Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short sighted and ready to charge.

If you are marooned on a desert island what record would you want?" asked the DJ on the radio. "The record for swimming the farthest!"

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with Fonz. Happy days.

If you are going to hide a body, don't put it under a white tent. The police always seem to look there first.

Had my first cage fight last night. The budgie didn't know what hit him.