Worst kiss of your life??

For mine it is a tie between two girls...

1. Anita : This was a girl that I thought was pretty cute in high school. Was about 17 at the time. Was at her birthday party and she got too drunk and I held her hair back while she puked, so that won her over.. Anyway, she liked me after that but I was with my girlfriend for another 6 months.. Once that was done, I had this girl over for drinks with mates...
Anyway, later in the night we started smoochin, and man it was like kissing a turtle... Her tounge was like this slow motion turtle head slowlllllllly coming out of her mouth about a 20th of an inch, then would retreat all the way back in before starting over again. SLOOOWWWLlllllllyyyyyy.. It was weird as shit and impossible to do anything with... She had ENORMOUUUUUSSS honkers for a woman of ANY age so they more than made up for it.. For a couple of weeks, then I just gave up... No le pasionne.... On a kind of equal note, she had the driest spadge on the face of the planet... Like, fingering was basically impossible as it was dry and clammed up,,,, you would need hand tools and more than a dash of gusto just to get past the flaps.... After the snatch i'd been dating which got so wet you could drown a small child in it, I just wasn't into this new chick at all..

2. Alicia - This one pains me as this was one seriously seriously cute girl... Was a chick I talked to on the internet.. She was a cold hard bitch online and rude as f'ck and just a real bitch, like REAL bitch and I held absolutely no hope for her in person,,,, BUT, in person she was as nice as you could possibly imagine anyone could be... Like, soft spoken and sweet please/thankyou,,, just a lovely lovely girl... and sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo freakin cute, and these perky tits you could play a round of 72 holes off, just this really fine chick...
I was kissing another girl at the time and this girl knew it, but I gave her a ride somewhere and as she got out i'm like, "Hey the ride wasn't for free you know" (Fuck shoulda rememberd that line for my recent experience)... She knew what I mean but was like "you're kissing that other girl, I don't want to upset that.." blah, someting like that.. I'm like, pffff I don't mind...

So she leans in, and i'm like, damn this chick is the finest chick i'll have ever kissed.. I'm preparing kinda watching her perky tits as she leans back in the passanger side to plant one on me.... Then BANGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG what THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO MY MOUTH!!! This chick's tounge just rams in, and takes off doing like 7000 rpms around the edges inside of my mouth.. The kiss had barely been going 2 seconds before my brain had named her "The washing machine".... It was seriously bizarre just like, circle after circle at a zillion miles an hour... Non stop until the kiss was over.... My tounge is just like this shy dude in the corner of the room like, shit, what do I do, this shit is crazy... what do I do :confused:

I didn't see the girl after that.. Not for that reason alone,,,,, I'm thinking that shit would have been fantastic on other area's of the body,,,, but the other chick I was kissing at the time was a F R E A K and I was hooked on that to much...

Easily when I was about 13/14, I was sitting down in the middle of town were everybody hung out and out of nowere she stuck her tongue down my throat - my mouth was fucking full of half chewed food for god's sake... also she kept her eyes open which is just fucking freaky.

I remember about 2 years later she started trying to dance with me in a club, trying to bump and grind... she wasn't too impressed when I literally picked her up, turned her around and removed her from the dance floor before walking off. ;D

I've kissed a few rank girls in my time.

One had a tongue like a cat. It was like it was coated in sandpaper and she scraped her way around the inside of my mouth, finally retracting her tongue like it was a velcro fastening.

I also used to see this girl who had a problem with bulemnia. Sometimes she wouldnt eat for days and the inside of her mouth tasted disgusting, like you could taste the cells in her mouth, just a horrible feeling, although she was a great kisser after a meal.

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Originally Posted by AdamGB

Easily when I was about 13/14, I was sitting down in the middle of town were everybody hung out and out of nowere she stuck her tongue down my throat - my mouth was fucking full of half chewed food for god's sake... also she kept her eyes open which is just fucking freaky.

I remember about 2 years later she started trying to dance with me in a club, trying to bump and grind... she wasn't too impressed when I literally picked her up, turned her around and removed her from the dance floor before walking off. ;D

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haha I can relate to that! Something quite alarming about eye contact during making out. It always makes me think about being eaten alive by a giant squid or octopus for some reason. I just imagine the final moments of a diver being pulled closer and closer to that giant parrot like beak mouth and having to stare into the creature's cold, empty saucer eyes whilst it sucks out your insides.

never had a bad one. Remember one guy was a little too sloppy.

I must make better selections than you guys :cool:

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Originally Posted by Howlin Mad Missy

never had a bad one. Remember one guy was a little too sloppy.

I must make better selections than you guys :cool:

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I imagine the rule is that if you've never had a bad kiss, then you must be the bad kisser.

lol I can't speak for the others Missy, but I didn't really have much of a choice in the matter! ;)

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Originally Posted by Bilbo

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Originally Posted by AdamGB

Easily when I was about 13/14, I was sitting down in the middle of town were everybody hung out and out of nowere she stuck her tongue down my throat - my mouth was fucking full of half chewed food for god's sake... also she kept her eyes open which is just fucking freaky.

I remember about 2 years later she started trying to dance with me in a club, trying to bump and grind... she wasn't too impressed when I literally picked her up, turned her around and removed her from the dance floor before walking off. ;D

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haha I can relate to that! Something quite alarming about eye contact during making out. It always makes me think about being eaten alive by a giant squid or octopus for some reason. I just imagine the final moments of a diver being pulled closer and closer to that giant parrot like beak mouth and having to stare into the creature's cold, empty saucer eyes whilst it sucks out your insides.

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In my case only my lunch ended up getting sucked... :(

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Originally Posted by Bilbo

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Originally Posted by Howlin Mad Missy

never had a bad one. Remember one guy was a little too sloppy.

I must make better selections than you guys :cool:

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I imagine the rule is that if you've never had a bad kiss, then you must be the bad kisser.

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nope. It's a matter of being in sync and responsive....same for other stuff to. A little bit like dancing with a partner. ;)

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Originally Posted by AdamGB

lol I can't speak for the others Missy, but I didn't really have much of a choice in the matter! ;)

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Originally Posted by Bilbo

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Originally Posted by AdamGB

Easily when I was about 13/14, I was sitting down in the middle of town were everybody hung out and out of nowere she stuck her tongue down my throat - my mouth was fucking full of half chewed food for god's sake... also she kept her eyes open which is just fucking freaky.

I remember about 2 years later she started trying to dance with me in a club, trying to bump and grind... she wasn't too impressed when I literally picked her up, turned her around and removed her from the dance floor before walking off. ;D

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haha I can relate to that! Something quite alarming about eye contact during making out. It always makes me think about being eaten alive by a giant squid or octopus for some reason. I just imagine the final moments of a diver being pulled closer and closer to that giant parrot like beak mouth and having to stare into the creature's cold, empty saucer eyes whilst it sucks out your insides.

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In my case only my lunch ended up getting sucked... :(

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you'd be all fuzzy that close up anyway ;D

Classic Thread Material again. I don't know how you do it. You're life is like a sitcom.

Admin Error :)

I've never had a bad kiss but i suppose the worst kiss by any definition would have to be my first.


The girl i kissed was a couple of years older than me, I was 13 and she now could be regarded as a complete pikey/ chav... But i didn't know or care about that at the time.

She tasted of Old English cyder and Wrigley's Spearmint Gum and I had a raging hard on! :-X ;D

It was embarrassing though! I mean her mates, who were like 2 feet away, were making comments like; ''why are you moving your head like that?'' and ''How many girls have you kissed'' and ''Christina, I hope you ain't giving him a blowjob after (giggle-giggle)''

It's all just cringeworthy when I think about it now.

I mean, if I ever saw this scenario unfold infront of me: A 15 year old half-pissed-pikey-bird snogging the face of a 13 year old while her mates are on the wind up. Well I might just loose a little faith in parenthood :-\

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Originally Posted by Bilbo

One had a tongue like a cat. It was like it was coated in sandpaper and she scraped her way around the inside of my mouth

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Did she have boobs like a bag of sand?

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Originally Posted by Bilbo

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Originally Posted by AdamGB

Easily when I was about 13/14, I was sitting down in the middle of town were everybody hung out and out of nowere she stuck her tongue down my throat - my mouth was fucking full of half chewed food for god's sake... also she kept her eyes open which is just fucking freaky.

I remember about 2 years later she started trying to dance with me in a club, trying to bump and grind... she wasn't too impressed when I literally picked her up, turned her around and removed her from the dance floor before walking off. ;D

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haha I can relate to that! Something quite alarming about eye contact during making out. It always makes me think about being eaten alive by a giant squid or octopus for some reason. I just imagine the final moments of a diver being pulled closer and closer to that giant parrot like beak mouth and having to stare into the creature's cold, empty saucer eyes whilst it sucks out your insides.

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HAHAhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :lolhaha::lolhaha::lolhaha: I will never open my eyes again for fear of this site.. i almost pissed my pants reading that!

Rather ugly girl i took a shining too once about the 12th or 13th pint was sunk and decided around 2am to make my move.

It was horrible, she literally had no idea what she was doing and just tried to tongue every part of my mouth frantically, sloppy as fuk

I remember thinking to myself at the time although she cant kiss for shit she probably gives an incredible blowjob hence the reason folked out £80 for a hotel room for the pair of us ;D;D;D

I never asked his :-X name, (where the fuk has the embarrassment smile gone?)

Long story..it was all to stop a small bike gang war in Vics hamburger bar late on a Friday/Sat night in Frankston about 30 years ago, (I forget what colors they had) Maybe coffin cheaters as they wernt from our parts, anyway they were real pissed at my mates for being smart asses to them.
I walked in and tried to talk my way out of it, said to the leader of the bikers dont worry dude we are just like you lads we ride too we are just like one of you, he said prove it kiss me, :o I just laughed but it went down after an uncomfortable silence and then everyone laughed and that was that, they shook hands and left. Needs must when the devil drives,I read it well we would of ended up in hospital.
One of mates who is just an angry dwarf was saying after wards to me ya fukkin pussy we could of had them! for years afterwards he would always rabbit punch me when I wasnt expecting it or come up and take a thousand pissed swings and shots which Id block until he got tired and secrectly more angry. Until one day I thought what the hell as he eye balled me and I placed a foot through his solar plexus, stupid bastard never knew who he was dealing with until then. Now the silly cunt actually asks if he can try and get one in on me ;D.

This isn't even difficult for me.

Zahra - Girl I went out with for about 2 weeks in college. Loadsa man were on it, but I got her. She had great lips and serious back off, so I was really looking forward to it, but lipsing her actually bordered on painful, because she just sent her tongue all over the place. I had a few more goes to see if it was just a bad day, but no, so she had to get dashed. About a year and a bit later, she went all religious and started wearing a hijab. Although the world was denied the sight of a truly fantastic arse, many another man was saved from her tongue's thresher machine motions.

16 yrs old and neighbor named Diane L**ker.It was like having soaking wet sweaty gym socks in your mouth,and she did the whole double handed grab my head thing....fooking hell I thought I was going to die.

Couple of weeks ago I had my teeth and tounge bitten by accident.It was actually a bit of a turn on.:o

I don't really pay kissing any mine any more. I rate blow jobs. And clearly without a doubt the worse one belong to Priscilla Fuentes. A hot girl who acted like having a dick in her mouth was beneath her. And it showed. Her skills were a 1 on a 1 to 10 scale. Than there was this

"Do you have to keep your hand on the back of my head"?
"My jaw is starting to hurt. Is that normal"
"Why you pulling my hair"
"Your not gonna finish in my mouth are you"?

Bitch shut the fukk up. I'm not even touching your hair. And there's is no way in hell I'm finishing with your pathetic skills and non stop talk. Took a lot of patience to not just push her onto her back, sit on her chest and just ram it down her throat rather she like it or not. The fact that her father was LAPD kind of influenced my thinking as well. Anyways this 19 year old from the City Terreace area has the lead on the worse by a substancial amount.

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Originally Posted by Violent Demise

I don't really pay kissing any mine any more. I rate blow jobs. And clearly without a doubt the worse one belong to Priscilla Fuentes. A hot girl who acted like having a dick in her mouth was beneath her. And it showed. Her skills were a 1 on a 1 to 10 scale. Than there was this

"Do you have to keep your hand on the back of my head"?
"My jaw is starting to hurt. Is that normal"
"Why you pulling my hair"
"Your not gonna finish in my mouth are you"?

Bitch shut the fukk up. I'm not even touching your hair. And there's is no way in hell I'm finishing with your pathetic skills and non stop talk. Took a lot of patience to not just push her onto her back, sit on her chest and just ram it down her throat rather she like it or not. The fact that her father was LAPD kind of influenced my thinking as well. Anyways this 19 year old from the City Terreace area has the lead on the worse by a substancial amount.

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Haha I hear that... Heard all those lines and it's just lame.... Man when their is a pussy in my face it's a pleasure to munch that thing up.... A girl can only be so lucky to to have a dick to suck.. To act like it is beneath them or it's "eww" it's like, go join a nunnery...

"Ahhh my mouth is sore, can I stop now"... fuck why did you even bother starting then... It's a big turn off if a girl isn't in to giving a blow job.... Especially when other girls act as if sucking your dick is the only thing that will keep them alive...

God bless them..

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Originally Posted by Dizaster

Haha I hear that... Heard all those lines and it's just lame.... Man when their is a pussy in my face it's a pleasure to munch that thing up.... A girl can only be so lucky to to have a dick to suck.. To act like it is beneath them or it's "eww" it's like, go join a nunnery...

"Ahhh my mouth is sore, can I stop now"... fuck why did you even bother starting then... It's a big turn off if a girl isn't in to giving a blow job.... Especially when other girls act as if sucking your dick is the only thing that will keep them alive...

God bless them..

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See, it's your OWN fault for picking these women ;D

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Originally Posted by Howlin Mad Missy

See, it's your OWN fault for picking these women ;D

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To be fair, they don't really announce, "hey, i'm hot and will get incredibly horny in your presence, but I have little interest in putting your penis anywhere near my mouth"....

Those girls should be issued free t-shirts..

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Originally Posted by Dizaster

To be fair, they don't really announce, "hey, i'm hot and will get incredibly horny in your presence, but I have little interest in putting your penis anywhere near my mouth"....

Those girls should be issued free t-shirts..

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just your penis or everyone's? :detective:

for what it's worth...it's part of the course innit? quid pro quo and all that.. As long as your clean and we're not going to choke on ball hair.

There is really a couple of epic answers over here, I woke up grumpy but now I had my good 5 minutes of intensive laugh. Though I did stumble upon kissers that weren't stellar so to speak, I had nothing compared to those who ha the impression to stuck their tongue into a pit sand or feeling like their mouth was being raped by a Chthulu's tentacles attack.

My great grand mother put her tongue in my ear on her death bed. :-\ She's french and always kissed me on the cheek or by the ear, but was a bit confused in the end. To this day I can't stand when a chic goes there. Freaks me the hell out.

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Originally Posted by Youngblood

My great grand mother put her tongue in my ear on her death bed. :-\ She's french and always kissed me on the cheek or by the ear, but was a bit confused in the end. To this day I can't stand when a chic goes there. Freaks me the hell out.

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*note to others* French Canadian do not normally stick their tongues in other peoples ear, it is not common, we're not dangerous ear forking aliens.

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Originally Posted by Youngblood

My great grand mother put her tongue in my ear on her death bed. :-\ She's french and always kissed me on the cheek or by the ear, but was a bit confused in the end. To this day I can't stand when a chic goes there. Freaks me the hell out.

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Originally Posted by Nameless

*note to others* French Canadian do not normally stick their tongues in other peoples ear, it is not common, we're not dangerous ear forking aliens.

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Hahahahaha!!!! ;D

Asterixing someone else's quote. Classic.

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Originally Posted by Dizaster

Haha I hear that... Heard all those lines and it's just lame.... Man when their is a pussy in my face it's a pleasure to munch that thing up.... A girl can only be so lucky to to have a dick to suck.. To act like it is beneath them or it's "eww" it's like, go join a nunnery...

"Ahhh my mouth is sore, can I stop now"... fuck why did you even bother starting then... It's a big turn off if a girl isn't in to giving a blow job.... Especially when other girls act as if sucking your dick is the only thing that will keep them alive...

God bless them..

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That's always been as they say my Achilles heel.

The bitch is no good. She needs to go. It's been time she needed to go. Keeping her around is to much of a hassle. It's ran it's course. Your done with her.

I know all that. And it's true. But than the bitch opens her mouth and earns herself a pass. :vd: I'm ashamed.

You dumbass. It's a learnt skill like any other...to be fair like most things some people seem to have a natural aptitude... if she's keen ask her to do more of what you like. If she really likes you she'll ask you.

To be totally honest i haven't kissed a girl where I thought 'that was really good' for a long time. Maybe I just attracted girls that can't. I'm currently ploughing this girl with a huge tongue. It's not good. But A guys gotta fuck ya know?

I'm starting to think that women are a bit clueless.

I mean you hear all the time women moaning that men don't know what they're doing in the sack. Women are just as bad.

99% of woman don't know how to give a hand job. They tug away at the root for ages and wonder why you haven't come.

The tip bitch! the fucking tip!! that's where the feeling is.

Women should be made to watch porn then they'll find out how it's done.

God damn!

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Originally Posted by Hornfinger

To be totally honest i haven't kissed a girl where I thought 'that was really good' for a long time. Maybe I just attracted girls that can't. I'm currently ploughing this girl with a huge tongue. It's not good. But A guys gotta fuck ya know?

I'm starting to think that women are a bit clueless.

I mean you hear all the time women moaning that men don't know what they're doing in the sack. Women are just as bad.

99% of woman don't know how to give a hand job. They tug away at the root for ages and wonder why you haven't come.

The tip bitch! the fucking tip!! that's where the feeling is.

Women should be made to watch porn then they'll find out how it's done.

God damn!

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Reminds me of a certain incident where someone, for some reason, had it in their head that harder = better... And she aimed to be the best that ever existed...

I would say with the way she was pounded, she could have had a 5 pound steak fully tenderized in under 20 second... I still maintain my dick hasn't looked the same since...

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Originally Posted by Hornfinger

To be totally honest i haven't kissed a girl where I thought 'that was really good' for a long time. Maybe I just attracted girls that can't. I'm currently ploughing this girl with a huge tongue. It's not good. But A guys gotta fuck ya know?

I'm starting to think that women are a bit clueless.

I mean you hear all the time women moaning that men don't know what they're doing in the sack. Women are just as bad.

99% of woman don't know how to give a hand job. They tug away at the root for ages and wonder why you haven't come.

The tip bitch! the fucking tip!! that's where the feeling is.

Women should be made to watch porn then they'll find out how it's done.

God damn!

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observation is fine....she doesn't have one so why should she know how you like to get off? Guide her hand with yours..it ain't rocket science ffs

I ain't got a cunt but I still now how to get one to squirt. With the amount of free shared info available on line etc it's not hard to find out what is good or bag.

everyone is different.

And I stand by my original suggestion of offering a helping hand...not to you but to whomever is helping you out.

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Originally Posted by Hornfinger

I ain't got a cunt but I still now how to get one to squirt. With the amount of free shared info available on line etc it's not hard to find out what is good or bag.

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You do realise a woman squirting is just piss

She can do so whenever she pleases and you really havent uncovered anything here!!

Perhaps the lass your with is just amusing you

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Originally Posted by HattonTheHammer

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Originally Posted by Hornfinger

I ain't got a cunt but I still now how to get one to squirt. With the amount of free shared info available on line etc it's not hard to find out what is good or bag.

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You do realise a woman squirting is just piss

She can do so whenever she pleases and you really havent uncovered anything here!!

Perhaps the lass your with is just amusing you

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doesn't taste like it...apparently

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Originally Posted by Howlin Mad Missy

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Originally Posted by HattonTheHammer

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Originally Posted by Hornfinger

I ain't got a cunt but I still now how to get one to squirt. With the amount of free shared info available on line etc it's not hard to find out what is good or bag.

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You do realise a woman squirting is just piss

She can do so whenever she pleases and you really havent uncovered anything here!!

Perhaps the lass your with is just amusing you

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doesn't taste like it...apparently

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never tasted my piss after a shag but know for a fact i always feel the urge to mark my territory the moment ive dumped a big load of bollock yoghurt ;D;D;D

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Originally Posted by HattonTheHammer

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Originally Posted by Howlin Mad Missy

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Originally Posted by HattonTheHammer

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Originally Posted by Hornfinger

I ain't got a cunt but I still now how to get one to squirt. With the amount of free shared info available on line etc it's not hard to find out what is good or bag.

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You do realise a woman squirting is just piss

She can do so whenever she pleases and you really havent uncovered anything here!!

Perhaps the lass your with is just amusing you

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doesn't taste like it...apparently

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never tasted my piss after a shag but know for a fact i always feel the urge to mark my territory the moment ive dumped a big load of bollock yoghurt ;D;D;D

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and praise be to the guys happy to journey south again after that. ;)

The worst kiss for me was always having to kiss my nan and grandad goodbye whenever they visited. A horrid rosey one right on the pecker, I never understood why a simple handshake wouldn't suffice for grandad and a mild hug for gran. They call it family.

Never had one really to be honest, except for maybe kissing your auntie or nan. But pretty much every kid hates to do that.