Any good jokes ????

[Master]

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her adult class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The male group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your salary on accessories for it.
The female group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.

The women won.

[Stickgrappler]

lol at Master's joke

oh waitaminit! i resemble that remark!

[Stickgrappler]

On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new husband and asked
For $20.00 for their first lovemaking
Encounter.
In his highly aroused state,
Her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
She needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had been let go.


It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.


Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the
bank which was worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.


She explained that for more than
Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied and these were the
Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!'

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when
To keep their mouths shut

[Stickgrappler]

Morris Schwartz is dying and is on his deathbed. He is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them:

"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."

"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."

"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown"

The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says to the wife, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property."

Sarah replies, "Property shmoperty...the schmuck had a newspaper route."

[Dia bando]

My Wife just told me, she is leaving me because of my poor vocabulary.!
I was lost for words.

[Stickgrappler]

When you make a typo, the errorists win.

[Stickgrappler]

Not sure if the Non-Americans know "hillbilly" - generally a person not born/raised/living in an urban environment... someone from the Hills or farms

-------------------

A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged 3 ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like hillbillies. The game warden ordered the hillbilly to show him his hunting license and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license.

The game warden reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt and said, "This duck ain't from West Virginia. This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentucky huntin' license, boy?" The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license. The game warden looked at it, reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, "This ain't no Kentucky duck. This duck's from Tennessee. You got a Tennessee license?" The hillbilly reached into his wallet and pulled out a Tennessee hunting license. The game warden then reached over and picked up the 3rd duck, sniffed its butt, and said, "This ain't no Tennessee duck. This duck's from Virginia.

You got a Virginia hunting license, boy?" Again, the hillbilly reached into his wallet and pulled out a Virginia hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, yelled at the hillbilly, "Just where the hell you from?" The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants and said, "You tell me, you're the expert."