My wife has agreed to a challenge. I say I can gain 5kg during my 7 week trip home and she thinks it is impossible whence agreeing to the challenge. If I do this I will get a prize of a thousand pounds to spend on whatever I like. It seems people like Hatton and Duran can do this easily and I suppose in some respects I do live a food deprived life a little like a boxer. However, I clearly don't work out or anything like that.

I am determined to gain a little weight for the first time in my life, so would like some advice on how to go about it. How many calories a day should I be aiming for? I am a very skinny human being, so you wouldn't think it would be that hard to add a few pounds, but I do seem to afflicted with the metabolism of a Formula One car.

Even with another 5kg, I think I would look just like a normal human being. If I was female I would likely be on the catwalk shaking my non-existent booty.

Tips on becoming an English person?