Just remembered a word I have been thinking about for two weeks. Fortnight.

My mate went to a U2 gig and Bono demanded silence, raise his hands above his head and began to clap slowly.
"Every time I clap my hands, a child dies in Africa", he told the crowd. "Shouldn't you stop doing it then?" shouted someone.

A duck is about to cross the road when the chicken tells him "don't do it, you'll never hear the end of it".

My wife has been hitting the bottle quite hard lately. She still cant get the last bit of ketchup out.