Quote Originally Posted by bilbo View Post
I went back to college a few years ago as a mature student. I tried to do a computer degree but only lasted a few weeks. I came top for all my first assignments but just couldn't sustain any interest.

I was diagnosed with cancer at 24 and after two years of treatment was told I was unlikely to recover and would be put onto palliative care.

I had a bone marrow transplant though and never relapsed. It took me two years to physically recover to the point I was no longer registered disabled but I kind of lost interest in life.

Trying to do the course just put so much stress on me I made myself ill again.

I'm thinking I'd love to give uni another shot and like yourself am interested in anthropology, or psychology. I feel I am too old to start again but I guess nobody is ever too old for anything.

Losing your mum is bound to cause you to lose interest in life. It just makes everything else seem unimportant and life unfair.

You will get over it in time, as sadly that is the nature of life, but don't beat yourself up about not coping well or not being motivated enough.

I can tell you right now, I would have quit the day she died and would have probably gone a completely self destructive cycle so you're doing absolutely amazing to still be hanging in there, you're a better man than me.

I hope you have a strong family around you with whom you can all pull together.

On the positive at least now after a year, these feelings arn't going to get any worse. Healing is a long and painful process but it is taking place slowly.
I know exactly what you mean about becoming disinterested in life etc. Oddly enough, Saddo's is a great, mostly harmless (expect when I spend time on here instead of studying), way to distract myself. I'm glad to hear that your transplant was successful (at least that is the impression I get from your post, I hope that is the case), I've wanted to ask you about the state of your illness, ie. was it in remission etc. but I didn't want to be insensititive/callous/prying for lack of better words. Some of the best, academically and otherwise, and most interesting students I know are significantly older than myself, so I wouldn't worry about age being a factor in regards to your going back to school. Anthropology is a fascinating subject, so long as you can look past the rampant political correctness that permeates the discipline (in my experience anyways, maybe its just where I live). Pre-history is fascinating.
I'm actually quite surprised I didn't decend into self-destruction myself, as I was pretty self-destructive when I was younger and had no real reason to be. However, I think that if I hadn't experienced all that self-destructive stuff and its accompanying problems earlier in life, I would certainly be doing it now. Not that I haven't emptied the odd bottle of whiskey from time to time in the last 9 months, but I can count those episodes on 1 hand, and I haven't done any of the drugs I used to do. Not because I don't sometimes want to, just because I know how hard it was on my mom seeing me like that, and I know how hard she worked to help me change, so it would be horrible, and a great dishonor to her memory, to decend back into that shit because she died.
My family is pretty good for the most part, I see my grandma most often, about once a week, so that helps, though I can't really talk about the situation too much because I know it makes her feel so terrible. My step-dad hasn't talked to me since a couple of days after it happened, so he can go fuck himself as far as I'm concerned. Like I said, my family is helpful, but we don't really talk about it much, its just too damn painful, but they're still very supportive when I am around (which isn't very often with work and school). I think that might be a result of the sudden, unexpected manner in which it occurred, it was just an accident, not a result of sickness or anything like that.
What a long post, thanks again Bilbo.