Should I Drop This Class?

[Kev]

Yeah, I don't feel like I am over the loss at all, and honestly, though I my grades have stayed the same (A/A- avg.), I am not really interested in school at all right now. Having a full-time course load doesn't make it any better either I'm afraid, I feel like I could do with a bit less pressure. I'm a little older than your average university student though, I was 25 when my mom passed away. Owing to a drug-addled and reckless youth I didn't enter post-secondary studies until I was about 23/24ish (which makes me feel like a bit of a loser, but whatever). Thanks for the kind words Bilbo, I think I'm leaning towards dropping the course, because I'd rather waste a couple hundred bucks than get a shitty grade that dogs the rest of my academic steps. Like I said, I've completed all the anth. pre-requisites (that I need to this point), so the course it just an elective, making it non-essential. Thanks again.

I went back to college a few years ago as a mature student. I tried to do a computer degree but only lasted a few weeks. I came top for all my first assignments but just couldn't sustain any interest.

I was diagnosed with cancer at 24 and after two years of treatment was told I was unlikely to recover and would be put onto palliative care.

I had a bone marrow transplant though and never relapsed. It took me two years to physically recover to the point I was no longer registered disabled but I kind of lost interest in life.

Trying to do the course just put so much stress on me I made myself ill again.

I'm thinking I'd love to give uni another shot and like yourself am interested in anthropology, or psychology. I feel I am too old to start again but I guess nobody is ever too old for anything.

Losing your mum is bound to cause you to lose interest in life. It just makes everything else seem unimportant and life unfair.

You will get over it in time, as sadly that is the nature of life, but don't beat yourself up about not coping well or not being motivated enough.

I can tell you right now, I would have quit the day she died and would have probably gone a completely self destructive cycle so you're doing absolutely amazing to still be hanging in there, you're a better man than me.

I hope you have a strong family around you with whom you can all pull together.

On the positive at least now after a year, these feelings arn't going to get any worse. Healing is a long and painful process but it is taking place slowly.

[boozeboxer]

Tough it out mate. It doesn't matter what a liberal fuck teacher thinks. Just eat her shit up and regurgitate it for her. Those are the easy kind of teachers.
After it is done you will be glad you did it and will have 3 more hours and be that much closer to graduating.

And if you work hard at your 8 hour a day job, you will get promoted to a supervisor 12 hour/day job.

[CFH]

Tough it out mate. It doesn't matter what a liberal fuck teacher thinks. Just eat her shit up and regurgitate it for her. Those are the easy kind of teachers.
After it is done you will be glad you did it and will have 3 more hours and be that much closer to graduating.

And if you work hard at your 8 hour a day job, you will get promoted to a supervisor 12 hour/day job.

I'm not adverse to hard work at all, I work very hard at both work and school, nor am I adverse to keeping myself in situations I do not like because it will pay off in the long run. Its just that I'm starting to think that, in the specific case, its not worth it. The class itself is relatively easy for a 3rd year course, I simply do not want to do it any longer. It's not just the teacher, or even the class itself, its just that combined with all my other classes, and stress etc., it becomes too much. If that makes sense.
Thanks for the comment Booze, I knew that a fellow Winky fan like yourself would have sound advice.

[boozeboxer]

Yeah mate you have to do whatever you think you should to mitigate damage. Here is a quote that I like:



It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

[CFH]

I went back to college a few years ago as a mature student. I tried to do a computer degree but only lasted a few weeks. I came top for all my first assignments but just couldn't sustain any interest.

I was diagnosed with cancer at 24 and after two years of treatment was told I was unlikely to recover and would be put onto palliative care.

I had a bone marrow transplant though and never relapsed. It took me two years to physically recover to the point I was no longer registered disabled but I kind of lost interest in life.

Trying to do the course just put so much stress on me I made myself ill again.

I'm thinking I'd love to give uni another shot and like yourself am interested in anthropology, or psychology. I feel I am too old to start again but I guess nobody is ever too old for anything.

Losing your mum is bound to cause you to lose interest in life. It just makes everything else seem unimportant and life unfair.

You will get over it in time, as sadly that is the nature of life, but don't beat yourself up about not coping well or not being motivated enough.

I can tell you right now, I would have quit the day she died and would have probably gone a completely self destructive cycle so you're doing absolutely amazing to still be hanging in there, you're a better man than me.

I hope you have a strong family around you with whom you can all pull together.

On the positive at least now after a year, these feelings arn't going to get any worse. Healing is a long and painful process but it is taking place slowly.

I know exactly what you mean about becoming disinterested in life etc. Oddly enough, Saddo's is a great, mostly harmless (expect when I spend time on here instead of studying), way to distract myself. I'm glad to hear that your transplant was successful (at least that is the impression I get from your post, I hope that is the case), I've wanted to ask you about the state of your illness, ie. was it in remission etc. but I didn't want to be insensititive/callous/prying for lack of better words. Some of the best, academically and otherwise, and most interesting students I know are significantly older than myself, so I wouldn't worry about age being a factor in regards to your going back to school. Anthropology is a fascinating subject, so long as you can look past the rampant political correctness that permeates the discipline (in my experience anyways, maybe its just where I live). Pre-history is fascinating.
I'm actually quite surprised I didn't decend into self-destruction myself, as I was pretty self-destructive when I was younger and had no real reason to be. However, I think that if I hadn't experienced all that self-destructive stuff and its accompanying problems earlier in life, I would certainly be doing it now. Not that I haven't emptied the odd bottle of whiskey from time to time in the last 9 months, but I can count those episodes on 1 hand, and I haven't done any of the drugs I used to do. Not because I don't sometimes want to, just because I know how hard it was on my mom seeing me like that, and I know how hard she worked to help me change, so it would be horrible, and a great dishonor to her memory, to decend back into that shit because she died.
My family is pretty good for the most part, I see my grandma most often, about once a week, so that helps, though I can't really talk about the situation too much because I know it makes her feel so terrible. My step-dad hasn't talked to me since a couple of days after it happened, so he can go fuck himself as far as I'm concerned. Like I said, my family is helpful, but we don't really talk about it much, its just too damn painful, but they're still very supportive when I am around (which isn't very often with work and school). I think that might be a result of the sudden, unexpected manner in which it occurred, it was just an accident, not a result of sickness or anything like that.
What a long post, thanks again Bilbo.

[Kev]

I know exactly what you mean about becoming disinterested in life etc. Oddly enough, Saddo's is a great, mostly harmless (expect when I spend time on here instead of studying), way to distract myself. I'm glad to hear that your transplant was successful (at least that is the impression I get from your post, I hope that is the case), I've wanted to ask you about the state of your illness, ie. was it in remission etc. but I didn't want to be insensititive/callous/prying for lack of better words. Some of the best, academically and otherwise, and most interesting students I know are significantly older than myself, so I wouldn't worry about age being a factor in regards to your going back to school. Anthropology is a fascinating subject, so long as you can look past the rampant political correctness that permeates the discipline (in my experience anyways, maybe its just where I live). Pre-history is fascinating.
I'm actually quite surprised I didn't decend into self-destruction myself, as I was pretty self-destructive when I was younger and had no real reason to be. However, I think that if I hadn't experienced all that self-destructive stuff and its accompanying problems earlier in life, I would certainly be doing it now. Not that I haven't emptied the odd bottle of whiskey from time to time in the last 9 months, but I can count those episodes on 1 hand, and I haven't done any of the drugs I used to do. Not because I don't sometimes want to, just because I know how hard it was on my mom seeing me like that, and I know how hard she worked to help me change, so it would be horrible, and a great dishonor to her memory, to decend back into that shit because she died.
My family is pretty good for the most part, I see my grandma most often, about once a week, so that helps, though I can't really talk about the situation too much because I know it makes her feel so terrible. My step-dad hasn't talked to me since a couple of days after it happened, so he can go fuck himself as far as I'm concerned. Like I said, my family is helpful, but we don't really talk about it much, its just too damn painful, but they're still very supportive when I am around (which isn't very often with work and school). I think that might be a result of the sudden, unexpected manner in which it occurred, it was just an accident, not a result of sickness or anything like that.
What a long post, thanks again Bilbo.

I'm in complete remission now thanks, have been six years. I don't worry about it coming back any more but I have been left with health problems, most notably lung damage which will probably cause me problems later in life. My biggest problem coming to terms with it has been that I feel useless.

Like you I wasted most of my youth and then when I got cancer it just kind of took away any possibilities of sorting myself out. Now I don't work, can't have kids, and am physically sickly and weak, hence my self image has become fucked which makes me struggle to motivate myself. I don't think anyone judges me, but I judge myself and I judge myself to be a complete loser lol.

I also really enjoy coming on here. It's quite cathartic sharing with people you'll likely never meet so have no worry about them accepting or rejecting you. And as most users tend to stick around a long time you can end up getting to know some people really well.

I think I will look at trying to go back to uni, or maybe doing an Open University course over a longer period if I don't feel up to the stress of too much work.

I got straight A's in my A Levels and to not do anything with my life is just a real waste.

It sounds like you've managed to keep a lid on your emotions thus far and remain focused on doing what life requires of you which is admirable.

There's another user on here who lost their dad but longer ago and it amazes me how people cope.

In a funny way though nothing unites us more to each other than shared sufferings and most of the best people I have ever met have tragic stories to tell. A friend of mine's girlfriend lost her mum and dad in a car crash, and just hearing the story makes you instinctively want to just hold her and hug her.

One of my favourite books, by M.Scot Peck, 'The Road Less Travelled' begins simply with the words 'Life is difficult'.

I'll quote what he says got it's my favourite opening in any book.

Life is difficult.

This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more or less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy. They voice their belief, noisily or subtly, that their difficulties represent a unique kind of affliction that should not be and that has somehow been specially visited upon them, or else upon their families, their tribe, their class, their nation, their race or even their species, and not upon others. I know about this moaning because I have done my share.

This book helped me a lot when I read it, he gives powerful meaning to life imo.

[CFH]

I'm in complete remission now thanks, have been six years. I don't worry about it coming back any more but I have been left with health problems, most notably lung damage which will probably cause me problems later in life. My biggest problem coming to terms with it has been that I feel useless.

Like you I wasted most of my youth and then when I got cancer it just kind of took away any possibilities of sorting myself out. Now I don't work, can't have kids, and am physically sickly and weak, hence my self image has become fucked which makes me struggle to motivate myself. I don't think anyone judges me, but I judge myself and I judge myself to be a complete loser lol.

I also really enjoy coming on here. It's quite cathartic sharing with people you'll likely never meet so have no worry about them accepting or rejecting you. And as most users tend to stick around a long time you can end up getting to know some people really well.

I think I will look at trying to go back to uni, or maybe doing an Open University course over a longer period if I don't feel up to the stress of too much work.

I got straight A's in my A Levels and to not do anything with my life is just a real waste.

It sounds like you've managed to keep a lid on your emotions thus far and remain focused on doing what life requires of you which is admirable.

There's another user on here who lost their dad but longer ago and it amazes me how people cope.

In a funny way though nothing unites us more to each other than shared sufferings and most of the best people I have ever met have tragic stories to tell. A friend of mine's girlfriend lost her mum and dad in a car crash, and just hearing the story makes you instinctively want to just hold her and hug her.

One of my favourite books, by M.Scot Peck, 'The Road Less Travelled' begins simply with the words 'Life is difficult'.

I'll quote what he says got it's my favourite opening in any book.

Life is difficult.

This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more or less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy. They voice their belief, noisily or subtly, that their difficulties represent a unique kind of affliction that should not be and that has somehow been specially visited upon them, or else upon their families, their tribe, their class, their nation, their race or even their species, and not upon others. I know about this moaning because I have done my share.

This book helped me a lot when I read it, he gives powerful meaning to life imo.

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes it's a lot easier to come to a place like this where there isn't really any judgement to talk about serious matters. I mean, even I don't mind being rejected by a bunch of people on the internet.
Back to school, I don't know if its the same in the UK, but here you can take some of your courses online, and they are worth exactly the same as regular ones. Way easier too, as long as you can be self-disciplined.

[Sharla]

Life is difficult.

This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more or less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy. They voice their belief, noisily or subtly, that their difficulties represent a unique kind of affliction that should not be and that has somehow been specially visited upon them, or else upon their families, their tribe, their class, their nation, their race or even their species, and not upon others. I know about this moaning because I have done my share.

This book helped me a lot when I read it, he gives powerful meaning to life imo.

Great quote Bilbo! yeah online courses or writing would suit you very well I think. A lot of online courses are targeted at people who already work full time who want to get another qualification part time. So they don't demand a big workload. You could start taking one or two units as a hobby and then decide whether or not you want to complete the whole thing?

Lung damage must suck. I wouldn't give up on your physical fitness too easily though. You do exercise and you're relatively young. A lot a people do nothing and are suprised when they find out they're not fit and they blame it on getting old etc. You might be suprised by how much fitter you can be with just a little regular exercise within 5 years.

I know a few older people who took up exercise as pensioners who are much fitter than their peers now. Most of us know reformed smokers and overweight people who gradually turned their habits around and started exercise and became fit.

Even if you start behind others when you consider that most people do nothing regularly doing something 3 times a week might bring you up to their level more easily than you realise.

Real loosers are loosers because they don't care or can't be bothered and they usually don't know they're loosers. If you care and you make a little effort - even if you don't succeed all the time (because no one does) you're not a looser!

[Kev]

Great quote Bilbo! yeah noline courses or writing would suit you very well I think. A lot of online courses are targeted at people who already work full time who want to get another qualification part time. So they don't demand a big workload. You could start taking one or two units as a hobby and then decide whether or not you want to complete the whole thing?

Lung damage must suck. I wouldn't give up on your physical fitness too easily though. You do exercise and you're relatively young. A lot a people do nothing and are suprised when they find out they're not fit and they blame it on getting old etc. You might be suprised by how much fitter you can be with just a little regular exercise within 5 years.

I know a few older people who took up exercise as pensioners who are much fitter now than their peers now. Most of us know reformed smokers and overweight people who gradually turned their habits around and started exercise and became fit.

Even if you start behind others when you consider that most people do nothing regularly doing something 3 times a week might bring you up to their level more easily than you realise.

Real loosers are loosers because they don't care or can't be bothered and they usually don't know they're loosers. If you care and you make a little effort - even if you don't succeed all the time (because no one does) you're not a looser!

Yay Sharla says I'm not a complete loser I feel better now

Haha just kidding. Actually I feel pretty positive again now. I've been ill with flu for the past three weeks and was starting to get down about it. All my six months of training seemed to be going to waste but I'm picking myself up again now.

Have you ever 'The Road Less Travelled'? That's the book I quoted.

It's sooooo good, I ended up having to buy 5 copies because my friends kept stealing my copy and never bringing them back. It was written in the late 70's but it's an amazing book, I've read all of Peck's books.

Later in life he went a bit OTT and started calling God a 'She' which turned me off but his early work is incredibly powerful.

I should definitely study psychology. I got an A for A level and virtually everyone I ever meet tells me I should be a counseller or psychologist just after talking to me for an hour or so.

The trouble is I'm intelligent and have a nice manner with people I guess, but I'm not stable. I can't commit to anything and generally just subconsciously fuck my life up at every possibility.

I need to force myself out of my comfort zones. All my mates are getting married, kids, good jobs and their own houses and I'm renting from a mate, single and jobless.

My mate came around tonight with his fiancee uninvited to drop their wedding invite around and I was sitting in my boxers in front of my laptop eating a curry with a pile of dirty washing on the floor which I had started sorting through a couple hours before but got distracted.

It's moments like that that I realise I need to buck up!

[Sharla]

I've never read the book but since it has such rave reviews maybe I should look into it. I'm not insulted by him calling God a she .

Seriously if having a pile of dirty washing on the floor, getting distracted easily and feeling unfit after being sick for a few weeks is you're evidence for being a looser I'm not convinced!

I often have put a load of washing on and then have to re-wash it because I leave it in the machine too long and it starts to smell!

We all feel unfit when we've had a few weeks off for whatever reason but trust me you'll feel your fitness return within a few weeks. You won't be starting again - your body is not as unfit as it feels after a break - it just likes to winge . Happens to me too when I can't train properly for a little while.

[brucelee]

I'm in complete remission now thanks, have been six years. I don't worry about it coming back any more but I have been left with health problems, most notably lung damage which will probably cause me problems later in life. My biggest problem coming to terms with it has been that I feel useless.

Like you I wasted most of my youth and then when I got cancer it just kind of took away any possibilities of sorting myself out. Now I don't work, can't have kids, and am physically sickly and weak, hence my self image has become fucked which makes me struggle to motivate myself. I don't think anyone judges me, but I judge myself and I judge myself to be a complete loser lol.

I also really enjoy coming on here. It's quite cathartic sharing with people you'll likely never meet so have no worry about them accepting or rejecting you. And as most users tend to stick around a long time you can end up getting to know some people really well.

I think I will look at trying to go back to uni, or maybe doing an Open University course over a longer period if I don't feel up to the stress of too much work.

I got straight A's in my A Levels and to not do anything with my life is just a real waste.

It sounds like you've managed to keep a lid on your emotions thus far and remain focused on doing what life requires of you which is admirable.

There's another user on here who lost their dad but longer ago and it amazes me how people cope.

In a funny way though nothing unites us more to each other than shared sufferings and most of the best people I have ever met have tragic stories to tell. A friend of mine's girlfriend lost her mum and dad in a car crash, and just hearing the story makes you instinctively want to just hold her and hug her.

One of my favourite books, by M.Scot Peck, 'The Road Less Travelled' begins simply with the words 'Life is difficult'.

I'll quote what he says got it's my favourite opening in any book.

Life is difficult.

This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more or less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy. They voice their belief, noisily or subtly, that their difficulties represent a unique kind of affliction that should not be and that has somehow been specially visited upon them, or else upon their families, their tribe, their class, their nation, their race or even their species, and not upon others. I know about this moaning because I have done my share.

This book helped me a lot when I read it, he gives powerful meaning to life imo.

Thanks for sharing your life to us Bilbo. Thank you for that wonderful quote.You just don't know how I've appreciated what I have despite its bleakness because of that quote you have just shared.

What about starting a thread of things we should thank for today? I guess I'll have to start it. See you there guys!!!

[Mikkel_K]

[Sorry for interrupting/going off-topic]

I'm thinking I'd love to give uni another shot and like yourself am interested in anthropology, or psychology. I feel I am too old to start again but I guess nobody is ever too old for anything.

Have you ever considered doing journalism or something of the like?

I know you say that you are unable to work - and obviously I fully believe you - but you always comes across as a smart, witty writer, and (if I had the chance) I would never ever hesitate to hire you as a part time, work-at-home writer. Now obviously this may not be that easy to find such a job, but I honestly believe you are very talented in these regards.

At least you have great practice in writing weird, off-beat and off-topic stories...

[donnydarkoIRL]

This thread reminds me of Hulk's Trenabol debate in that I think no matter what advice you are given, only you can truely decide and in reality our advice means very little.

What I will advise is for you to take your time in making the decision. Perhaps discussing it with an impartial friend may help.

You've already displayed good judgement by delaying your decision and not rashly dropping out of the class.
If you want a case study here you go:
I hate where my college is located. I hate the people oiin my course. I hate the lifestyle around my campus. I hate the City where the college is located and I hate being away from my girlfriend, my family, my friends my trainers and my home.
But the suffering is worth the reward. This time next year I will have one of the finest degrees Europe has to offer, and I can rise above all the muck that weighed me down when I was in college.

However were it another course, then I'd dump it like a shot, as I said only you can decide.

Good luck mate.

[leftylee]

I'm doing A-Level Psychology Bilbo, I'm currently revising stress and sources of stress etc, it's pretty interesting as it's a very in depth look towards it but there is a lot of notes to learn for the exam in June.

Mikkel_K Journalism has been mentioned to me as I got an A in English Literature at GCSE and currently take A-Level English and Media Studies so I could get onto a course pretty easy but it ain't something I'm interested in pursuing as a career. Once I finish my A-Levels I'm taking a GAP year (Summer 09) and then when I'm 19 I will decide whether to take flying lessons or join the police like my Dad (K9 Unit I would apply for once I've finished my probation years in the Police).

[leftylee]

I'm actually in Media Class now haha but the class is boring me so I'm on here.