A man walked into a pet shop.

I'll have a tropical fish please.

Do you want an aquarium?

I dont give a fuck what star sign it is mate.

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How do you treat someone thats become addicted to counselling?

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MY girlfriend left me because of my impotence. There were no hard feelings.

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My girlfriend said I've been taking my detective work home with me too much. She thinks we should split up. Great idea I said, we can cover more ground that way.

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I feel sorry for midget parents. No matter how hard they work, they still struggle to put food on the table.

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I phoned the local gymnastics centre and asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. They said how flexible are you? I said I cant do Tuesdays or Thursdays.

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I was reading a book the other day. The history of glue. I couldnt put it down.

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I saw a man playing dancing queen on a didgeridoo. I thought that's Aboriginal.

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It's West Indian hair day at work next week. Im dreading it to be honest.