How do you deal with constant nagging?

[Andre]

Well that's an easy enough fix...go to the fridge to get a beer, stand there, pay attention (at least try to), and instead of saying "What?" You can ask different questions "How does that make you feel?", "How can I help?", and then just end things by offering some random kind supportive words...feining sincerity is pretty simple and ladies are suckers for it.

never EVER say "How does that make you feel?", "How can I help?"

if you have no idea what the fuck she said... just come clean an say sorry i missed what you said.

because the chances are she asked you something...

wife: what do you want for dinner.
husband: How does that make you feel?

wife: can you tell the kids to go to bed.
husband: how can i help?



just come clean... i'm always missing what the wife says and i always know when its my time to talk and i think fuck... so i just say sorry i was doing somthing on the computer i missed what you said.

women know men can't multi task so they will be cool

just don't ignore them too much because your leaving the door open for a new guy to listen to them.

just my

Didnt you mean to write:

" You will be leaving the door open for some other guy to buy into her bullshit".

[Gandalf]

Yes, Missy.

I have been pretty upfront about everything. She knows that teaching is what I like and do and she knows that I have become as qualified as I have to ensure I am the best at what I do and maintain my competitiveness. I want to work hard, but I am not going to take the first job that comes along every time. This recent job was forced on me somewhat and turned out to be poorly organised. I simply wasn't going to stick with it, whence saying 'thanks, but no thanks'. I got home from work at 10pm on monday which I hadn't agreed to and the following day had my entire evenings classes cancelled last minute. I won't work those hours and I won't work with that level of disorganisation. I don't see why I am in the wrong for that.

About 3 years ago I was working a horrendous schedule teaching about 40 classes a week between 10am and 10pm Monday to Friday. I couldn't eat properly and resorted to taking sleeping pills just to put me to sleep. I was earning rather good money doing that, but I burned myself out horribly. That was when I decided to study my MA and work a lighter schedule. I made a promise to myself that I would never take on such a schedule again. If I was to carry on with this job, it would have seen on the path to the bad old days. Okay, a lot of money to throw around, but really no quality of life for me. I am not going to kill myself for money. It's not like we don't have savings and it's not as though there is any urgency where I need to jump at the first offer that comes up. However, my wife resents me and will call me lazy and say that I am holding her back. My wife has never taught a class in her life and sits in a chair everyday. She has no idea how demanding a well taught, effective class can be. And then she wants them all piled on just like that?

Nah, she can just bugger off. I've had enough of all the bullshit to be honest.

[Andre]

so, the mrs wants to go to the UK and you want to stay and neither of you sound willing to compromise....so what options do you think you have?

I am not leaving. In fact just last week the wife herself put her own signature on a new 2 year lease for this place. And yet the theatrics have commenced once again.

From recent discussion/arguments it also seems that because I have my MA and all my teaching experience she isn't happy that the world hasn't just fallen upon my shoulders in a few weeks since coming back from a holiday. Apparently, I should be rolling in money in order to compensate for her not earning the UK's average wage with free housing.

What options do I have? I don't know. All I know is that life is not so good right now. Tbh, I don't really get it. The more this goes on, I don't really care. I stayed in this country to be with her and have been here for years and suddenly because she gets a chance to do something else I am expected to jump and leave all that I have built behind? It was me that spent my prime years here for her. She seems to forget all that. I could have jumped ship after my 2nd year here. I am 30. What am I supposed to do there now? I have contacts here and a relatively decent standard of living. Going home does nothing for me.

It's fucked up and I am not quite sure what to do. All I want to do is keep on going to work and teaching the kids that I teach. Tbh it's the only real happiness I have. Kids are fun and during the times that I teach I can forget that this nonsense is going on.

Mate you may have found the cause of her inner anguish there.

[Gandalf]

so, the mrs wants to go to the UK and you want to stay and neither of you sound willing to compromise....so what options do you think you have?

I am not leaving. In fact just last week the wife herself put her own signature on a new 2 year lease for this place. And yet the theatrics have commenced once again.

From recent discussion/arguments it also seems that because I have my MA and all my teaching experience she isn't happy that the world hasn't just fallen upon my shoulders in a few weeks since coming back from a holiday. Apparently, I should be rolling in money in order to compensate for her not earning the UK's average wage with free housing.

What options do I have? I don't know. All I know is that life is not so good right now. Tbh, I don't really get it. The more this goes on, I don't really care. I stayed in this country to be with her and have been here for years and suddenly because she gets a chance to do something else I am expected to jump and leave all that I have built behind? It was me that spent my prime years here for her. She seems to forget all that. I could have jumped ship after my 2nd year here. I am 30. What am I supposed to do there now? I have contacts here and a relatively decent standard of living. Going home does nothing for me.

It's fucked up and I am not quite sure what to do. All I want to do is keep on going to work and teaching the kids that I teach. Tbh it's the only real happiness I have. Kids are fun and during the times that I teach I can forget that this nonsense is going on.

Mate you may have found the cause of her inner anguish there.

The thing is I was opposed to it as well! We live in a reasonably sized city, but staying here for two years means I am unable to apply for some of the better university jobs that become available. I wanted a one year contract, but she was adamant that it should be two as the rent would stay the same for 2 years. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

[Andre]

so, the mrs wants to go to the UK and you want to stay and neither of you sound willing to compromise....so what options do you think you have?

I am not leaving. In fact just last week the wife herself put her own signature on a new 2 year lease for this place. And yet the theatrics have commenced once again.

From recent discussion/arguments it also seems that because I have my MA and all my teaching experience she isn't happy that the world hasn't just fallen upon my shoulders in a few weeks since coming back from a holiday. Apparently, I should be rolling in money in order to compensate for her not earning the UK's average wage with free housing.

What options do I have? I don't know. All I know is that life is not so good right now. Tbh, I don't really get it. The more this goes on, I don't really care. I stayed in this country to be with her and have been here for years and suddenly because she gets a chance to do something else I am expected to jump and leave all that I have built behind? It was me that spent my prime years here for her. She seems to forget all that. I could have jumped ship after my 2nd year here. I am 30. What am I supposed to do there now? I have contacts here and a relatively decent standard of living. Going home does nothing for me.

It's fucked up and I am not quite sure what to do. All I want to do is keep on going to work and teaching the kids that I teach. Tbh it's the only real happiness I have. Kids are fun and during the times that I teach I can forget that this nonsense is going on.

Mate you may have found the cause of her inner anguish there.

The thing is I was opposed to it as well! We live in a reasonably sized city, but staying here for two years means I am unable to apply for some of the better university jobs that become available. I wanted a one year contract, but she was adamant that it should be two as the rent would stay the same for 2 years. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

If she cant afford the rent for two years on the place on her own wage and you are leaving your job ,she is going to feel some anguish over that you would think.
tell her" its ok baby Id never leave you in the lurch over money",then have great make up sex.

[Gandalf]

The rent is dirt cheap so no worries about any of that. And even now I am earning quite a bit more than her doing multiple freelance jobs. This job I quit was just another one of them filling up a few slots in my schedule. There should be no anguish about money whatsover.

I don't know what the problem is to be honest. I said to her "what exactly have I done wrong?". And all I get is "I don't want to talk about it. I am just miserable". That makes two, I guess.

What a load of random nonsense! Like I say it was her that said maybe I should rethink this new job after coming home shattered on monday. And I did just that!

[Howlin Mad Missy]

Have you asked her what's making her miserable?

[Saddo]

(my fees will be £50 an hour but since I'm training this is for free )

does that include... nah too predictable

" You will be leaving the door open for some other guy to buy into her bullshit".

nah she is pretty smart and comes up with some great stuff to make life very interesting

Have you asked her what's making her miserable?

come on Missy you know it aint that easy.

Yes, Missy.

I have been pretty upfront about everything. She knows that teaching is what I like and do and she knows that I have become as qualified as I have to ensure I am the best at what I do and maintain my competitiveness. I want to work hard, but I am not going to take the first job that comes along every time. This recent job was forced on me somewhat and turned out to be poorly organised. I simply wasn't going to stick with it, whence saying 'thanks, but no thanks'. I got home from work at 10pm on monday which I hadn't agreed to and the following day had my entire evenings classes cancelled last minute. I won't work those hours and I won't work with that level of disorganisation. I don't see why I am in the wrong for that.

About 3 years ago I was working a horrendous schedule teaching about 40 classes a week between 10am and 10pm Monday to Friday. I couldn't eat properly and resorted to taking sleeping pills just to put me to sleep. I was earning rather good money doing that, but I burned myself out horribly. That was when I decided to study my MA and work a lighter schedule. I made a promise to myself that I would never take on such a schedule again. If I was to carry on with this job, it would have seen on the path to the bad old days. Okay, a lot of money to throw around, but really no quality of life for me. I am not going to kill myself for money. It's not like we don't have savings and it's not as though there is any urgency where I need to jump at the first offer that comes up. However, my wife resents me and will call me lazy and say that I am holding her back. My wife has never taught a class in her life and sits in a chair everyday. She has no idea how demanding a well taught, effective class can be. And then she wants them all piled on just like that?

Nah, she can just bugger off. I've had enough of all the bullshit to be honest.

that sounds pretty bad mate hope you can sort things out.

[KKisser]

if only she's a member of a forum like you miles then you can read what her issues really are.

communication is one of the more important elements of a relationship and in your case it seems to have bogged down.

[Howlin Mad Missy]

if only she's a member of a forum like you miles then you can read what her issues really are.

communication is one of the more important elements of a relationship and in your case it seems to have bogged down.

Exactly.

[Howlin Mad Missy]

(my fees will be £50 an hour but since I'm training this is for free )

does that include... nah too predictable

" You will be leaving the door open for some other guy to buy into her bullshit".

nah she is pretty smart and comes up with some great stuff to make life very interesting

Have you asked her what's making her miserable?

come on Missy you know it aint that easy.

Yes, Missy.

I have been pretty upfront about everything. She knows that teaching is what I like and do and she knows that I have become as qualified as I have to ensure I am the best at what I do and maintain my competitiveness. I want to work hard, but I am not going to take the first job that comes along every time. This recent job was forced on me somewhat and turned out to be poorly organised. I simply wasn't going to stick with it, whence saying 'thanks, but no thanks'. I got home from work at 10pm on monday which I hadn't agreed to and the following day had my entire evenings classes cancelled last minute. I won't work those hours and I won't work with that level of disorganisation. I don't see why I am in the wrong for that.

About 3 years ago I was working a horrendous schedule teaching about 40 classes a week between 10am and 10pm Monday to Friday. I couldn't eat properly and resorted to taking sleeping pills just to put me to sleep. I was earning rather good money doing that, but I burned myself out horribly. That was when I decided to study my MA and work a lighter schedule. I made a promise to myself that I would never take on such a schedule again. If I was to carry on with this job, it would have seen on the path to the bad old days. Okay, a lot of money to throw around, but really no quality of life for me. I am not going to kill myself for money. It's not like we don't have savings and it's not as though there is any urgency where I need to jump at the first offer that comes up. However, my wife resents me and will call me lazy and say that I am holding her back. My wife has never taught a class in her life and sits in a chair everyday. She has no idea how demanding a well taught, effective class can be. And then she wants them all piled on just like that?

Nah, she can just bugger off. I've had enough of all the bullshit to be honest.

that sounds pretty bad mate hope you can sort things out.

That's why a coach like myself can assit!

People often find it difficult to communicate effectively because they don't know what they want, they don't know how to express it plus pesky things like their emotions, other peoples expectations get in the way.

p.s for you Saddo the cost goes up because you're a small business.

[Gandalf]

if only she's a member of a forum like you miles then you can read what her issues really are.

communication is one of the more important elements of a relationship and in your case it seems to have bogged down.

I agree. I've tried talking but it gets nowhere and quickly degenerates. Maybe she needs her space. After a fight I am always able to get my mood back together within minutes. She on the other hand will sulk and barely speak for a number of days.

I've had enough of trying though and will just continue to live life. If she has all these issues then she needs to deal with them. She knew who I was when she married me and if that's not good enough then that's her call. I'm not the one trying to make random changes or up and leave anywhere. She can bugger off to England for all I care right now. I would quite like the space and peace. I don't think I even like her at this point in time. I'm just sick of it.

I'm going to stop talking about it as I think I've said all I need to say. This thread has been good for a bit of venting, but it's time to be more constructive. I might start a thread highlighting all the reasons why I hate Amir Khan or something. Something useful.

[generalbulldog]

if only she's a member of a forum like you miles then you can read what her issues really are.

communication is one of the more important elements of a relationship and in your case it seems to have bogged down.

I agree. I've tried talking but it gets nowhere and quickly degenerates. Maybe she needs her space. After a fight I am always able to get my mood back together within minutes. She on the other hand will sulk and barely speak for a number of days.

I've had enough of trying though and will just continue to live life. If she has all these issues then she needs to deal with them. She knew who I was when she married me and if that's not good enough then that's her call. I'm not the one trying to make random changes or up and leave anywhere. She can bugger off to England for all I care right now. I would quite like the space and peace. I don't think I even like her at this point in time. I'm just sick of it.

I'm going to stop talking about it as I think I've said all I need to say. This thread has been good for a bit of venting, but it's time to be more constructive. I might start a thread highlighting all the reasons why I hate Amir Khan or something. Something useful.

My views on women and relationships has always been that of a man and his car. After taking that car out of the showroom and owning it for a few years, you will notice that the car starts having problems, it may be because of the mileage, the overuse of the engine, the paint starts fading, a lot of headaches trying to fix the problems, and you may notice that other cars/models looks much better and you want to upgrade to something else.

In other words, let her work in England and maybe she finds another English guy more to her liking in terms of wealth, status, and financial security for herself. While you on the other hand starts eyeing that cute 22 year old Korean chick that has graduated from university and is starting her career and is open to dating a more mature man that is in his early 30s and might be more compatible to you in terms of personality, plus hey it's new punani.

It's a win-win for all I say. So trade in that used car for a newer model. Hey just some VDesque advice.

[Gandalf]

The thing is that I am still pretty much the same car. I am in good nick. Even this monday a student asked me how old I was and was surprised when I said 30. He said I look 23. I am svelte, tall and from a certain angle am quite dashing. Before being married I was always the most successful with the girls because they fell for my big eyes and high nose. All my wifes coworkers comment on my beauty and how I look younger than her. Even though I am a couple of years older. So I resent the notion that I am a used car. I am ever more successful and have over the years accumulated a fair amount of wealth myself. I am just not willing to kill myself to do that now that I have don't have to. I'll work hard, but there are limits because I am a limited resource and I don't want to burn out. And I am not willing to leave here and lose the current money that I am still managing to take in.

Any faults that I have were probably worse when we first met. When I was younger I was far more eager to go out drinking, now I only do that once a week and maybe have a few midweek. I am mature about most things, I studied to maintain competitiveness, I have learned a bit of the language. In many ways I am really quite improved and less naive culturally. Our earlier fights used to be quite feisty, but these days I am quite passive. I once punched my hand through an acoustic guitar. I would never dream of harming my guitar these days. I'm the one that has matured, but she still carries on in the same pedantic, trite and unreasonable ways. She hasn't hit me in these recent fights, but at times she has even rained punches down upon me. Quite feeble punches mind you and I just cover up and pretend I am an old Jones Jr sitting on the ropes. Maybe this is a sign of her developing emotionally or else realising her punching technique hurts her hands more than me (like I say, I am all bones and elbows! ).

The idea of trading her in for a 22 year old might sound good physically, but I dread the interaction between the grown up me and another immature, potential lunatic.

[Gandalf]

Anyway, enough with this discussion. That last post was just outright gay.

There were quiet signs that she was trying to call a truce yesterday. I ordered some barbecued chicken for dinner yesterday and she used her card to pay for it and she only scowled at me a few times.

I still don't know why quitting a part time job is so bad, particularly when she was the one that suggested it and she fails completely to answer that question.

When logic fails so badly, then you have to presume there is none. I could understand it if we were struggling and trying to make ends meet, but there is nothing like that.

This little extra free time is actually a good thing because I was hoping to get a couple of papers published before the year is out. I now have the time to polish them up and try and get them submitted. Working a full schedule you simply DON'T have the time to research and write. I prefer to look at the positives and just take another P/T job when it looks right rather than jump into anything.