd have to go out and bring in clients (and their financial assets.) ie, I'd have to find my own clientele, $6 million worth to meet my 1st year quota.

I honestly can't see how someone like me, who is NOT a natural salesman or wheeler and dealer, can go out and bother people to be their financial advisor. It would be great if people came to me, but that aint gonna happen. I'd be making cold calls, stopping in to businesses and asking to speak to owners, etc, and honestly, that just aint me.

But can I MAKE it me?

I think you can force yourself to do it, and over time become more comfortable with it, but I doubt you'll be able to truly change your personality (I could be wrong).

Because of my anxiety/OCD issues, my doctor often advises me to put myself in social situations which make me uncomfortable. Nothing extreme, but he'll suggest that I sit in the front of the class (which makes me very uncomfortable), or to sit far away from the door etc., or to go high up in a building just to demonstrate to myself that no harm will come from it and to make me more comfortable in those situations. It's a slow process, but I've noticed a small amout of progress.

So, over time you'll get used to it, but I don't know if you'll ever like it. That's my opinion anyways, I'm certainly not saying it is concrete, that's just how it has worked for me.

[Kev]

Yeah you can definitely fake it. I'm a natural introvert and unless forced out of the door would naturally just stay in on my own all day, it's just the state gravitate most naturally to.

However it's easy enough to fake socialbility when I have to.

One of the best ways is through reading books on psychology and personality.

Not so much so they can tell you how to behave, or ways to fake your personality but rather that by, for example learning how to speed read people, when you meet someone you will be more focused on what they are saying and trying to work out what kind of person they are.

In other words it takes the focus off of you and makes people interesting.

If you are genuinely interested in someone, even if only because you are trying to see where they fit on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator scale and whether for example they are an ISTP or an ENFJ type person, it will take your mind off your own introvertedness and put the focus on them.

Plus if your job in any way involves sales you should read through the two classics 'How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, and Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.

I like to read books on personal relations, mainly for the reason above, trying to categorise people makes them more interesting to me.

Doesn't even matter if the interperation is accurate, the point is it makes the process of relating to them more interesting and takes you from focusing on yourself to focusing on them.

Just make sure you don't a tell a stranger you have assessed that they are a pessimistic, passive aggressive, judging narcissist because it might not go down well

[Von Milash]

CFH, have to talked to your doc about paxil. you might benefit from it quite a bit.

I guess I should take me own advice there eh? lol.

[kingfrnk]

dont be shy. just take a deep breath and smile .

[Von Milash]

Hey bilb,

I read DC's HTWFAIP many years ago, but I should probably dust it off. The other I'll look in to. I'm sure Dale has also written books for profesisonals in the meantime. There's also that course you can take. Maybe I'll check that out, too.

I also had an idea on picking up a book on bullshitting or con artistry to learn some of what the "pros" do/say to manipulate people. Not too much on the subject though.

It's all about BS'ing, and I suck at it. Stupid morals.

[CFH]

CFH, have to talked to your doc about paxil. you might benefit from it quite a bit.

I guess I should take me own advice there eh? lol.

He's suggested that I go on Effexor, but I've read so much negative things about it that I'm shit fucking scared to take it.

I have a lot of issues around anti-depressants to be honest. I used to be a serious drug user when I was younger, and the idea of being dependent on a drug which I have to take daily to avoid withdrawl/mental consequences does not appeal to me, and to be honest the idea of going back to that sort of situation bothers me a great deal.

I have some other problems with them as well (stigma, personal views about changing my brain chemisty etc).

I'm not against anyone else using them, I just don't know if they're right for me. It's something I'm struggling with.

[Kev]

Hey bilb,

I read DC's HTWFAIP many years ago, but I should probably dust it off. The other I'll look in to. I'm sure Dale has also written books for profesisonals in the meantime. There's also that course you can take. Maybe I'll check that out, too.

I also had an idea on picking up a book on bullshitting or con artistry to learn some of what the "pros" do/say to manipulate people. Not too much on the subject though.

It's all about BS'ing, and I suck at it. Stupid morals.

You don't need to learn how to manipulate people, you just need to find a way to make them interesting and intriguing rather than intimidating.

I've never done any sales work so can't comment on that but I know I talk to people a lot better when I'm interested in them and people like me a lot better when it looks like I find them interesting.

It works both ways as well, I mean if someone clearly finds me interesting that makes me like them.

Most of us think about ourselves 99% of the time so if you can genuinely look and come across like you're interested in someone they will respond to that.

No promises they will buy your insurance mind

[CGM]

At the risk of sounding too negative. I will be the devil's advocate here...

Can an introvert turn himself into an extrovert? Can a naturally shy person become an ace salesman?

You know yourself pretty good, so you would know as good as us. Can you get out there and hustle? Maybe even do cold calls?

It's one thing to give investment advice when times are up, it's another thing to do it when times are down.

Myself, as somewhat of an introvert, I must admit to being somewhat skeptical. At best these things can take time. For myself, starting out on a career by taking a job that would go against my natural grain, especially during economic down times, sounds like a recipe for stress.

Sounds like commision work. Is there a base salary?

p.s. you will need to really believe in what you are doing, IMO

[Von Milash]

Talk to someone about themselves and they'll listen for hours.

It's also not sitting down with them to talk about investments that concerns me, it's getting them to the table in the first place. Once they're there it's your conviction for what you're offering that will sell them. And I could talk about stocks, bonds mutual funds and the current world wide economic crisis all day long.

[CGM]

Agree totally. Once you have their attention and their interest, the rest is easy. Best of luck.

[Von Milash]

At the risk of sounding too negative. I will be the devil's advocate here...

Can an introvert turn himself into an extrovert? Can a naturally shy person become an ace salesman?

You know yourself pretty good, so you would know as good as us. Can you get out there and hustle? Maybe even do cold calls?

It's one thing to give investment advice when times are up, it's another thing to do it when times are down.

Myself, as somewhat of an introvert, I must admit to being somewhat skeptical. At best these things can take time. For myself, starting out on a career by taking a job that would go against my natural grain, especially during economic down times, sounds like a recipe for stress.

Sounds like commision work. Is there a base salary?

p.s. you will need to really believe in what you are doing, IMO

All great points. The current global financial meltdown certainly won't get you new money, but it's a great time to poach because a lot of people are pissed off at their current advisor for losing them money (the natural perception).

This is a salaried job, plus milestone bonuses, for about 18months, and it then becomes commissioned, plus what you get as trailer fees based on the size of your book of assets.

It's not uncommon for those who succeed to be making 200k a year. But you've godda make it, and only about 25% of those who try, do.

[Dizaster]

I've heard of a medication called Relora that is actually supposed to really help lower social anxiety. It isn't an anti-depressant so doesn't have any of the side effects.. It's more of a natural remedy type thing, but a lot of people report that it really helped them..

I also think you can fake extroversion, but at the same time I think you can turn it into extroversion, but it takes work..

Like if you picture yourself thrown into a room with 2 or 3 stangers, and feel you should be talking to them, but there is just that barrier there... You kind of think twice about anything that comes into your head, or you think of something but just put it off, or ask if it's the right thing to say etc. And end up just staying silent.... Well that's definate introversion. Obviously..

When you get to be extroverted, it's not that you feel any of those things and push through them, it's just that they have dissappeared... You're thrown into the room with a couple of strangers, and suddenly your mouth has talked before you've even given it logical permission to say anything.. The barrier and resistance is gone, and it's as if another person has taken over you and is on autopilot.. You can even witness in a way and feel like, wow I would never normally just come out and ask someone that, or say that much to a stranger.. But that's what it is... It's an easiness that takes you over instead of you feeling like their are barriers that are impossible to cross...

I have in no way become an extrovert, but have practiced and put a bit of work into the area, and occassionaly i'll be in situations, where questions and words and stories just come bouncing out of me as if another person was saying them, while my mind is just shut off... Even while i'm saying it another part of me can be saying to myself, wow I never just talk this much... That part that is doing the talking and letting the words go is actually the REAL you that has always been there and wanted to get out... It's a strange feeling, but as soon as you start to work on this area, it'll happen more and more often, and you'll feel that it's not like you are breaking through the barrier, or going over it, but that it doesn't exist anymore, and a part of you takes advantage of it before you even get a chance to question it....

I'll try to think of a couple of ways to work on it... I'm sure there are better ones than any that I come up with, but here are some that have helped me..

1) This is absolutely the most important one I have ever done - Record yourself on a video talking... At first it feels weird, like your being watched and you get like, nervous and can't think what to say, and keep getting stuck in your head.. Just plan on talking for 5 minutes, about whatever you like.. You're day, your job. etc... Whatever.. For the sake of it, make it into a video diary type thing.. THEN do another one.. You can do it 20 minutes later, or the next day or whenever.. You'll feel that it gets easier and easier, and ever time you do it you get a little bit more out of your head... Pretend you are just talking to a friend...
I actually do this on my mobile phone whenever i'm in my car.. I put the phone in where the instrument panel is aimed at me, hit record, then talk the whole way to my destination... Then even if I didn't have my phone, I would pretend I did and talk as if I was recording it..

Just doing this one thing alone made me talk so much more when I was around people.. It just made it a natural thing... Because if you are an introvert, you probably don't talk to much.. You talk a lot in your head, but not a lot out loud.. And when you do talk out loud and it's in a situation where others could judge you, you end up thinking about it to much.. So this exercise just makes it natural to talk, about anything. And you get used to your own voice and telling stories and just saying whatever... It makes a huge difference,,, and while you're doing these video's or just talking as if it's to someone in your car, something clicks in you're brain or belief system that says it's okay to talk out loud around people and no one is going to care.... THAT is what brings out that part of you that just goes ahead and says something when you're with people that you wouldn't normally say...


Anyway, that is a huge one for me and will be for you if you try doing.. If you feel silly doing it, THAT'S GREAT because it'll work even better when you start feeling natural doing it...

Trust me, sitting in silence in your car for an hour, then getting out and expecting to talk to strangers is pretty difficult.. But talk non stop in you're car for an hour as if someone else was there, and when you get out, you'll find it even more difficult to be silent.. Even around strangers..


I'm going to think of some more things that may help or have helped me... It takes a bit of work on the side, but it's fun and it's really really fast before you start seeing results just happen with absolutely no effort at all...