Any good jokes ????

[Master]

My porn star friend recently passed away. As a mark of respect, We had his ashes
scattered over his wifes face.

Did you play some crap 70's music in the background as you did it?

Haha of course mate

Did she say "sneller sneller" and you were wearing only your socks?

[chinchekked]

Lol

[roberto duran legend]

After shagging Cheryl Cole yesterday,i think there are 3 things you should know......
First her fanny is tight as fuck, a real struggle to get it in. Secondly she takes it over
her face without any complaint, and thirdly the staff at Madame Tussauds are
fucking miserable fuckers with no sense of humour.........

[roberto duran legend]

Paddy and Mick went to London to donate sperm, it was a disaster,Paddy missed the tube,
and Mick came on the bus......

[GOAT]

Working for free as a slave for a CEO that calls you a communist.

lollapalooza

[roberto duran legend]

Gary Nevilles father Neville Neville has been arrested on sexual assault charges,
if he carries on like that he is going to get himself a bad name.

[Andre]

There is a fine line between a fisherman and just some idiot standing on a beach.

[Andre]

Learning to speak Irish..

Oil beef hooked.

(Someone actually attempted calling a racehorse that )

[deepdaledez]

Two English women go on holiday to Jamica, they didn't realise just how hot Jamaica is compared to England, they step off the plane and straight into stifling heat.

They struggle for days to keep cool and resort to just sitting in the shade during the daytime.

A few days in they decide to risk a walk to the beach, when at the beach they notice a big Jamaician lady sat on the beach eating a slice of melon, they walk past the lady and have to do a double take as they notice she's wearing a skirt but no knickers!

One of the English women turns round to the other and says, "Did you notice that? She had no knickers on! Do you think that's how they cope with the heat"? "Let's ask her!" Says the other woman.

They approach the lady and say "excuse me" to which the Jamacian lady says "ya whadda you want"? "We notice you've no knickers on, and me and my friend were wondering if that's to keep you cool"? And she replys "No man it's to keep the flys off me melon"!

[El Kabong]

Learning to speak Irish..

Oil beef hooked.

(Someone actually attempted calling a racehorse that )

Then you'll know why Irish bean stew has exactly two hundred and thirty-nine beans in it......because 1 more would be Two Forty (Too Farty)

[Violent Demise]

An old Germen man is walking up the stairs trying to get to his apartment. On the way up he sees two 11 year old girls (one jew, one black) sitting on the stairs doing home work.

Black girl: You almost finish yet? I'm done with my family tree

Jew girl: That's cuz your family tree is easier to do

Black girl: Why you say that?

Jew girl: Cuz you got a big family. If you need help you got your parents, your grand parents and even your great grand parents you can go to. I don't even have grand parents

Black girl: That is so sad

Jew girl: It is. I would do anything for a chance to talk to my great grand parents. I'll even suck a dick

Soon as he heard that the old man grabbed the jewish girl by her wrist. Took her inside his apartment and sat her in front of his oven.

You got 5 minutes to talk to your relatives and than I'm sticking my dick in your mouth

[deepdaledez]

A man walks into a petrol station and says to the woman behind the till "Can I have Kit-Kat Chunky" she turns round and passes him a Kit-Kat Chunky, "No," he says, "I wanted a normal Kit-Kat you fat bitch"!

[boxingbro]

Two English women go on holiday to Jamica, they didn't realise just how hot Jamaica is compared to England, they step off the plane and straight into stifling heat.

They struggle for days to keep cool and resort to just sitting in the shade during the daytime.

A few days in they decide to risk a walk to the beach, when at the beach they notice a big Jamaician lady sat on the beach eating a slice of melon, they walk past the lady and have to do a double take as they notice she's wearing a skirt but no knickers!

One of the English women turns round to the other and says, "Did you notice that? She had no knickers on! Do you think that's how they cope with the heat"? "Let's ask her!" Says the other woman.

They approach the lady and say "excuse me" to which the Jamacian lady says "ya whadda you want"? "We notice you've no knickers on, and me and my friend were wondering if that's to keep you cool"? And she replys "No man it's to keep the flys off me melon"!

Never heard that one before

[roberto duran legend]

Plans have begun for Margaret Thatchers state funeral.It will be the first time ever
that the 21 gun salute is fired into the coffin.

[Master]

Plans have begun for Margaret Thatchers state funeral.It will be the first time ever
that the 21 gun salute is fired into the coffin.

Something tells me there will be a lot of these jokes coming from you.