I'd Like Some Opinions on My Short Story

[Slim the BoxingManiac]

I think it's a bit overly descriptive at times. She has a "cold, hard stagnant sigh," a "slow, tired and weary glance."

"He was then on the other side of the street, facing a city building built of sad maroon bricks.

Its maybe a bit much, but its up to you.

Still, its quite cinematic. Just thinking out loud, but maybe you could make a youtube video of you narrating and then acting out the dialogue?

You're right. It'd probably be smart for me to simplify some of the descriptions and make it more pleasing to the eye.

I'll keep the cinematic idea in mind.

It is A level material and that is what age you are. You couldn't get published, but you could get a B at A level with that. It is student level writing, you asked for opinions and there you have one.

Alright, any tips on improvement?

Thanks, both of you, for commenting. I appreciate your time and honesty.