Any good jokes ????

[Slim the BoxingManiac]

I'm a liverpool fan.

Just kidding. I'm an American.

[Andre]

I'm a liverpool fan.

Just kidding. I'm an American.

Same thing.

[Slim the BoxingManiac]

I'm a liverpool fan.

Just kidding. I'm an American.

Same thing.

I had no idea.

[roberto duran legend]

Whats Arsenal and Heather Mills got in common , the second leg is just for show .
Champions league

[Master]

Sven-Goran Eriksson is on 'Who wants to be a Millionaire' and has reached the £1 million question.

Chris Tarrant says,

"Right Sven, this is for a £1 million, and remember, you still have two lifelines left, so please take your time.

"Here's your question: What type of animal lives in a Set?
"Is it. a, a badger b, a ferret c, a mole or d, a cuckoo?"

Sven ponders for a while and says, "No, I'm sorry Chris, I'm not too sure.
I'll have to go 50-50."

"Right, Sven, let's take away two wrong answers and see what you're left with.

'Badger' and 'Cuckoo' are the two remaining answers."

Sven has a long think, then scratches his head and says, "No, Chris, I'm still not sure, I'm going to have to phone a friend."

So who are you going to call, Sven?" says Chris.
"Hmmm, I think I'll call David Beckham."

So Tarrant phones David Beckham. "David, this is Chris Tarrant from 'Who wants to be a Millionaire'.
I've got Sven-Goran Eriksson here, and with your help he could win £1 million. The next voice you hear will be Sven's."

"Hello David" says Sven. "It's the boss here. What type of animal lives in a set? Is it a badger or a cuckoo?"

"It's a badger, boss." says Becks without hesitation.

"You sure, son?" says Sven.
"Definitely, boss. One hundred percent. It's a badger.
Definitely."

"Right, Chris," says Sven, "I'll go with David. The answer's a badger.

"Final answer, Sven?"

"Final answer, Chris."

"That's the correct answer. You've won £1 million!" Cue wild celebrations.

Next morning at training, Sven calls Beckham across.
"Son, that was brilliant last night. I thought I might be taking a gamble giving you a call, but you played a blinder! But how the heck did you know that a badger lives in a set?"


"Oh I didn't, boss..." replies Beckham, ..........
> >
> >"... But everybody knows a cuckoo lives in a clock!"

[roberto duran legend]

A surgeon was operating on a man when he slips and accidently cutts off the mans balls.
He quickly inserts 2 onions and sews his scrotum back up.
One month later the man goes back for a check up." any problems ? " asks the surgeon.
" a few " explains the man.
" I cry when i piss, my wife gets heartburn after a blowjob, and i get a fucking hard on
when i see a cheese sandwich".

[Andre]

Mick goes to the doctors and says that his sex life is slipping dramatically.
The doctor checks him out and says "you are just unfit, run 6 miles day for two weeks and then give me a call".
He rings the doc in two weeks and the Doc asks hows his sex life is.
Mick says "How the fec would I know, Im 85 miles from home?'

[Violent Demise]

An old Germen man is walking up the stairs trying to get to his apartment. On the way up he sees two 11 year old girls (one jew, one black) sitting on the stairs doing home work.

Black girl: You almost finish yet? I'm done with my family tree

Jew girl: That's cuz your family tree is easier to do

Black girl: Why you say that?

Jew girl: Cuz you got a big family. If you need help you got your parents, your grand parents and even your great grand parents you can go to. I don't even have grand parents

Black girl: That is so sad

Jew girl: It is. I would do anything for a chance to talk to my great grand parents. I'll even suck a dick

Soon as he heard that the old man grabbed the jewish girl by her wrist. Took her inside his apartment and sat her in front of his oven.

You got 5 minutes to talk to your relatives and than I'm sticking my dick in your mouth