Worst kiss of your life??

[Dizaster]

For mine it is a tie between two girls...

1. Anita : This was a girl that I thought was pretty cute in high school. Was about 17 at the time. Was at her birthday party and she got too drunk and I held her hair back while she puked, so that won her over.. Anyway, she liked me after that but I was with my girlfriend for another 6 months.. Once that was done, I had this girl over for drinks with mates...
Anyway, later in the night we started smoochin, and man it was like kissing a turtle... Her tounge was like this slow motion turtle head slowlllllllly coming out of her mouth about a 20th of an inch, then would retreat all the way back in before starting over again. SLOOOWWWLlllllllyyyyyy.. It was weird as shit and impossible to do anything with... She had ENORMOUUUUUSSS honkers for a woman of ANY age so they more than made up for it.. For a couple of weeks, then I just gave up... No le pasionne.... On a kind of equal note, she had the driest spadge on the face of the planet... Like, fingering was basically impossible as it was dry and clammed up,,,, you would need hand tools and more than a dash of gusto just to get past the flaps.... After the snatch i'd been dating which got so wet you could drown a small child in it, I just wasn't into this new chick at all..

2. Alicia - This one pains me as this was one seriously seriously cute girl... Was a chick I talked to on the internet.. She was a cold hard bitch online and rude as f'ck and just a real bitch, like REAL bitch and I held absolutely no hope for her in person,,,, BUT, in person she was as nice as you could possibly imagine anyone could be... Like, soft spoken and sweet please/thankyou,,, just a lovely lovely girl... and sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo freakin cute, and these perky tits you could play a round of 72 holes off, just this really fine chick...
I was kissing another girl at the time and this girl knew it, but I gave her a ride somewhere and as she got out i'm like, "Hey the ride wasn't for free you know" (Fuck shoulda rememberd that line for my recent experience)... She knew what I mean but was like "you're kissing that other girl, I don't want to upset that.." blah, someting like that.. I'm like, pffff I don't mind...

So she leans in, and i'm like, damn this chick is the finest chick i'll have ever kissed.. I'm preparing kinda watching her perky tits as she leans back in the passanger side to plant one on me.... Then BANGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG what THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO MY MOUTH!!! This chick's tounge just rams in, and takes off doing like 7000 rpms around the edges inside of my mouth.. The kiss had barely been going 2 seconds before my brain had named her "The washing machine".... It was seriously bizarre just like, circle after circle at a zillion miles an hour... Non stop until the kiss was over.... My tounge is just like this shy dude in the corner of the room like, shit, what do I do, this shit is crazy... what do I do

I didn't see the girl after that.. Not for that reason alone,,,,, I'm thinking that shit would have been fantastic on other area's of the body,,,, but the other chick I was kissing at the time was a F R E A K and I was hooked on that to much...

[AdamGB]

Easily when I was about 13/14, I was sitting down in the middle of town were everybody hung out and out of nowere she stuck her tongue down my throat - my mouth was fucking full of half chewed food for god's sake... also she kept her eyes open which is just fucking freaky.

I remember about 2 years later she started trying to dance with me in a club, trying to bump and grind... she wasn't too impressed when I literally picked her up, turned her around and removed her from the dance floor before walking off.

[Kev]

Easily when I was about 13/14, I was sitting down in the middle of town were everybody hung out and out of nowere she stuck her tongue down my throat - my mouth was fucking full of half chewed food for god's sake... also she kept her eyes open which is just fucking freaky.

I remember about 2 years later she started trying to dance with me in a club, trying to bump and grind... she wasn't too impressed when I literally picked her up, turned her around and removed her from the dance floor before walking off.

haha I can relate to that! Something quite alarming about eye contact during making out. It always makes me think about being eaten alive by a giant squid or octopus for some reason. I just imagine the final moments of a diver being pulled closer and closer to that giant parrot like beak mouth and having to stare into the creature's cold, empty saucer eyes whilst it sucks out your insides.

[Howlin Mad Missy]

never had a bad one. Remember one guy was a little too sloppy.

I must make better selections than you guys

[Kev]

never had a bad one. Remember one guy was a little too sloppy.

I must make better selections than you guys

I imagine the rule is that if you've never had a bad kiss, then you must be the bad kisser.

[Howlin Mad Missy]

never had a bad one. Remember one guy was a little too sloppy.

I must make better selections than you guys

I imagine the rule is that if you've never had a bad kiss, then you must be the bad kisser.

nope. It's a matter of being in sync and responsive....same for other stuff to. A little bit like dancing with a partner.

[Jimanuel Boogustus]

Admin Error

[Jimanuel Boogustus]

I've never had a bad kiss but i suppose the worst kiss by any definition would have to be my first.


The girl i kissed was a couple of years older than me, I was 13 and she now could be regarded as a complete pikey/ chav... But i didn't know or care about that at the time.

She tasted of Old English cyder and Wrigley's Spearmint Gum and I had a raging hard on!

It was embarrassing though! I mean her mates, who were like 2 feet away, were making comments like; ''why are you moving your head like that?'' and ''How many girls have you kissed'' and ''Christina, I hope you ain't giving him a blowjob after (giggle-giggle)''

It's all just cringeworthy when I think about it now.

I mean, if I ever saw this scenario unfold infront of me: A 15 year old half-pissed-pikey-bird snogging the face of a 13 year old while her mates are on the wind up. Well I might just loose a little faith in parenthood

[AdamGB]

lol I can't speak for the others Missy, but I didn't really have much of a choice in the matter!

Easily when I was about 13/14, I was sitting down in the middle of town were everybody hung out and out of nowere she stuck her tongue down my throat - my mouth was fucking full of half chewed food for god's sake... also she kept her eyes open which is just fucking freaky.

I remember about 2 years later she started trying to dance with me in a club, trying to bump and grind... she wasn't too impressed when I literally picked her up, turned her around and removed her from the dance floor before walking off.

haha I can relate to that! Something quite alarming about eye contact during making out. It always makes me think about being eaten alive by a giant squid or octopus for some reason. I just imagine the final moments of a diver being pulled closer and closer to that giant parrot like beak mouth and having to stare into the creature's cold, empty saucer eyes whilst it sucks out your insides.

In my case only my lunch ended up getting sucked...

[Howlin Mad Missy]

lol I can't speak for the others Missy, but I didn't really have much of a choice in the matter!

Easily when I was about 13/14, I was sitting down in the middle of town were everybody hung out and out of nowere she stuck her tongue down my throat - my mouth was fucking full of half chewed food for god's sake... also she kept her eyes open which is just fucking freaky.

I remember about 2 years later she started trying to dance with me in a club, trying to bump and grind... she wasn't too impressed when I literally picked her up, turned her around and removed her from the dance floor before walking off.

haha I can relate to that! Something quite alarming about eye contact during making out. It always makes me think about being eaten alive by a giant squid or octopus for some reason. I just imagine the final moments of a diver being pulled closer and closer to that giant parrot like beak mouth and having to stare into the creature's cold, empty saucer eyes whilst it sucks out your insides.

In my case only my lunch ended up getting sucked...

you'd be all fuzzy that close up anyway

[ono]

Classic Thread Material again. I don't know how you do it. You're life is like a sitcom.

[Dizaster]

Easily when I was about 13/14, I was sitting down in the middle of town were everybody hung out and out of nowere she stuck her tongue down my throat - my mouth was fucking full of half chewed food for god's sake... also she kept her eyes open which is just fucking freaky.

I remember about 2 years later she started trying to dance with me in a club, trying to bump and grind... she wasn't too impressed when I literally picked her up, turned her around and removed her from the dance floor before walking off.

haha I can relate to that! Something quite alarming about eye contact during making out. It always makes me think about being eaten alive by a giant squid or octopus for some reason. I just imagine the final moments of a diver being pulled closer and closer to that giant parrot like beak mouth and having to stare into the creature's cold, empty saucer eyes whilst it sucks out your insides.

HAHAhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I will never open my eyes again for fear of this site.. i almost pissed my pants reading that!

[HattonTheHammer]

Rather ugly girl i took a shining too once about the 12th or 13th pint was sunk and decided around 2am to make my move.

It was horrible, she literally had no idea what she was doing and just tried to tongue every part of my mouth frantically, sloppy as fuk

I remember thinking to myself at the time although she cant kiss for shit she probably gives an incredible blowjob hence the reason folked out £80 for a hotel room for the pair of us

[Andre]

I never asked his name, (where the fuk has the embarrassment smile gone?)

Long story..it was all to stop a small bike gang war in Vics hamburger bar late on a Friday/Sat night in Frankston about 30 years ago, (I forget what colors they had) Maybe coffin cheaters as they wernt from our parts, anyway they were real pissed at my mates for being smart asses to them.
I walked in and tried to talk my way out of it, said to the leader of the bikers dont worry dude we are just like you lads we ride too we are just like one of you, he said prove it kiss me, I just laughed but it went down after an uncomfortable silence and then everyone laughed and that was that, they shook hands and left. Needs must when the devil drives,I read it well we would of ended up in hospital.
One of mates who is just an angry dwarf was saying after wards to me ya fukkin pussy we could of had them! for years afterwards he would always rabbit punch me when I wasnt expecting it or come up and take a thousand pissed swings and shots which Id block until he got tired and secrectly more angry. Until one day I thought what the hell as he eye balled me and I placed a foot through his solar plexus, stupid bastard never knew who he was dealing with until then. Now the silly cunt actually asks if he can try and get one in on me .

[JazMerkin]

This isn't even difficult for me.

Zahra - Girl I went out with for about 2 weeks in college. Loadsa man were on it, but I got her. She had great lips and serious back off, so I was really looking forward to it, but lipsing her actually bordered on painful, because she just sent her tongue all over the place. I had a few more goes to see if it was just a bad day, but no, so she had to get dashed. About a year and a bit later, she went all religious and started wearing a hijab. Although the world was denied the sight of a truly fantastic arse, many another man was saved from her tongue's thresher machine motions.