Should I Drop This Class?

[Kev]

I know exactly what you mean about becoming disinterested in life etc. Oddly enough, Saddo's is a great, mostly harmless (expect when I spend time on here instead of studying), way to distract myself. I'm glad to hear that your transplant was successful (at least that is the impression I get from your post, I hope that is the case), I've wanted to ask you about the state of your illness, ie. was it in remission etc. but I didn't want to be insensititive/callous/prying for lack of better words. Some of the best, academically and otherwise, and most interesting students I know are significantly older than myself, so I wouldn't worry about age being a factor in regards to your going back to school. Anthropology is a fascinating subject, so long as you can look past the rampant political correctness that permeates the discipline (in my experience anyways, maybe its just where I live). Pre-history is fascinating.
I'm actually quite surprised I didn't decend into self-destruction myself, as I was pretty self-destructive when I was younger and had no real reason to be. However, I think that if I hadn't experienced all that self-destructive stuff and its accompanying problems earlier in life, I would certainly be doing it now. Not that I haven't emptied the odd bottle of whiskey from time to time in the last 9 months, but I can count those episodes on 1 hand, and I haven't done any of the drugs I used to do. Not because I don't sometimes want to, just because I know how hard it was on my mom seeing me like that, and I know how hard she worked to help me change, so it would be horrible, and a great dishonor to her memory, to decend back into that shit because she died.
My family is pretty good for the most part, I see my grandma most often, about once a week, so that helps, though I can't really talk about the situation too much because I know it makes her feel so terrible. My step-dad hasn't talked to me since a couple of days after it happened, so he can go fuck himself as far as I'm concerned. Like I said, my family is helpful, but we don't really talk about it much, its just too damn painful, but they're still very supportive when I am around (which isn't very often with work and school). I think that might be a result of the sudden, unexpected manner in which it occurred, it was just an accident, not a result of sickness or anything like that.
What a long post, thanks again Bilbo.

I'm in complete remission now thanks, have been six years. I don't worry about it coming back any more but I have been left with health problems, most notably lung damage which will probably cause me problems later in life. My biggest problem coming to terms with it has been that I feel useless.

Like you I wasted most of my youth and then when I got cancer it just kind of took away any possibilities of sorting myself out. Now I don't work, can't have kids, and am physically sickly and weak, hence my self image has become fucked which makes me struggle to motivate myself. I don't think anyone judges me, but I judge myself and I judge myself to be a complete loser lol.

I also really enjoy coming on here. It's quite cathartic sharing with people you'll likely never meet so have no worry about them accepting or rejecting you. And as most users tend to stick around a long time you can end up getting to know some people really well.

I think I will look at trying to go back to uni, or maybe doing an Open University course over a longer period if I don't feel up to the stress of too much work.

I got straight A's in my A Levels and to not do anything with my life is just a real waste.

It sounds like you've managed to keep a lid on your emotions thus far and remain focused on doing what life requires of you which is admirable.

There's another user on here who lost their dad but longer ago and it amazes me how people cope.

In a funny way though nothing unites us more to each other than shared sufferings and most of the best people I have ever met have tragic stories to tell. A friend of mine's girlfriend lost her mum and dad in a car crash, and just hearing the story makes you instinctively want to just hold her and hug her.

One of my favourite books, by M.Scot Peck, 'The Road Less Travelled' begins simply with the words 'Life is difficult'.

I'll quote what he says got it's my favourite opening in any book.

Life is difficult.

This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more or less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy. They voice their belief, noisily or subtly, that their difficulties represent a unique kind of affliction that should not be and that has somehow been specially visited upon them, or else upon their families, their tribe, their class, their nation, their race or even their species, and not upon others. I know about this moaning because I have done my share.

This book helped me a lot when I read it, he gives powerful meaning to life imo.