How do you deal with constant nagging?

[0james0]

Had my own little trouble in paradise yesterday, I seem to have problems listening to the mrs, sometimes I actually try and listen but then don't hear the whole conversation and ask her to repeat herself. Or if I try and wing it, she catches me out for not listening fully.

Often I'll admit I am easily distracted by the TV, the dog, the floor or anything but what she is saying, but last night I tried to actually listen, but I seem to have developed a habit of saying "what?" after everything she says.

This inturn lead her to not speaking to me because she was pissed off I wasn't listening.

I told her to stop mumbling and speak clearer so I can hear properly (I'm not deaf or anything) I think she forgets how sound travels, if she's doing stuff in the kitchen or talking into the fridge, I'm less likely to hear her than if she looks at me and talks.

Women ey!

[El Kabong]

Well that's an easy enough fix...go to the fridge to get a beer, stand there, pay attention (at least try to), and instead of saying "What?" You can ask different questions "How does that make you feel?", "How can I help?", and then just end things by offering some random kind supportive words...feining sincerity is pretty simple and ladies are suckers for it.

[Gandalf]

So you are saying all of this kicked off because you won't move to England?

Is that what she told you or it's what you think has caused it?

Yep, ever since then. She told me that was what she needed on her CV and we should go for it. It's a decent enough offer. 25,000 quid for the year and a house provided free with all the utilities paid for. It's twice what she is making here and obviously to her seems like a great opportunity and in its own way it probably is, but I just don't want to go. I can earn that here (with a full schedule mind) and she was hoping that I would just up and leave without any regard for all my students or friends (as few as they are) here. She has been open saying that was why she was so off before and when she was chirpier admitted that she still blamed me somewhat for not compromising and that's why we shouldn't talk about it.

Now that I have gone and erased one of my freelance gigs, she is probably thinking "why can't he just go and cancel all of them and then we can concentrate on my career". But I've been here 8 years and to be honest, this is my home now. I'm not going anywhere. I like teaching and the UK is not a place for a qualified ESL instructor, not unless you are working at a university.

She has gone a bit weird this evening. She doesn't actually drink, but has gone and drunk a glass of rice wine. She was goading me saying that I am a quitter and never try to deal with adversity (complete nonsense BTW, I have never failed to complete at least a year at any of the schools I have worked at in 8 years...except for this one). Anyway, I failed to stay calm (oops) and proceeded to tell her that she is being horrible and has no good reason to keep nagging and then ignoring me like she has been doing. She thought that was funny and just laughed at me in a rather creepy kind of way. She has gone to her room and is probably sleeping now.

I was going to go to the pub and have a drink, but nobody wants to go out on a Wednesday night!

[generalbulldog]

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the city of angels
Lonely as I am, together we cry

[Saddo]

Well that's an easy enough fix...go to the fridge to get a beer, stand there, pay attention (at least try to), and instead of saying "What?" You can ask different questions "How does that make you feel?", "How can I help?", and then just end things by offering some random kind supportive words...feining sincerity is pretty simple and ladies are suckers for it.

never EVER say "How does that make you feel?", "How can I help?"

if you have no idea what the fuck she said... just come clean an say sorry i missed what you said.

because the chances are she asked you something...

wife: what do you want for dinner.
husband: How does that make you feel?

wife: can you tell the kids to go to bed.
husband: how can i help?



just come clean... i'm always missing what the wife says and i always know when its my time to talk and i think fuck... so i just say sorry i was doing somthing on the computer i missed what you said.

women know men can't multi task so they will be cool

just don't ignore them too much because your leaving the door open for a new guy to listen to them.

just my

[Gandalf]

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the city of angels
Lonely as I am, together we cry

Are you telling me to become a heroin addict?

[Gandalf]

Well that's an easy enough fix...go to the fridge to get a beer, stand there, pay attention (at least try to), and instead of saying "What?" You can ask different questions "How does that make you feel?", "How can I help?", and then just end things by offering some random kind supportive words...feining sincerity is pretty simple and ladies are suckers for it.

never EVER say "How does that make you feel?", "How can I help?"

if you have no idea what the fuck she said... just come clean an say sorry i missed what you said.

because the chances are she asked you something...

wife: what do you want for dinner.
husband: How does that make you feel?

wife: can you tell the kids to go to bed.
husband: how can i help?



just come clean... i'm always missing what the wife says and i always know when its my time to talk and i think fuck... so i just say sorry i was doing somthing on the computer i missed what you said.

women know men can't multi task so they will be cool

just don't ignore them too much because your leaving the door open for a new guy to listen to them.

just my

Haha, that post made me chuckle!

[El Kabong]

Well that's an easy enough fix...go to the fridge to get a beer, stand there, pay attention (at least try to), and instead of saying "What?" You can ask different questions "How does that make you feel?", "How can I help?", and then just end things by offering some random kind supportive words...feining sincerity is pretty simple and ladies are suckers for it.

never EVER say "How does that make you feel?", "How can I help?"

if you have no idea what the fuck she said... just come clean an say sorry i missed what you said.

because the chances are she asked you something...

wife: what do you want for dinner.
husband: How does that make you feel?

wife: can you tell the kids to go to bed.
husband: how can i help?



just come clean... i'm always missing what the wife says and i always know when its my time to talk and i think fuck... so i just say sorry i was doing somthing on the computer i missed what you said.

women know men can't multi task so they will be cool

just don't ignore them too much because your leaving the door open for a new guy to listen to them.

just my

If you read my post I plainly state that one should get up and go to where the lady is...at least it shows some kind of effort on your part, and with DVRs you can just pause the tv.

[Howlin Mad Missy]

so, the mrs wants to go to the UK and you want to stay and neither of you sound willing to compromise....so what options do you think you have?

[0james0]

Well that's an easy enough fix...go to the fridge to get a beer, stand there, pay attention (at least try to), and instead of saying "What?" You can ask different questions "How does that make you feel?", "How can I help?", and then just end things by offering some random kind supportive words...feining sincerity is pretty simple and ladies are suckers for it.

Yeah, wouldn't work with my mrs, she is wise to my not listening, she now expects the answer to be relevant, as opposed to the usual "yes definatley".

How can I help would just make her laugh and would expose my not listening further.

Sometimes I can be looking straight at her, trying to listen, but my brain goes off on a wonder mid way through her conversation. But to be fair to me, she does talk a lot, she has a skill of linking one conversation to the next and we can talk for hours with me not saying a word!



And Miles you just need to earn some man points my friend, you sound like you are running low on them. Spend a week being super husband and you'll recoup enough for the rest of the year. Do the dishes, make bed, clean something, flowers, random meal out etc etc. You now need to convince her that you haven't turned into a lazy xbox loving, sport watching, beer drinking bastard (even though you are) this way she'll know you do give a shit and she'll feed bad for being a bitch.

[0james0]

If you read my post I plainly state that one should get up and go to where the lady is...at least it shows some kind of effort on your part, and with DVRs you can just pause the tv.

And pausing the TV just makes things worse, it gives the impression that what ever I'm watching is more important than her as I've had to pause it to listen to her. She also doesn't like it as she knows it's my way of saying "hurry up with what your saying becasue I want to watch this"

She puts up with a lot from me, so I can't grumble. I just seem to have lost the ability to actually listen to what she says.

[Gandalf]

so, the mrs wants to go to the UK and you want to stay and neither of you sound willing to compromise....so what options do you think you have?

I am not leaving. In fact just last week the wife herself put her own signature on a new 2 year lease for this place. And yet the theatrics have commenced once again.

From recent discussion/arguments it also seems that because I have my MA and all my teaching experience she isn't happy that the world hasn't just fallen upon my shoulders in a few weeks since coming back from a holiday. Apparently, I should be rolling in money in order to compensate for her not earning the UK's average wage with free housing.

What options do I have? I don't know. All I know is that life is not so good right now. Tbh, I don't really get it. The more this goes on, I don't really care. I stayed in this country to be with her and have been here for years and suddenly because she gets a chance to do something else I am expected to jump and leave all that I have built behind? It was me that spent my prime years here for her. She seems to forget all that. I could have jumped ship after my 2nd year here. I am 30. What am I supposed to do there now? I have contacts here and a relatively decent standard of living. Going home does nothing for me.

It's fucked up and I am not quite sure what to do. All I want to do is keep on going to work and teaching the kids that I teach. Tbh it's the only real happiness I have. Kids are fun and during the times that I teach I can forget that this nonsense is going on.

[Howlin Mad Missy]

Have you explained it to her exactly as you've stated it here?

(my fees will be £50 an hour but since I'm training this is for free )

[El Kabong]

Yeah, wouldn't work with my mrs, she is wise to my not listening, she now expects the answer to be relevant, as opposed to the usual "yes definatley".

How can I help would just make her laugh and would expose my not listening further.

Sometimes I can be looking straight at her, trying to listen, but my brain goes off on a wonder mid way through her conversation. But to be fair to me, she does talk a lot, she has a skill of linking one conversation to the next and we can talk for hours with me not saying a word!

#1 Nod not in agreement mind you but understanding, feel free to repeat a little bit of what she says just for it to have full effect. Try to ask a relevant question (it gets the mind a little bit involved)

#2 What I had in quotes were random examples don't use them verbatum unless they apply.

#3 I've been there man....god those conversations are slow as shit and they are redundant, women just can't get to the fucking point it's all on about feelings and their projections and blah blah blah (being a Psych major I don't mind as much, listening and interpreting is kind of my whole deal)....but if you just take a little time and a little effort you can be in and out of a conversation (and be in better favor with the Mrs.) in no time....you can become a conversation ninja.

And pausing the TV just makes things worse, it gives the impression that what ever I'm watching is more important than her as I've had to pause it to listen to her. She also doesn't like it as she knows it's my way of saying "hurry up with what your saying becasue I want to watch this"

She puts up with a lot from me, so I can't grumble. I just seem to have lost the ability to actually listen to what she says.

Is that your way of saying "Hurry up"? You've got to kind of look at yourself through her eyes in order for this whole feining intrest thing to work. The next time she has one of those conversations with you just try and figure out what messages you send out that are received in a positive manner.

Also a really big key is if you're going in for a long conversation ALWAYS ask "Do you want my advice or do you just need me to listen?"...sometimes they just need to unload, other times they'll need help.

There's just no helping poor miles

[Andre]

If you read my post I plainly state that one should get up and go to where the lady is...at least it shows some kind of effort on your part, and with DVRs you can just pause the tv.

And pausing the TV just makes things worse, it gives the impression that what ever I'm watching is more important than her as I've had to pause it to listen to her. She also doesn't like it as she knows it's my way of saying "hurry up with what your saying becasue I want to watch this"

She puts up with a lot from me, so I can't grumble. I just seem to have lost the ability to actually listen to what she says.

Good work.