Any good jokes ????

[roberto duran legend]

Seen a dwarf getting pick pocketed today on the train,how can some people stoop so low.

[Andre]

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.

He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.

She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket.

Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.

How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.

[Dia bando]

What makes you proud and cry at the same time,
when your wife tells you have a bigger dick than all your mates.

[angliaboy]

Rang the amputee helpline the other day.
Got cut off.

[Stickgrappler]

Tragically, a bus on a busy street struck an old Catholic man.

He was lying near death on the sidewalk as a crowd gathered.

"A priest" the man gasped.

A policeman checked the crowd and finally yelled, "A PRIEST, PLEASE! Isn't there a priest in this crowd to give this man his last rites?"

Finally, out of the crowd stepped a little old Jewish man in his 80s.

"Mr. Policeman," said the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Christian. But for 50 years now, I'm living behind the Catholic Church on Second Avenue , and every night I'm overhearing their services. I can recall a lot of it, and maybe I can be of some comfort to this poor man."

The policeman agreed, and cleared the crowd so the man could get through to where the injured man lay.

The old Jewish man knelt down, leaned over the man and said in a solemn voice:...........

B-5 .... I-19 ... N-38 ... G-54 .... O-72

[Stickgrappler]

Richard is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his Bride-to-be is still a Virgin.

His doctor says ... "Richard, all the men I know use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit … a small can of Red paint, a small can of Blue paint, and a Shovel."

Richard asks ... "And what do I do with these things, doc?"

The doctor replies ... "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls Red and the other ball Blue. If she says ... 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen,' ... then you hit her with the Shovel.”

[Stickgrappler]

Just passing on what I heard... don't kill the messenger!

Q: How many Mexicans does it take to KO Pacquiao?
A: Just Juan.

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Q: How many Mexicans did Pacquiao beat?
A: Manny.

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CJ Ross