Quote Originally Posted by El Kabong View Post
...having just now read your actual problem, I'll post a non-smartass response (I won't even mention the jumpers I've seen....btw you don't want that, it don't pay off for anyone)

During any arguments men and women do things differently and here are a few pointers and hints I have for you:
#1 Man seeks to avoid confrontations and "shuts down"...we don't want to get our full "angry on" in front of our lady, it's ungentlemenly and we'd like to avoid it...in my observations women are both angered and confused by this tactic.

#2 Women are bat shit crazy, during an argument they'll say things like "I don't want to talk about it" while they MEAN "I want you to pay no attention to me saying 'I don't want to talk about it' and demand to address the issue to show your dedication to making this relationship work and show that you are in charge and can solve problems".....and this is why women are a "mystery" to some but just plain old fucking crazy to me. It's not that I don't love and appreciate them, it's just they take logic and kick it to the curb.

#3 As a man this totally sucks, but if you seriously want stuff to get better you've got to put your big boy pants on and calmly and rationally talk this out with her. Be supportive (unless there is a conflict of intrest) be understanding, use "I" statements when talking to her so as not to sound like you're accusing her of anything, for example "When you ____, I feel _____" (or "When you call me lazy, I feel like ____") ...all this sounds totally gay and the keeping calm and being understanding and all will be very difficult, but you'll at least get to the root of the problem....what you do from there is something for you two to handle.
It must be my male side coming because I'm too lazy to read all the thread but as the token woman here, MILES. El Kabong is correct at least on part 1 & 3.

If you walk away from an argument it looks like you avoiding dealing with a problem which makes us even madder.

Simple thing is this and you know it already. Men and women communicate differently. If you adjust your reactions to her you will a different reaction from her. Think of it as retraining a dog, ahem. First you'll get confusion and resistance.

Regarding point 2. I know men especially like to think they're logically. Most people base most decisions on emototions and not logic...or if you're a guy who doesn't have emotions you have 'gut' reactions.

Also consider things from her point of view. Regarding work. From her point of view she feels she has helped you find work...you're now saying you don't want to do it...she's seeing that as a rejection of HER so she will get pissy about it.

It takes two. Look, if spot a man developing a 404 error - that glazed over expression you get when stop listening especially we've mentioned something emotional that causes your brain to freeze up - I stop talking because I know you've stopped listening. This is great when you're calm but when upset that shit goes out the window.