Any good jokes ????

[roberto duran legend]

I saw my Dwarf neighbour at the bus stop today,so i stopped and said
"Jump in i will take you home". " Piss off you prick" he replied.I said "fine
suit yourself." So i zipped up my backpack and kept on walking.

[Master]

WOMENS PERSONAL ADS

40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

[Dia bando]

My Wife has told me, I must stop eating my favorite Aldi beef lasagne just in case
I get the trots.

[Master]

Men's Personal Ads

40-ish - 52 but looking for 25-yr-old

Athletic - Sits on the couch all day and watches sports

Average looking - Ugly

Average weight - Used to weigh 300lb, now weighs 297lb

Educated - Will always correct you and treat you like a retard

Free spirit - Likely to cheat, maybe with a family member

Friendship first - Wants to check your not too ugly first

Fun - Good with a remote and a six pack

Good Looking - Big headed

Honest - A good liar

Huggable - Overweight and enough body hair to resemble a teddy bear

Like to cuddle - Insecure

Polite - Says excuse me when he lets one rip

Open-minded - Will start dating your sister if she's better looking than you

Physically fit - Spends a lot of time admiring himself in the mirror

Religious - Went to church with his grandmother once when he was young

Committed - Occasional stalker, but never arrested

Thoughtful - Says "Please" when demanding a beer

Adventurous - Slept with everyone

[Stickgrappler]

Q.: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A.: No-eye deer.

Q.: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A.: Still. No-eye deer.

Q.: What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no ears?
A.: Can't hear. Still. No-eye deer.

Q.: What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no ears and no genitalia?
A.: Can't hear. Still. No f#cking eye deer.

[boozeboxer]

My Wife has told me, I must stop eating my favorite Aldi beef lasagne just in case
I get the trots.

Can you explain?

[mattboxingfan]

My Wife has told me, I must stop eating my favorite Aldi beef lasagne just in case
I get the trots.

Can you explain?

There's a horse meat scandal going on in the UK. They have tested a brand of lasagna and it turned out it was horse meat instead of beef.

[mattboxingfan]

Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman are in a pub talking about having sex with there wives. The Englishman say's when I have sex with my wife she hovers a foot of the bed with pleasure. The Scotsman not to be outdone say's when I have sex with my wife she hovers 2 foot over the bed with pleasure. The Irishman say's that's nothing when I've finished having sex with my wife I wipe my dick on the curtains and she hits the roof!

[boozeboxer]

My Wife has told me, I must stop eating my favorite Aldi beef lasagne just in case
I get the trots.

Can you explain?

There's a horse meat scandal going on in the UK. They have tested a brand of lasagna and it turned out it was horse meat instead of beef.

Oh i heard about this on NPR.

[Andre]

My Wife has told me, I must stop eating my favorite Aldi beef lasagne just in case
I get the trots.

Can you explain?

There's a horse meat scandal going on in the UK. They have tested a brand of lasagna and it turned out it was horse meat instead of beef.

Oh i heard about this on NPR.

You mean NQR.

Similar thing happened out here with some black Caviar, I think it even won a race.