How do you deal with constant nagging?

[Gandalf]

I have been married now for just over five years and one thing that has really started to bug me is the incessant nagging. Since coming back from my holiday, the nagging is something that has really begun to stand out. It's all the time now. Honestly, anything I say right now gets turned into a verbal sparring match. I will say something, anything, and it will get turned into WW3. The same thing happened today. I simply said that I didn't want to do an early morning company class (starting 8am) and would much rather just work my regular teaching hours (between 10 and 6) and immediately she was on me calling me lazy, saying that I am useless, and telling me that she will never find me extra work again. Blah, blah, blah. A lot of histrionics over nothing. This time I put my foot down and simply told her to stop talking because I was just not in the mood for another row. Thereafter I simply ignored her and she stormed off to her room and here I am looking at a nice quiet night in the living room. I'm not complaining.

Ever since coming back from holiday she has been like this. The holiday was quite nice actually, but faltered a little towards the end which I had put down to PMS, but it's been getting progressively worse ever since. If I complain that it's too hot, I am always complaining. If I have a drink, I get called a drinking machine. If I wear a nice shirt and accidentally spill some dinner on it, I am in the doghouse. Today I went to work and my umbrella got stolen. I had to come home in the rain and my shirt was creased and drenched. It had been freshly ironed so I hurriedly put it in the bottom of the washing machine in fear of being accused of abusing my newly ironed clothes. That's just sad really.

One thing that annoyed my wife is that her company offered her a six month position in the UK and she asked me to drop all my contracts and just fly over there with her and do that. But I put my foot down and said no. I mean, no way will I just jump and leave like that. Korea is no heaven, but I have my responsibilities and ties here and to be honest I am more than settled. Maybe this is her sweet revenge, but if so it is extremely childish and tbh, I am getting towards the end of my tether with the whole shenanigans. It's not the easiest of things living overseas and if your supposed partner is then also trying to make everything you do so difficult then it leads to a lot of misery. I guess I'm just not very happy right now which is a shame because I really enjoyed my holiday and have come back quite refreshed. I haven't mentioned politics once since coming back!

So a thread about being nagged at and being in the doghouse. What are your experiences and how did you deal with it?

[El Kabong]

....I suggest getting a hobby


This is very important....with women you can either be RIGHT or you can be HAPPY, words to live by man

[BIG H]

All woman are cunts

Hope this helps

[Gandalf]

LOL at Bilbo's thread in the threads that come up at the bottom of the page! That's a great story right there!

[ICB]

I have been married now for just over five years and one thing that has really started to bug me is the incessant nagging. Since coming back from my holiday, the nagging is something that has really begun to stand out. It's all the time now. Honestly, anything I say right now gets turned into a verbal sparring match. I will say something, anything, and it will get turned into WW3. The same thing happened today. I simply said that I didn't want to do an early morning company class (starting 8am) and would much rather just work my regular teaching hours (between 10 and 6) and immediately she was on me calling me lazy, saying that I am useless, and telling me that she will never find me extra work again. Blah, blah, blah. A lot of histrionics over nothing. This time I put my foot down and simply told her to stop talking because I was just not in the mood for another row. Thereafter I simply ignored her and she stormed off to her room and here I am looking at a nice quiet night in the living room. I'm not complaining.

Ever since coming back from holiday she has been like this. The holiday was quite nice actually, but faltered a little towards the end which I had put down to PMS, but it's been getting progressively worse ever since. If I complain that it's too hot, I am always complaining. If I have a drink, I get called a drinking machine. If I wear a nice shirt and accidentally spill some dinner on it, I am in the doghouse. Today I went to work and my umbrella got stolen. I had to come home in the rain and my shirt was creased and drenched. It had been freshly ironed so I hurriedly put it in the bottom of the washing machine in fear of being accused of abusing my newly ironed clothes. That's just sad really.

One thing that annoyed my wife is that her company offered her a six month position in the UK and she asked me to drop all my contracts and just fly over there with her and do that. But I put my foot down and said no. I mean, no way will I just jump and leave like that. Korea is no heaven, but I have my responsibilities and ties here and to be honest I am more than settled. Maybe this is her sweet revenge, but if so it is extremely childish and tbh, I am getting towards the end of my tether with the whole shenanigans. It's not the easiest of things living overseas and if your supposed partner is then also trying to make everything you do so difficult then it leads to a lot of misery. I guess I'm just not very happy right now which is a shame because I really enjoyed my holiday and have come back quite refreshed. I haven't mentioned politics once since coming back!

So a thread about being nagged at and being in the doghouse. What are your experiences and how did you deal with it?

Get a younger model.

[ono]

You just have to soldier on mate. Women are like that. Nagging is a hobby. In reality you're not the man she wanted to end up with. There's nothing wrong with you, she just had unrealistic expectations. It's like Chris Rock said..."Have you ever just caught your wife looking at you? She's just looking at you, and she's thinking 'How the fuck did i end up with you?" That's everyone's wife, at some point. The sooner we realise that, the better we'll feel.

Look on the bright side, death is no longer to be feared. After spending 30 odd years with the same woman, death will be a sweet release. Hope this helps. If you're going to jump, you already know that 5 stories isn't quite high enough

[El Kabong]

If you're going to jump, you already know that 5 stories isn't quite high enough

....actually depending on what surface you land on and how you land 5 stories is good enough, I do know from experience that if you swan dive from 7 stories on to concrete that the Fire Department has to come by and clean off the street with a firehose (I've seen it happen twice)

[ono]

If you're going to jump, you already know that 5 stories isn't quite high enough

....actually depending on what surface you land on and how you land 5 stories is good enough, I do know from experience that if you swan dive from 7 stories on to concrete that the Fire Department has to come by and clean off the street with a firehose (I've seen it happen twice)

Hahaha

[Gandalf]

You just have to soldier on mate. Women are like that. Nagging is a hobby. In reality you're not the man she wanted to end up with. There's nothing wrong with you, she just had unrealistic expectations. It's like Chris Rock said..."Have you ever just caught your wife looking at you? She's just looking at you, and she's thinking 'How the fuck did i end up with you?" That's everyone's wife, at some point. The sooner we realise that, the better we'll feel.

Look on the bright side, death is no longer to be feared. After spending 30 odd years with the same woman, death will be a sweet release. Hope this helps. If you're going to jump, you already know that 5 stories isn't quite high enough

I find that a weird thing to say. Of course I am the man she wanted to end up with otherwise why would we have got together? I'm a decent chap with a lot of positive traits I will have you know. But yeah, I suppose years of being in each others faces does lead to times where even the smallest things can grate. I don't think my wife thinks 'How the fuck did I end up with you?', but she probably does have unrealistic expectations. I mean why would I want those morning classes? Why wouldn't I want a drink after a hard days work followed by a spell of evening verbal jousting? Why would I quit all my teaching jobs just to go to the UK for 6 months in which time I probably won't be able to earn a decent income myself? In that sense her expectations are unrealistic. I won't be a complete slave to the wage, be a monk, nor up and leave whenever the fancy takes me. For the time being it means making each other a bit miserable, but the nagging thing is bringing me down at the moment and it's pointless. If I argue back then it just escalates and to be honest, I don't really see the point in it. But I refuse to be a little doormouse either. It's annoying.

Like I say the nagging has only really been bad in the last week or so. There has always been a little bit but not like this, so I'm sure it's all about me refusing to up and leave. For two years I studied my MA (all the while still being able to be the main breadwinner mind), but only actually working 3 days a week. My wife sees that as her supporting me whilst she was working full time and so kind of expects me to boost her career right now. But I am just not in a position to do so, and I really don't want to move countries in order to do that. In her head I have probably become the devil because of that. But I think that is unfair. If she was wanting to study or whatever I would be more than willing to support her, but this is way too much. So, yeah, she is trying to make me miserable any way she can. It is childish because I have never agreed to move countries and this thing only came up in the last week with the company wanting her to go by October. I had no choice but to stand firm and tell her it was absurd. And having just finished my MA I am quite liking being able to work more myself. I don't want to spend 6 months doing nothing in the UK at the age of 30. I studied so hard so I could move on with my overseas career, not to go home and do nothing whilst I get ever older.

[Fenster]

"Her room?" You have seperate rooms? She tells you off for spilling food on your shirt?

Fucks sake mate, you deserve the VD smiley.

[armin]

Do you got to go with her? Why doesn't she just go by herself, this will give you 6 sweet months of sweet freedom from her constant nagging, and she will get to advance her career or whatever. Granted by the time she comes back ya'll might realize that living by yourself is way better than being married and thus the whole thing will end in a divorce. Alternatively just tape her mouth shut, or start going "bla bla" anytime she starts nagging see how long it takes her to snap, make a game out of it.

[El Kabong]

If you're going to jump, you already know that 5 stories isn't quite high enough

....actually depending on what surface you land on and how you land 5 stories is good enough, I do know from experience that if you swan dive from 7 stories on to concrete that the Fire Department has to come by and clean off the street with a firehose (I've seen it happen twice)

Hahaha

Dude seriously, if you fall that far and land on concrete your body will for lack of a better term "explode"....if you land on your back your eyes will pop out of your skull like those joke glasses.

Ever see "The Departed"?....firehose dude......firehose

[Saddo]

Sorry to read this mate and for you to type it really tells me how unhappy you really are at the minute.


i know what it is and i have a feeling you do too.

me and the wife never argue and she never nags me EVER, but when we were in Germany she drank more as did i and we got into some really bad arguments.

now i have been back in the UK for 2 years we aint had one.... i can only put this down to the massive daily pressure of living abroad even thou we loved it over there

sounds like she just wants to come home mate... i know thats not what you want to hear but its the truth... what happens if you stick it out over there?? i have no idea mate because i didn't.

hopefully things get better because you and your wife are alot stronger than me

[Kev]

Mate you live in Lilleput, all you got to do is stand up and then just like God you can ignore what's going on down there on the ground.

[El Kabong]

...having just now read your actual problem, I'll post a non-smartass response (I won't even mention the jumpers I've seen....btw you don't want that, it don't pay off for anyone)

During any arguments men and women do things differently and here are a few pointers and hints I have for you:
#1 Man seeks to avoid confrontations and "shuts down"...we don't want to get our full "angry on" in front of our lady, it's ungentlemenly and we'd like to avoid it...in my observations women are both angered and confused by this tactic.

#2 Women are bat shit crazy, during an argument they'll say things like "I don't want to talk about it" while they MEAN "I want you to pay no attention to me saying 'I don't want to talk about it' and demand to address the issue to show your dedication to making this relationship work and show that you are in charge and can solve problems".....and this is why women are a "mystery" to some but just plain old fucking crazy to me. It's not that I don't love and appreciate them, it's just they take logic and kick it to the curb.

#3 As a man this totally sucks, but if you seriously want stuff to get better you've got to put your big boy pants on and calmly and rationally talk this out with her. Be supportive (unless there is a conflict of intrest) be understanding, use "I" statements when talking to her so as not to sound like you're accusing her of anything, for example "When you ____, I feel _____" (or "When you call me lazy, I feel like ____") ...all this sounds totally gay and the keeping calm and being understanding and all will be very difficult, but you'll at least get to the root of the problem....what you do from there is something for you two to handle.