How do you deal with constant nagging?

[El Kabong]

Well that's an easy enough fix...go to the fridge to get a beer, stand there, pay attention (at least try to), and instead of saying "What?" You can ask different questions "How does that make you feel?", "How can I help?", and then just end things by offering some random kind supportive words...feining sincerity is pretty simple and ladies are suckers for it.

never EVER say "How does that make you feel?", "How can I help?"

if you have no idea what the fuck she said... just come clean an say sorry i missed what you said.

because the chances are she asked you something...

wife: what do you want for dinner.
husband: How does that make you feel?

wife: can you tell the kids to go to bed.
husband: how can i help?



just come clean... i'm always missing what the wife says and i always know when its my time to talk and i think fuck... so i just say sorry i was doing somthing on the computer i missed what you said.

women know men can't multi task so they will be cool

just don't ignore them too much because your leaving the door open for a new guy to listen to them.

just my

If you read my post I plainly state that one should get up and go to where the lady is...at least it shows some kind of effort on your part, and with DVRs you can just pause the tv.

[Howlin Mad Missy]

so, the mrs wants to go to the UK and you want to stay and neither of you sound willing to compromise....so what options do you think you have?

[Gandalf]

so, the mrs wants to go to the UK and you want to stay and neither of you sound willing to compromise....so what options do you think you have?

I am not leaving. In fact just last week the wife herself put her own signature on a new 2 year lease for this place. And yet the theatrics have commenced once again.

From recent discussion/arguments it also seems that because I have my MA and all my teaching experience she isn't happy that the world hasn't just fallen upon my shoulders in a few weeks since coming back from a holiday. Apparently, I should be rolling in money in order to compensate for her not earning the UK's average wage with free housing.

What options do I have? I don't know. All I know is that life is not so good right now. Tbh, I don't really get it. The more this goes on, I don't really care. I stayed in this country to be with her and have been here for years and suddenly because she gets a chance to do something else I am expected to jump and leave all that I have built behind? It was me that spent my prime years here for her. She seems to forget all that. I could have jumped ship after my 2nd year here. I am 30. What am I supposed to do there now? I have contacts here and a relatively decent standard of living. Going home does nothing for me.

It's fucked up and I am not quite sure what to do. All I want to do is keep on going to work and teaching the kids that I teach. Tbh it's the only real happiness I have. Kids are fun and during the times that I teach I can forget that this nonsense is going on.

[Howlin Mad Missy]

Have you explained it to her exactly as you've stated it here?

(my fees will be £50 an hour but since I'm training this is for free )

[Andre]

so, the mrs wants to go to the UK and you want to stay and neither of you sound willing to compromise....so what options do you think you have?

I am not leaving. In fact just last week the wife herself put her own signature on a new 2 year lease for this place. And yet the theatrics have commenced once again.

From recent discussion/arguments it also seems that because I have my MA and all my teaching experience she isn't happy that the world hasn't just fallen upon my shoulders in a few weeks since coming back from a holiday. Apparently, I should be rolling in money in order to compensate for her not earning the UK's average wage with free housing.

What options do I have? I don't know. All I know is that life is not so good right now. Tbh, I don't really get it. The more this goes on, I don't really care. I stayed in this country to be with her and have been here for years and suddenly because she gets a chance to do something else I am expected to jump and leave all that I have built behind? It was me that spent my prime years here for her. She seems to forget all that. I could have jumped ship after my 2nd year here. I am 30. What am I supposed to do there now? I have contacts here and a relatively decent standard of living. Going home does nothing for me.

It's fucked up and I am not quite sure what to do. All I want to do is keep on going to work and teaching the kids that I teach. Tbh it's the only real happiness I have. Kids are fun and during the times that I teach I can forget that this nonsense is going on.

Mate you may have found the cause of her inner anguish there.

[Gandalf]

so, the mrs wants to go to the UK and you want to stay and neither of you sound willing to compromise....so what options do you think you have?

I am not leaving. In fact just last week the wife herself put her own signature on a new 2 year lease for this place. And yet the theatrics have commenced once again.

From recent discussion/arguments it also seems that because I have my MA and all my teaching experience she isn't happy that the world hasn't just fallen upon my shoulders in a few weeks since coming back from a holiday. Apparently, I should be rolling in money in order to compensate for her not earning the UK's average wage with free housing.

What options do I have? I don't know. All I know is that life is not so good right now. Tbh, I don't really get it. The more this goes on, I don't really care. I stayed in this country to be with her and have been here for years and suddenly because she gets a chance to do something else I am expected to jump and leave all that I have built behind? It was me that spent my prime years here for her. She seems to forget all that. I could have jumped ship after my 2nd year here. I am 30. What am I supposed to do there now? I have contacts here and a relatively decent standard of living. Going home does nothing for me.

It's fucked up and I am not quite sure what to do. All I want to do is keep on going to work and teaching the kids that I teach. Tbh it's the only real happiness I have. Kids are fun and during the times that I teach I can forget that this nonsense is going on.

Mate you may have found the cause of her inner anguish there.

The thing is I was opposed to it as well! We live in a reasonably sized city, but staying here for two years means I am unable to apply for some of the better university jobs that become available. I wanted a one year contract, but she was adamant that it should be two as the rent would stay the same for 2 years. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

[Andre]

so, the mrs wants to go to the UK and you want to stay and neither of you sound willing to compromise....so what options do you think you have?

I am not leaving. In fact just last week the wife herself put her own signature on a new 2 year lease for this place. And yet the theatrics have commenced once again.

From recent discussion/arguments it also seems that because I have my MA and all my teaching experience she isn't happy that the world hasn't just fallen upon my shoulders in a few weeks since coming back from a holiday. Apparently, I should be rolling in money in order to compensate for her not earning the UK's average wage with free housing.

What options do I have? I don't know. All I know is that life is not so good right now. Tbh, I don't really get it. The more this goes on, I don't really care. I stayed in this country to be with her and have been here for years and suddenly because she gets a chance to do something else I am expected to jump and leave all that I have built behind? It was me that spent my prime years here for her. She seems to forget all that. I could have jumped ship after my 2nd year here. I am 30. What am I supposed to do there now? I have contacts here and a relatively decent standard of living. Going home does nothing for me.

It's fucked up and I am not quite sure what to do. All I want to do is keep on going to work and teaching the kids that I teach. Tbh it's the only real happiness I have. Kids are fun and during the times that I teach I can forget that this nonsense is going on.

Mate you may have found the cause of her inner anguish there.

The thing is I was opposed to it as well! We live in a reasonably sized city, but staying here for two years means I am unable to apply for some of the better university jobs that become available. I wanted a one year contract, but she was adamant that it should be two as the rent would stay the same for 2 years. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

If she cant afford the rent for two years on the place on her own wage and you are leaving your job ,she is going to feel some anguish over that you would think.
tell her" its ok baby Id never leave you in the lurch over money",then have great make up sex.

[Gandalf]

The rent is dirt cheap so no worries about any of that. And even now I am earning quite a bit more than her doing multiple freelance jobs. This job I quit was just another one of them filling up a few slots in my schedule. There should be no anguish about money whatsover.

I don't know what the problem is to be honest. I said to her "what exactly have I done wrong?". And all I get is "I don't want to talk about it. I am just miserable". That makes two, I guess.

What a load of random nonsense! Like I say it was her that said maybe I should rethink this new job after coming home shattered on monday. And I did just that!

[0james0]

If you read my post I plainly state that one should get up and go to where the lady is...at least it shows some kind of effort on your part, and with DVRs you can just pause the tv.

And pausing the TV just makes things worse, it gives the impression that what ever I'm watching is more important than her as I've had to pause it to listen to her. She also doesn't like it as she knows it's my way of saying "hurry up with what your saying becasue I want to watch this"

She puts up with a lot from me, so I can't grumble. I just seem to have lost the ability to actually listen to what she says.

[El Kabong]

Yeah, wouldn't work with my mrs, she is wise to my not listening, she now expects the answer to be relevant, as opposed to the usual "yes definatley".

How can I help would just make her laugh and would expose my not listening further.

Sometimes I can be looking straight at her, trying to listen, but my brain goes off on a wonder mid way through her conversation. But to be fair to me, she does talk a lot, she has a skill of linking one conversation to the next and we can talk for hours with me not saying a word!

#1 Nod not in agreement mind you but understanding, feel free to repeat a little bit of what she says just for it to have full effect. Try to ask a relevant question (it gets the mind a little bit involved)

#2 What I had in quotes were random examples don't use them verbatum unless they apply.

#3 I've been there man....god those conversations are slow as shit and they are redundant, women just can't get to the fucking point it's all on about feelings and their projections and blah blah blah (being a Psych major I don't mind as much, listening and interpreting is kind of my whole deal)....but if you just take a little time and a little effort you can be in and out of a conversation (and be in better favor with the Mrs.) in no time....you can become a conversation ninja.

And pausing the TV just makes things worse, it gives the impression that what ever I'm watching is more important than her as I've had to pause it to listen to her. She also doesn't like it as she knows it's my way of saying "hurry up with what your saying becasue I want to watch this"

She puts up with a lot from me, so I can't grumble. I just seem to have lost the ability to actually listen to what she says.

Is that your way of saying "Hurry up"? You've got to kind of look at yourself through her eyes in order for this whole feining intrest thing to work. The next time she has one of those conversations with you just try and figure out what messages you send out that are received in a positive manner.

Also a really big key is if you're going in for a long conversation ALWAYS ask "Do you want my advice or do you just need me to listen?"...sometimes they just need to unload, other times they'll need help.

There's just no helping poor miles

[Andre]

If you read my post I plainly state that one should get up and go to where the lady is...at least it shows some kind of effort on your part, and with DVRs you can just pause the tv.

And pausing the TV just makes things worse, it gives the impression that what ever I'm watching is more important than her as I've had to pause it to listen to her. She also doesn't like it as she knows it's my way of saying "hurry up with what your saying becasue I want to watch this"

She puts up with a lot from me, so I can't grumble. I just seem to have lost the ability to actually listen to what she says.

Good work.

[KKisser]

if only she's a member of a forum like you miles then you can read what her issues really are.

communication is one of the more important elements of a relationship and in your case it seems to have bogged down.

[Howlin Mad Missy]

if only she's a member of a forum like you miles then you can read what her issues really are.

communication is one of the more important elements of a relationship and in your case it seems to have bogged down.

Exactly.

[Andre]

if only she's a member of a forum like you miles then you can read what her issues really are.

communication is one of the more important elements of a relationship and in your case it seems to have bogged down.

Exactly.

What?

[Gandalf]

if only she's a member of a forum like you miles then you can read what her issues really are.

communication is one of the more important elements of a relationship and in your case it seems to have bogged down.

I agree. I've tried talking but it gets nowhere and quickly degenerates. Maybe she needs her space. After a fight I am always able to get my mood back together within minutes. She on the other hand will sulk and barely speak for a number of days.

I've had enough of trying though and will just continue to live life. If she has all these issues then she needs to deal with them. She knew who I was when she married me and if that's not good enough then that's her call. I'm not the one trying to make random changes or up and leave anywhere. She can bugger off to England for all I care right now. I would quite like the space and peace. I don't think I even like her at this point in time. I'm just sick of it.

I'm going to stop talking about it as I think I've said all I need to say. This thread has been good for a bit of venting, but it's time to be more constructive. I might start a thread highlighting all the reasons why I hate Amir Khan or something. Something useful.