I'd Like Some Opinions on My Short Story

[Master]

Miles you are a strict teacher.

[Gandalf]

Miles you are a strict teacher.

Not so much, but there is always room to improve and he is very young. The flow isn't quite there and too many adjectives seem to be in place just to make it more 'writerly' rather than to have it ebb and flow at a natural pace.

As an early example of writing it is fine, but if I were to proof check I would underline passages and urge reconsideration. I guess Hemmingway is on my brain as I read a lot of his work a few months ago. It's a style I am drawn to.