It is you. It is not what it is - you are what you decide to do and be.

No one is perfect. I'm glad you're not bragging about it anymore.

I think if you hate your wife you should split up with her and find another way to support yourself.

Even if it wasn't a permanent split and the two of you decided to get back together in a year or two when you're older and more mature it'd be better than becoming whatever you would call what you're heading towards.