I think it's a bit overly descriptive at times. She has a "cold, hard stagnant sigh," a "slow, tired and weary glance."

"He was then on the other side of the street, facing a city building built of sad maroon bricks.

Its maybe a bit much, but its up to you.

Still, its quite cinematic. Just thinking out loud, but maybe you could make a youtube video of you narrating and then acting out the dialogue?